I just don't know what my husband brings to my life

[financesplitting]

I just realised while making another thread, just how much my husband annoys me.

I feel like he just demands things from me. Or is that just life as a mother ? I feel like I'm going crazy l. But yes I feel like there are constant demands and complaints. Demands for a clean house, for sex, for a cooked meal every night. For nice food in the house, a fully stacked fridge at all times.

I have a three month old baby and an incredibly challenging two and a half year old toddler.

I just have nothing to give anymore to anyone.

He sounds bloody horrible. Does he clean, cook, do the shopping, do any care for the children? And no, 'demanding' stuff from your spouse isn't normal.

Sounds like you'd be better off without him, to be honest.

No he can't because he's at work a lot.

It sounds like he just wants a skivvy. Work or not, it shouldn't 100% be down to you to do everything.

He needs to know that you are at work a lot yourself, looking after a baby and a toddler!

Think about it. If you had to pay someone to look after them, it would cost a great deal. That cost is what you are worth and more. Especially if you are also doing all the housework and shopping.

So, ignore his demands. If he wants a cooked dinner when he comes home, half the time he will have to do it himself. If moans about empty fridges and cupboards, it shouldn't kill him to do a detour to the shops on his way home!

You have value and he needs to appreciate you more.

My DDad is just now going into a care home, and my Mum feels so guilty for feeling relieved because she literally did everything for the last 45 years. She wasn't brave enough to divorce him, but why waste 40 years when you aren't happy? The only reason is shame and fear, really.

Does he bring money to your life? Is that why he thinks he’s entitled to make demands of you like you’re a servant?

I was in a very similar boat and I’m 4 weeks into a trial separation. Other issues too

Iv never been so happy. Don’t stand for it.

I’ve just seen your other thread.

He sounds like he’s taking advantage of you financially to boot.

What was your life like before kids? Did he do housework, shopping?

my husband had ideas of what having a stay at home wife would be like (dinners of his choosing whipped up on a whim, fridge full, house spotless, all little jobs and admin sorted ) his argument- “why am I working so hard to earn all this money if I still have to do X Y and Z ??” It was a genuine question!

• yet if I ask him to take the kids for a walk or look after them for any amount of time and it was utterly impossible for him, let alone do anything like shopping or scrub the toilet too lol

but the sahm is supposed to do it all 24/7 AND be ready and available for sex … funny isn’t it

This is awful, I feel for you. As a few people said on the other post I'd be having serious discussions or consider being a single parent 🙁

My husband also works FT, but he still shops, cooks and cleans. He likes to do bedtimes for DC too as he says he misses them when at work.

Eg. He came home at 4:40 tonight after being kept later than usual at work, coloured and decorated cakes (we baked them earlier) with DC then did bath time.

I really hope your DH changes for you

In my next life I want to come back as a husband. I'll have an interesting job where I earn plenty of money and every tells me how great I am. And a wife! Someone to do all the unpaid thankless crap I don't want to do, cleaning, cooking etc and have sex with whenever I feel like it. Its the perfect life. 😁But seriously if you can manage financially on your own, why would you put up with that.

Me too !! Being a husband must be great !

Before kids I made sure that I never did too much. Because I didn't want to set a precedent and I'm also just not the type to do lots of house stuff.

I was making my money in my career, going out for meals a lot and just having fun. I did feel some kind of responsibility to look after him in a way, because I always worked from home a lot more, whereas he was away all the time from the home for work. So I sorted out domestic stuff more, always.

He's a mess. He tries to improve, but he's useless. Whenever he's home, it's just a mess. Like a third child, basically.