It’s not the money it’s the principle

[bagpuss90]

Three weeks ago I bought tickets for a show for a group of friends . All had confirmed they wanted to go. Most of them paid me back straight away Am still chasing the money from three of them. I’ve been really polite and light hearted about it. Not singled anyone out on the group chat. Polite pm to them each-just a little nudge.No response. Am self employed and it’s been a tough three years - they all know that . It’s not a fortune but it’s the principle , it’s cringey to have to keep asking . Am I over reacting?

No. Tell them once and for all that you are short of money and need what they owe you.
Then learn from this and never lend money again.

Dont give them their tickets until they have paid!!

YANBU.

It's payday this week. Time to push hard for your money, while they have it.

These types of threads pop up so often, always get the money first!!!!

You will likely get some replies here that say you shouldn’t have bought their tickets but I think yanbu. You checked they definitely wanted to go and only then booked. If I book things for my friends I do it on a credit card and give them the deadline to pay of when the bill would be taken out so they pay me before it actually costs me money. Send another reminder with your bank details on and name those not yet paid and say you need the money by x date as some of your big bills go out from then on and so you need your funds back. You have to assume they want to pay and are just plain forgetful in the way you word your message. In future if you need to you can insist on money up front before making a booking.

Group message this week saying can anyone who hasn’t paid please do so by the 1st, I bet they are waiting for pay day. Not that it’s right to do that but if they haven’t budgeted for it they may be unable until then. A group message sent without naming names outs the pressure on and indicates others may be pissing you about too.

Can you pm them something like "I feel embarrassed and frustrated that I have to keep asking you for the payment, please transfer the money asap so it doesn't get in the way of our friendship"? I know it's heavy, but it can't be construed as nagging, and makes it clear the consequences they are causing if they don't.

Send a message saying 'my credit card payment is due today, can you please transfer the ticket money?'
That creates urgency which should push them into action.
If they are waiting for payday they should say.

This ^^
I would still keep it friendly and lighthearted but mention names:
”Hi all, really looking forward to our night out!
Sarah, Jo, Lisa, Mel thanks for your payment 👍 Sam, Ellen, Claire - another reminder for payment please! Here’s my bank details again …… If you can sort asap as times is hard! Love to all xxx”

I hope the event hasn't already happened. If it has, you're not getting your money back. If it hasn't, they don't get their tickets til they pay.

Never never never buy tickets without getting the money upfront!

It's the British thing about money isn't it? Name them specifically on the group chat with a deadline, and then ring them up and actually talk to them.
They should be the ones feeling awkward.

This for the future. If we are going to something that is open to other people I tell them when we are going and what seat numbers we have booked.I choose a row with lots of seats left and seats in front and behind if I can. They can book their own tickets and ,if they do it quickly, they will get ones near us. If they faff about they won't. It won't affect my enjoyment of whatever it is. It's remarkable how people can buy their own tickets with their own money if they really want to do something and have no option but to do it themselves. Also remarkable how tightly shut people's wallets remain if someone else has sorted all the details for them. And how affronted they are when you ask them to pay up. I am too old now to bother with that .

You need to name them on the thread and tell them to pay you straightaway because you need the money. There's no need to be embarrassed about that. Those that have paid will be absolutely behind you on this.

Don't hint. Don't be gentle.

I want your money by X date or the tickets are being sold. And then do it.

You’re being a doormat. Stop worrying about asking and just ask

you can often get a refund on events if you say you have covid. Maybe if they don’t pay you can try and get a refund on those particular tickets a week or so before the event.
but I’d put a message on the group chat using their names, should embarrass them into sorting it out

You are worried about asking but they are not worried about sponging off a friend and leaving you short, or about ignoring your messages. Time to be a bit firmer.

As someone who is still owed money from 10 years ago (that I’m clearly never getting back) I’d say keep asking. Be polite but firm.

As others have said, don’t give them the tickets till you receive payment. I’ve read a few similar threads over the years and it honestly ruins friendships. No idea who would be cheeky enough not to send payment immediately.

Time to name them on the group chat. Yanbu.

they’re just ignoring you when you ask them to pay?

“hi ladies, as i had no response on my last message im assuming you dont want to come to the show anymore? not a problem if plans have changed, but i do need the money back that i spent on the tickets so i will have to start thinking about reselling them/inviting someone else”

God l hate this op - l would be mortified if someone had to ask me for money l owed them. Thought the etiquette was you paid before they chase you for it.
Def put something on the group chat...sorry to have to chase but paying for the tickets has left me a bit short for my bills can you transfer me your share ASAP thanks.

Some "friends",
Please say you haven't given out the tickets yet

If the event hasn’t been and gone -
@ them in the group chat or message them individually, ‘hey x, y & z, haven’t received your money yet for the tickets, my bank details are…, if you can’t pay by this date I will have to sell your tickets or see if someone else wants to go, as I need the money, thanks!’

They might also be short on cash but if that’s the case they shouldn’t have agreed to go, not your problem. They may have assumed they’ll be okay to pay you on the day or something but make it clear that’s not the case and hopefully they’ll just pay up without any drama.

Good luck!