DH dictating bedtimes

[Bagpuss2022]

DH sleeps downstairs on a sofa bed in the dining room as he snores like a train and refuses to go to the GP about it,
I sleep upstairs so do DC one just back for the summer from 2nd year uni he’s 20, ones just finished 2nd year of a 3 year college NVQ (18) and ones just finished y7

DH has dictated that DC have to be in by 11pm and no one can be downstairs after that.
in normal term time that’s fine but expecting two adult DC to be in by 11 and not use the downstairs after 11 is a joke IMO even the 12 year old and me were watching a film earlier and he was huffing and puffing as it was 10.45 it’s the summer holidays kids are goitnri be up later plus one dc starts work at 4am
I understand he’s working and tired but to dictate to the rest of the house I have offered to sleep downstairs so he can have uninterrupted sleep upstairs but he refuses

what else can I suggest I do think he’s being I unreasonable he has a alternative to sleep upstairs I can’t ask two adults who work and are also In full time education to have no social life or not work extra shifts late and if DC3 wants a late movie why not?

I'm on his side ( apart from kids shpuld be abke to come in quietly at whatever time they like as adults) , kids can watch tv in their bedrooms, but the solution is for you and him to swap rooms permanently.

I don’t understand why you are projecting your step fathers abuse onto your husband.

I can see why 11 is a reasonable time to go to bed but I don’t understand why your kid was nervous about staying down if his dad had agreed to go upstairs.

is he abusive to you and the kids? Are you afraid of him?

What is it with these selfish pigs of men these days? Here's the thing; he is the snorer. He is the one inconveniencing everyone because he is too selfish and lazy to do something about his snoring so he won't impact everyone else. Everyone else is being put out, because of him. If you have a spare room upstairs I'd tell him to use it, but wherever he slept, no way would I tolerate his selfishness and attitude and I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms that he needs to get his snoring seen to because you won't have everyone else including yourself walk on eggshells and re-arrange your life/lives because of him. He is the cause of the problem, he is the one that has to make the sacrifices. I'd tell him you no longer want him sleeping downstairs because that is a family room, and your family are home at the moment.

No, he doesn’t get to dictate, especially when you offered him your bed.
And if he tries to dictate to your Uni child they will choose to be home as little as possible.

@MarshaMelrose Then you need to see a different GP. There are numerous things they can do, including operations and c-pap machines, and more. Any GP who won't do anything or give you referrals to a specialist at least is not worth continuing with. I know two people who snore and have sleep apnea and both have had their lives transformed and years on are much better.

Agree.

He's a selfish bully.

Well done for not putting up with this.

Your child being nervous tells it's own story!

He's huffing and puffing.

Stick up for your children.

As you know well you remember bullying men for many years.

Don't let his selfishness be the reason your children want to leave home.

I’m going to go against the grain here and say you’re unreasonable.

If he has to sleep downstairs, the least he can do, is say no one downstairs after 11.

After all this is his “bedroom” and he should be able to have it to himself after a certain time.

He doesn't 'have' to sleep downstairs, he chooses to rather than snort out his snoring.

His snoring means everyone else is being dictated to. He is the one with the (fixable) problem and it would be different if he made an effort to sort it out, but he refuses to do anything and inconveniences everyone else. Even his own child is nervous around him.

That should tell you how unreasonable he is, and selfish.

First line of my last post should say he chooses to rather than sort out his snoring. Though in context of the topic I suppose 'snort' works well too.

I would have more sympathy for him if he at least tried to do something about his snoring but given he cant be arsed to go to a GP YANBU.

Mumsnet is a window into another world….

So he’d rather sleep downstairs on a shitty sofa bed than go upstairs and sleep in an actual bed in peace and quiet…?

Why??

This sounds unreasonable and intolerable imo. Why should the whole family have to keep to his timetable? It's really unfair and awful for your kids.

Do you just have the one living room downstairs? If not, is there any way you can reconfigure things?

I snore. Went to a GP. They gave some advice but there was nothing they could do.

@LastMinuteBreak
So they never referred you to a sleep clinic to be checked out? If not and it's quite bad snoring then they've done you and/or any partner a disservice.

🤔 If I'd been referred to a sleep clinic, they would have done something. I would think the fact that I said they gave advice and said there was nothing they could do, would convey they didn't send me to a sleep clinic.