To be really fucking annoyed with my mam?

[QuestionableMouse]

My sister and her family had covid last week. I have it currently. My mam has "a cold" but is refusing to do a test.

The thing is, she was very seriously ill last September with Covid (in ICU for ten weeks), and after she came out if that she has more complications, including ending up back in hospital over Christmas with respiratory failure that left her with only one lung working properly.

She needs to know if she's positive but she's burying her head in the sand and is refusing to test. Says it's just "a cold" and won't listen when my sister and I say that's how our symptoms have been.

I'm really annoyed - everything feel on me last time with ambulances and rushing her to hospital and it's left me with PTSD so I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable over this.

You can't force your mother to do anything. If she doesn't want to test, that's her choice, and it may very well be a bad one.

Let it go, op. You have no control over this.

That sounds really hard, could it be that she’s just really scared herself and is in a bit of denial and scared of ending up back in hospital (particularly if she currently feels well enough) Have you told her how worried you are?

Well if it stays like ‘just a cold’ then that’s ok no? What will she do differently now if it is Covid?

I get that, but as it's me who'll be picking the pieces up, I just wish she'd listen to me.

I begged her last time to get in touch with a doctor or something but she left it until she literally couldn't breathe before she did anything. Which meant I ended up driving her to hospital in the middle of the night, convinced that she was going to die in the car on the way. I'd really rather avoid that if I can. (I'm not even exaggerating when I say she couldn't breathe - her O2 sat was low 80s when I got to the hospital!)

I just can't fucking do it again. It almost broke me last time.

She's clinically extremely vulnerable and is entitled to antivirals which can make a massive difference apparently!

You're scared, but your Mam is probably also scared. I would personally just keep a really close eye on her, without talking about COVID any more. Obviously if she starts to become more unwell, and hopefully she won't, reappraise at that point.

Sorry, didn't see your comment about antivirals. Maybe in that case talk to her again.

So sorry you’re going through this. I have had frightening health experiences with my dm too and it’s very frustrating when they won’t check in with the doctor or do a test. Does she have a regular respiratory nurse she sees for check ups? Could you call nurse or gp and alert them. I’ve had to do this in the past. I said to them - I know legally you cannot say anything to me, but I need to let you know the situation and ask you to consider what to do. it did result in a home visit.

I would be frustrated too OP. Doing a test is so simple. As others have said, your mam is probably scared.

I understand why you're annoyed - but DM is probably frightened and scared - avoiding the test is her way of coping with it.

Thanks everyone. It's not hoping that I'm having to stay away as I'm currently positive for Covid so haven't seen her in person for a few days.

Might rope my sister in to help check on her.

Yeah she needs to get those antivirals. Does she know about them?

I'm sure she does but will find out properly tomorrow.

My elderly (but very sharp minded) gran was the same - she said 'if it were a bacterial infection I'd need to know what it is so they can give me the right medicine, with a viral one I just have to let it run its course, so life goes on and I will just not think about what it may or may to be called and just keep blowing my nose', which I thought was very clever reasoning. However this is different - in your mum's case if she can get medicine that can help her, and stop her suffering, of course it would be good for her to know. These older people can be so stubborn though OP. Good luck!

Is your mum an anti- Vaxxer?