Lately I've been feeling that my life is majorly missing alot. Life feels bleak and boring and I'm only 24. I've been hearing a lot of "you are meant to be in your prime" and that I should be "grabbing life by the horns". This was spurred on by a conversation with some friends same age as mine who all agreed now is the time to put ourselves out there (we was talking about goals and ambitions).
So I'm a sahm ftm and it wasn't planned. I have no career aspects (going to start studying from home) and have just been living life day to day. Most of my friends go out all the time, either on holidays dates gigs or travel. One of my friend was contemplating leaving for another country as she claimed she had nothing to "anchor her down" I was slightly jealous at her freedom. How I'd love to just do what ever whenever but I can't. I have a baby and a fiance and very overbearing PILS that means my life has become mostly hanging around people not my age or have no relation to me. I've had to sacrifice alot to have dc vs than dp did and for once I want life to go my way.
I get extremely jealous when I see other women with a full face of makeup or or even just their hair brushed, I never have the time. With nice clothes, I don't have the money. I get jealous of dp having independence and freedom going to work (we can't afford childcare). I guess what I'm saying is I want to feel like me again. I feel like physically I never reached my potentially because I stopped looking after myself and then obviously my body changed post birth. I wish I had the time or energy to go to the gym, the money for the protein shakes and dietary needs.
What I really crave is to get dressed up and go out into the town and see where the night takes me. I used to do this before dp and had some of the most interesting times. I miss the drama and the thrill. The unpredictably of it all and the spontaneity. My social bubble has gotten really small since having dc, I mean it already was but now it's even smaller. Turns out most of my friends don't want to talk about children or mummy stuff and I don't blame them as they are on a completely different place in life. I don't want to go to mummy/toddler group for many reasons, majority of the mums are older (I've been to soft plays so I know this) I don't want my life to be evolved around babies ect... I want to have more friends. Meet new people. I don't have time or money right now to join "clubs" or start up a hobby. So I was thinking it may be worth joining a date app. Back in my tinder days I remember seeing lots of profiles of people stating they were looking for "just friendships" and I used to think it was odd as I never correlated the app as a way of doing this. But now I think it may actually help me. It will be an easy and accessible way to make friends in the comfort of my home with my dc. Aibu to propose this dp. I doubt he will take it well and I'm apprehensive that he will understand.
But it's something I really want to do. I want to broaden my horizons. I want life to start feeling a bit fuller again. I assume there maybe apps for friends but I doubt many people would go on them if there even are. Yes I know dc will grow up and things will become easier but dc is just 17months and I'm still along way away for free childcare at 3. I can't keep this up until then it's driving me crazy!!!
Aibu?