Bloody awkward dc in holidays

[Sallymaria]

I have an 11 year old ds and am on maternity leave with a 4 month old dd. I've been putting pressure on myself to make the holidays fun for ds while trying to plan things that are also going to be suitable for taking a baby along.

I don't know if it's his age or what but he is soooo grumpy and just wants to spend his time gaming or on his iPad. When I can eventually drag him out he enjoys himself but sometimes I wonder why I bother when he seems much happier left to his own devices. I feel guilty as I have left him to it a lot when baby was first born and now I feel like he thinks he has free reign over screen time.

He us sulky and seems to have really distanced from us. It's making me really sad. Dh thinks it's his age. Any tips on engaging him a bit more? I'm also trying to carve out time for just us without the baby but that's easier said then done. I just don't want him to spend 6 weeks glued to his screens...

I think it's probably his age TBH, I've got one of a similar age. I'm sure he didn't used to be this much hard work! A few nice outings, and hopefully not too much screen time (it isn't the end of the world if there's a bit too much though).

I feel your pain. My eldest is now 13 and, for the last 3 years it’s been a case of “drag him out of the house and know that he will have a good time when he gets there”. Number 3 is the same now too, it’s exhausting and if someone else has a better idea I’d be all ears! Tbf we do have a good time, mostly, once we are out.

It's just the initial getting out isn't it? And if I'm honest some days I don't have it in me to argue when I've been up all night with the baby!

I feel for you. Slightly different situation but I am heavily pregnant and have a 4yo. My DH is away for work in the far east for the next three weeks so it's just me and DC. DC is off nursery for the summer (does term-time only). Parents are away visiting friends abroad and in laws are 10 hours drive away which I can't face so no joy there.

I am dreading the next few weeks, as I also have to finish some work as well as care for DC. Very few of my ideas - softplay, splash park, children's farm - would be suitable for an 11yo, but one thing which I am going to do is put DC in summer camp for a few days here and there. I imagine it's slightly harder to convince a pre-teen who just wants to be left alone with his screens, but are there any day camps round about you (bushcraft, coding, sports etc.) which your DS might like to do?

Cut down on the Ipad….

If he doesn’t want to join you on plans, ok, but I’d still be making sure he wasn’t glued to a screen all day and that he’d have to find other ways to entertain himself ie reading, drawing, Lego and such. Mine loves the tablet but gets bored of Netflix after an hour or so too.

I’m sure he’ll change his tune

@Goldbar yes funnily enough he is signed up for a couple of sporty day camps which will probably take up a day a week throughout the holidays so that's one thing to get him away from the screens. It just feels like a real battle getting him enthused to do things and sometimes I just don't have it in me.

Get him to invite a friend round.

I feel the same. My DC is watching far too much TV and having too much screen time atm because I just don't have the energy.

Whereabouts are you based? In your shoes, I'd probably organise some big trips out to places that interest him a couple of times a week and then let him have screens or friends around the rest of the time while you concentrate on the baby. It's quite hard to say to a child that age 'entertain yourself' when they know that most of their friends are on screens.

We're lucky because we're London-based and lots to do around here (though admittedly adding a baby into the mix makes things trickier). I'm taking my DC on a boat trip up the Thames, which is something I've seen a lot of older children enjoy too. Things like the air line at Greenwich (cable car), trampoline park and orienteering are other things which friends with older children have been doing.

What towns/cities are you near? Could you offer to bring a friend on some trips so your DS has company while you're dealing with the baby? If his friends aren't sporty, it's going to be difficult for you to just push him out the door and tell him to go for a bike ride.

I'm assumng your DH works, so it is easy for him to just swan off and leave you to it!
All very well saying, it's just his age, but how much is he contributing? Is he arranging things for DS to do? eg Takng him out in the evenings and weekends, the two of them planning, shopping and cooking together in the evenings, setting up treasure hunts, challenges for the day, thinking of and arranging day activities (not necessarily sporty things), etc etc etc??