Is this just an excuse?

[NameChanger567]

A couple of times acquaintances or people I thought were friends who are classmates or people I have worked with have not invited me to things. They haven't forgotten. They have just deliberately left me out. When I asked people who were invited why I was one of the only people not invited, they said the host didn't invite me because I didn't get along with someone who was going. A few of my friends (who don't know these people) said it was just an excuse and they probably just didn't want me there.

AIBU to think this could just be an excuse? What does everyone else think?

Surely if you didn't get along with someone, you'd just avoid them?

I think it's an excuse personally and they don't want you there.

Sounds like you need to make some new friends tbh. Don’t let it get you down though, people change with time, friendship change as well. YouCAN make new friends who will be more in tune with you.

I agree. I just wouldn't talk to someone I didn't get along with

It sounds like the person you don't get on with didn't want you there. But if that's not the case you can make up your own mind of you want to go or not, they shouldn't exclude you without telling you why as you're sure to find out. People can be very thoughtless

Is this one person your don't get along with, or is it multiple people? Was there any reason for the hosts to think there would be an incident of some kind if you were both there together?

Why are you asking other people who were invited why you were not? That's really awkward and inappropriate. What do you expect them to say? It's not their fault you weren't invited.

It could be an excuse but I think it's quite a reasonable one. You were putting the people you asked in a tough position, what did you expect them to say? Oh yeah the host finds you really annoying, doesn't like you at all. Of course they would come up with a white lie to smooth things over.

You can't always be everyone's cup of tea and be invited to everything. And if you aren't invited to something when you think you should have been, it's usually better to just make other friends rather than confront the person. That will lead nowhere.

I fear they don't like you or at least don't like you at social events.

Do you have form for getting drunk and aggressive, or eating all the food before everyone gets some, or something?

We have stopped inviting my half brother to things because he has very strong views on things that we really don't agree with (e.g he is a conspiracy theorist) and him being there often just ruins it for everyone else.

There was only one person going who I didn't get along with. I am not really sure if the hosts thought there would be an incident if we were both there. I would not have started an argument with that person.

YABU for asking people why you weren't invited when they aren't the host, that's really awkward and inappropriate.

Do you have strong views on things?
We had to stop inviting someone who had strong views on covid/government as they got really passive aggressive and moody towards everyone and ruined Christmas, got to the point where others would refuse to come if they came.
Failing that any bad habits?

To be fair I wouldn’t expect to be invited to something by an acquaintance or ex school friend / colleague unless I regularly socialised with them.

Also agree with PP who said it’s not appropriate to be asking people why someone else didn’t invite you somewhere.

I think if you’re the kind of person who will ask why you haven’t been invited to something, and the answer given is that you don’t get along with people then tbh the answer is that you’re probably a strong personality who people see as not agreeable or argumentative

I never get drunk (I don't drink alcohol-never have) or aggressive or eat all of the food. I also don't rant on about strong beliefs that I have

I would agree with this. Asking someone why you weren't invited was weird and awkward. Off the top of my head I can't think of anyone I don't get along with. There are people I like more than others, of course, but I don't have trouble getting along with anyone.

One of the events was a party for everyone in my tutorial group at university. Everyone was invited apart from me and a couple of others. They invited others who they weren't really friends with. The person who I didn't get along with also didn't get along lots of others people, but those other people were still invited which I found odd

Ask the people who did the inviting. You can say: hey I heard there was a get together for our tutor group and I was disappointed not to be included. Have I done something that made you feel you couldn't invite me?

Then ask the person who organised the event. Are they a close friend of yours?

I wanted to ask the host but it felt too awkward. I overheard them talking about it and asked what it was. They then told me about the party. I asked who had planned it and whether I was invited and they said no. I asked why I wasn't invited and they told me.

Everything about this is painfully awkward. The reality is that why someone didn't invite you is none of your business. No one owes anyone else an invitation. You really need to stop putting people in such an uncomfortable position and just let this go.

I think it’s odd that you asked other people this question: it was clearly going to put them in an awkward situation.

The fact you couldn’t see this coming suggests to me that you have form for inappropriate behaviour/failing to read a room/being selfish. I may be wrong but it’s very strange to ask this.

Besides which, as a pp says, it’s none of your business really. People invite who they want. No one should have to justify why they don’t invite anyone.

How self aware are you?
Are you a likeable person are you argumentative?

People generally like me and I am not argumentative