Wedding Invites

[Polly345]

I'll be getting married in the Summer.
It's only going to be small with only four guests.
The problem is there will be some friends and family who will be upset/annoyed at not being invited.
When I tell them we are getting married would it also be unreasonable to say it will only be small and they won't be invited?

I would consider going ahead with the small wedding and advising those who were not invited only after the event had taken place. I think that is most considerate of everyone's feelings Once it had happened there is no need for debate or discussion. You can share some photos, they can congratulate you, and you can all move swiftly on to the next thing.

Don't tell them!

We did this! Had just our mums (it was in Covid times) and just didn't tell anyone. There were a few surprised people when we announced it - it was great!

Agree with pps just tell them after the wedding

I agree with only telling them after the wedding. If the guests are (for example) only your respective parents I think most people will understand this. Is there anything that's likely to be 'controversial' about who you're inviting?

Just tell them you're getting married but not having a wedding. Done.

I wouldn’t call it a small wedding, I’d say we’re just having a ceremony with a few witnesses.

What reaction do you want from them?
Why do you even want to tell them if you're not inviting anyone. Just get on with it and stop creating drama.

I understand OP. Getting married in October with two witnesses and our kids only present. We compromised by doing an evening thing because we truly didn’t want to offend close family and friends, it’s just that a big thing wasn’t for us. We are on a tight budget and I was quite reluctant to do the evening part because I thought it would just quickly escalate and then we’d be spending a fortune. It hasn’t so far. We found a small, cheap venue where people can get their own drinks. The buffet is £6/head and we are not inviting that many so it’s possible. Bought some cheap but nice candle holders online as decoration and will pick up some balloons. A small cake could be picked up from M&S or similar if you’d like one. But if all of the above is also too much for you, why don’t you do as others have suggested and just tell people after. It’s okay to do this, it is your day. In terms of not upsetting people, our solution has worked well. People have been incredibly understanding and even excited. I also include them by asking how they’d decorate the evening venue, if they know of any good make up to use, what hair style looks good on me etc.
Congratulations 🎉 I’m sure you will have a lovely day!

I wouldn't tell anyone other than invited before had. Then just announce you had a small ceremony and are married.

Just tell people afterwards.....otherwise it will come across badly no matter how youbwprd it

We tied the knot having been together years so most people apart from close family thought we were married already.

is there any reason that you have to tell anyone or announce it? Why do you feel that you have to tell anybody?

Tell the witnesses to keep quiet.

Don't tell anyone until after the wedding. My cousin decided to have a registry office wedding with just two guests as his wife's family live abroad and none of them could get a visa to attend. He thought it would be unfair to have a wedding with all his family and friends there and no one on her side.

My Aunty took offence at not being invited, despite the circumstances and she and my uncle turned up at the registry office, in proper wedding outfits to watch. My cousin was not impressed.

I would hope they would be pleased but I know from previous situations that certain people would make it about them and cause a lot of fuss and upset.
I would hope people would be happy but sadly this wouldn't be so. Also my partner would want things very low key.
The less fuss the better and definitely no drama.

Thank you for your replies.
Yes. It makes a lot of sense just to go ahead and tell people afterwards.
Its such a change for me to do things exactly as I want. My gut instinct says this is the right way - so I'll trust my instinct!

i think if it was a close friend, who you chat to regularly, i'd be very hurt to find out afterwards.

I would not be hurt if you said "we are doing the legal thing, just parents there".

(family you don;t speak to regularly, just tell afterwards)

If they won't react well and you want to maintain a relationship, far better to be open than lie, but you don't have to be proactive. If they ask or it come up in conversation, tell them what you are planning, if it doesn't, you don't have to.

I would be far more hurt if I was lied to, than to be excluded from a four guest wedding.

I honestly thought this would be a simple decision.
Thank you all for your replies.
I have a lot of thinking to do.