Mum thinks I should give more to my sister

[jumpingbean1810]

I recently changed my role and am fortunate to earn a good salary. My sister works in nhs and i now earn c. 3x more than she does. We are both single parents but I have 1 child, she has 4. Whenever our mum asks what I've been doing, where I'm going on holiday, she makes comments about what a shame it is that my sister can't afford to do the same and how I should remember not everyone is so fortunate. I treat my sister and her children, paying for days out, meals etc and flights for her and her eldest to go to Venice. I always feel guilty after speaking to my mum and feel I should give more to my sister (despite her being v proud and would never accept direct money as I've offered before and she's declined, thus treating when I can). Aibu by not trying to do more?

I think your mum is very unreasonable. One of my children earns about 5 times that of the other. One (lower paid) works for the NHS as an allied health professional. The other is in a very well paid corporate position currently working abroad. He is very generous with presents etc, and his sibling recognises that, but none of us would ever expect him to subsidise them. And any money we give is equal. So the lower paid child is engaged, the higher one not, but we will give an equal amount to each for their weddings, and all inheritance will be equal.

“Yes Mum, I do know not everyone can afford these holidays - that was me before I got the new job and started to work incredibly hard, right? Don’t worry, I am putting away savings and not giving money away frivolously to people as I know something could happen and I could be back in that position again someday. And of course, it is a shame DSis can’t afford it now, but my circumstances changed, let’s encourage her to look for more career potential outside the NHS so she can have this too! Now I really need to go, the bag to Capri won’t pack itself.”

It’s not your job to financially prop up your sister EVER (or your mother either if she tries that one). You are being very generous already and hopefully gratitude from the recipient won’t turn into entitlement or expectation of ongoing or more financial support.

This thread is from JULY.

Spot on

If your mum tries to pay for stuff and your sister refuses this is a way for your mum to feel in control by making you do it as your sister accepts it from you.

No way. If she wanted to have more disposable income, she could've had less children like yourself. What a strange attitude for your mum to have

Your mum is being totally unreasonable. I have two adult daughters and would never expect either of them to subsidise the other. By an accident of birth you are siblings, but also separate individuals who need to make their own way in the world.

I think you do too much as it is, but it's up to you if you want to treat your sister sometimes. It shouldn't be an expectation though.

Zombie thread!

next time your Mother asks what you've been doing, say you don't wish to discuss it as she'll only go into a rant about you should be sharing your money with your sister.

If she is that manipulative and disrespectful, go non-contact for a bit - doesn't have to be forever, but a year or a few months may bring a change in her attitude towards you.

This.

Well done.

Stop discussing stuff with your mother, and call less.

Explain why if she asks.