Friend commenting on other friends weight

[NojudgementMum]

I’ve just noticed recently how some of my friend group are always talking about weight.

Not just agonising over their own weight (which they are all in the health range) but also commenting on other woman we know, even some friends.

A few of them comment about friends who have gained, and say it with a snigger.

Ive put on weight since having my babies and I know I’ve been discussed like this. It kinda makes me sick and feel like shit. I’be started avoiding these friends and made new kinder friends, but convos about weight always creep in.

Can I ask it is the norm in your own friendship groups to constantly criticise other friends weight? I just find it so disgusting and nasty!

AIBU for cutting out friends who speak like this?

"If weight loss is an achievement then I've failed lots over seven years. I don't like the public judgement of women's physical appearance."

It is still an achievement to lose weight. If compliments about success make you unhappy and feel as if your friends only care about your weight then that is insecurity talking.

If I congratulate someone on passing their driving test or having a fantastic new hair cut, it doesn't mean that's all there is to know about them.

And if you fail at something, your friends might notice - of course they will - but will have enough tact and love for you to avoid commenting on it.

I really think that, if you are offended by a compliment, then that is unusual and you can't judge the person delivering it too harshly. Maybe make your friends and colleagues aware that you don't want compliments.

My closest friends have bee my friendship group for 20 years and never once has anyone discussed the weight of anyone other than themselves. Though any kind of conversation about weight at all is a very rare occurrence.

Most women I know discuss weight, but usually their own. There is much positivity expressed if someone loses weight...to a point. After which the 'don't lose anymore' 'you're looking a bit too thin' comments start creeping in. Which is interesting, as no one has ever lost so much weight they have looked remotely underweight.
I have not heard any nastiness around weight gain.

@FinallyHere I 100% agree with this!

I started losing weight last year and ended up going too overboard, I lost 3 stone in 3 months and was 8 stone. I was told by a doctor I was heading towards anorexia because I was cutting my calories too much.

But everyone constantly told me how much better I looked, slimmer I looked, “you go girl!” “Amazing figure” On all my photos. I’d have people at work come up to me and ask for weight loss advice.

I do think it’s nice for friends to cheer you on if you’ve made it clear you want the compliments “I’ve been going to the gym lately, do you think I look slimmer or more toned”

But if I haven’t asked for opinions, I’d say it’s best not to mention weight

Also one of my friends lost a lot due to stress and a loss in her family. People would comment on her weight loss saying it’s great. Hmm…

"Also one of my friends lost a lot due to stress and a loss in her family. People would comment on her weight loss saying it’s great. Hmm…"

Anyone who knew her well would know it was due to stress and grief and not to be mentioned.

Anyone who doesn't know her that well - well, their unwanted compliment can be shrugged off as well-intentioned surely.

I don't want it to be that you can't compliment someone for fear of upsetting them. Surely a compliment lifts someone more often than it upsets them.

I mean, people can't know that your fabulous new outfit was bought by your late husband, or that your fabulous new hair cut is a pick-me-up following a health scare, or that you successfully passed your driving test because your abusive partner stopped giving you lifts. They are just noticing something good about you and saying it, with the honest intention of giving you a boost.