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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go to the festival?

34 replies

StripyTShirt · 23/07/2022 14:45

"D"H has forbade me to go to a festival I have booked tickets for in September. He's saying if I go, he will leave me and I'm choosing it over my family.

For background, says he worries about me when I'm drinking. But won't listen to any compromise (I've said I won't drink) but he won't listen and talks over me just saying no.

AIBU to just go? It's not like I'm out clubbing every week, I work hard and take care of my family.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/07/2022 15:14

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/07/2022 15:10

And because there is a big difference between discussing something - because you both need to make sure the arrangements work (“I'd like to go to X, the third weekend in August - are you working then?”), and asking permission.

This. Always do the former. I rarely do the latter (only when it's disruptive or there's additional work for DH).

Topgub · 23/07/2022 15:15

@yonce

Nope.

Me having plans wouldnt ever impact on him (he never has plans).

I know what he works, dont need to ask.

And if for some reason anything classed we have plenty other childcare options

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/07/2022 15:16

StripyTShirt · 23/07/2022 15:13

There have been a few cultural issues through the years but he has never forbade me to go anywhere before.

I didn't discuss with him before I booked because I always go and it doesn't impact on him anyway as my children go to my mums for the night. I booked it with my own money so not impacting on bills/ family finances.

Not a reverse and I am definitely a woman.

In which case go. Either he is controlling and you need boundaries and to leave, or he's being a bit of a twat, in which case you need boundaries.

Greensleeves · 23/07/2022 15:17

Given your updates, I'd say he's entirely in the wrong. He has no right to tell you what to do or where to go unless you're behaving in a way that impacts him - which you aren't.

I would laugh in his face, tbh, and go to the festival. If that means the breakup of a relationship that has turned toxic and unhealthy, then so be it.

balalake · 23/07/2022 15:17

Sounds like a hollow threat and he will not go through with it.

catfunk · 23/07/2022 15:18

Assuming if he says this every year and you go every year he won't actually go through with it ?
How tiresome though, I couldn't be arsed with this every year. Tell him to leave if he doesn't like it.

Hbh17 · 23/07/2022 15:28

You do not need his permission to go anywhere.
He has no right to "forbid" you.
This issue may just be an indication of much bigger problems, sadly.

BowiesJumper · 23/07/2022 15:33

Of course you should go. It would never occur to me to get permission to go out or to an event, I would just make sure the logistics worked out with my husband and visa versa.

Daisycrown · 23/07/2022 15:45

What are the cultural issues OP?

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