I want affection and being told I'm using sex as a weapon

[cattycatty12]

My baby is 8 weeks old and the last week my partner and I had sex twice. I'm not feeling great about how I'm looking at the moment as I have a baby tummy still and I feel it's huge.

My other half and I had an argument last night/today and he brought up that I'm not in to sex much.

I explained (which I've already done over the past few weeks) that despite telling him that I want sex I am feeling very self conscious because of my belly and that stops me.

On top of that, I explained that there's not much affection between us in the day and that's what I find sexy. I'm way more turned on and want sex when we are happy with each other and kiss throughout the day, affectionate throughout the day.

Now he's accused me of using sex as a weapon?! AIBU to want the affection etc first?!

It was about 12 weeks before I felt like sex again, and compared to some friends, that was quite soon! One friend admitted she didn't want sex for almost a year.

It's all quite normal to not want sex for a while after the baby is born, and your DH is a wazzock.

Not wanting sex for a while after a baby is quite normal and nobody should be pressured into having sex if they don't want to. But I am not totally clear from your posts if you are being pressed or not (sorry got a banging headache and really tired so maybe not thinking straight) is he pressuring you or are you saying to him I want sex tonight then when tonight comes saying no I don't because you haven't done x, y or z? Which would make his statement slightly more understandable but still wrong. What would happen if you didn't mention it during the day?

No he's not pressuring me.

I sometimes say I want it and we have it (4 times in a week when the baby was 6 weeks old) and sometimes I say I want it and just can't because of how awful I feel. The reaction from him is the same whether I mention I want it or not, because he tries it on which is fine but I guess feels rejected when I say no and then goes in a sulk.

When baby was 7 weeks he sulked the entire week as we didn't have it that week, I tried explaining I was having a particularly bad week in terms of how I looked because the weather was nice and I couldn't fit in to any of my summer clothes so just didn't feel sexy. It wasn't enough, the sulk continued until we had sex the following Sunday 😔

Why are you rewarding sulking with sex?

You need to sit down and list the following:

• your confidence issues with your baby body
• how you are still healing
• how he only shows you affection when his dick is about to get wet

If he doesn’t take heed then you have your answer- he’s a cunt and his sex drive is king, not your feelings, and this unfortunately is your child’s father

When baby was 7 weeks he sulked the entire week as we didn't have it that week

This is pressuring you though.

It's guilt tripping you and making you feel guilty for not shagging him when you don't want to.

You had sex four times in the sixth week after your baby was born. You've had sex twice in the eighth week too.

This man is frankly a fucking idiot if he's feeling hard done by.

Sulking is pressure. Because it's effectively punishment designed to teach you that not doing what he wants will result in tension and a rubbish atmosphere.

A sulky man-child just gives me the ick. I'm amazed you've had it as much as you have, I could not be with someone like that. Does he realise you're a human being and not a wank sock?

When baby was 7 weeks he sulked the entire week as we didn't have it that week, I tried explaining I was having a particularly bad week in terms of how I looked because the weather was nice and I couldn't fit in to any of my summer clothes so just didn't feel sexy. It wasn't enough, the sulk continued until we had sex the following Sunday

This is abusive. Sulking an entire week? When your partner just gave birth. He's not an OK person.

Agree with the above, the sulking is pressure because it is done to make you change your mind. It is a different type of pressure to badgering you but it still has the same end result.

I can't even get past the 8 weeks old part. I dont remember even contemplating sex at that stage.

Your DP is a revolting, misogynistic sex pest, immature and abusive. How can you say he sulked for an entire week, but not think that this is abusive. He feels an entitlement to you and doesn't care about your feelings.

Yes.

Absolute cunt.

He’s giving me the ick just reading your posts 🤢.

There is nothing more unattractive than someone badgering you for sex and sulking when they don’t get it is just embarrassing!

Stop talking about it during the day.
If he asks if you’re having sex tonight say you don’t know as you don’t know how you’ll feel later on.

If you want to have sex then do it but don’t do it just to stop this child from sulking.

Most men will increase their affection and attention towards their partner when they want sex, not sulk!

It's still abuse, even if it's not a beating.

I had less sex than that after a coil change.

Have sex in the daytime, when you feel like it. He's clearly not bothered how you look or feel, is he?

Four times when baby was six weeks? And another twice at eight weeks? Tell him to go fuck himself if he thinks about acting hard done by, loads of women don’t feel like it at all so soon after birth! (Understandably!)

I'm still in awe of him bring "more than happy" to take over the baby duties for you to have a shower.

Fuckin hell.....its the very least he can do. The baby is his responsibility too ffs!

Don't have sex to please him, you'll end up hating yourself and losing any respect you have for your relationship. He sounds extremely selfish.

This is not a good man.

😭
You have had a baby with him but you do not have to subject yourself to this just because you have a baby together.
You deserve better than an 8 week old baby and a dickhead sulking you haven'thad more sex. He has had more than my x got when my baby was 8 weeks and he was awful.

He IS pressurising you. Sulking is a form of manipulation.

The faster you wake up to him being a sexpest the better.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I've been upset reading them because everything I've felt over the past 2 months I'm not sure if they've been me overreacting because of post natal hormones or not so it's nice to know I'm ok to feel what I have. I'm not sure why I've put up with the sulking when he wasn't getting sex and actually trying so hard to explain to him why I don't want sex sometimes and still having him sulk. We've had a huge argument over the phone yesterday and this morning he messaged to ask if the baby was ok. Nothing about me though he just does not care in the slightest and I need to face up to that 😔. Thanks everyone 😔

Yes really 🙄