Smile love, it may never happen

[Julie89uk]

I was in the queue at Aldi earlier and the bloke in front of me turned around looked at my face and said "smile love it may never happen"..

what does this mean?

This is twattish behaviour to a stranger.. For the record my face was neutral

But it's exclusively said by men to women.

What's it them if I look miserable?

Do you honestly think that 🫤. It's not the worst thing to say to someone but it's still rude. It's nasty to comment that someone looks miserable. Either the person is miserable which is obviously not ok or the just look miserable which no one wants to be told.

If someone actually cared that someone looked unhappy a normal person might just ask if they were ok. With a smile.

I got asked it once when I was younger but I think it was because I was actually absent minded lay glaring at someone so it was probably fair enough. The person I was staring at was being a tear but I should have either said something or ignored them completely. Glaring is a bit passive aggressive for me.

Yup. Exactly this.

I get this less now as I'm post menopausal/invisible. But my preferred response is along the lines of ' Hey, Random Man. My face, my expression'.

In a check out queue I might be tempted to nod to his shopping bags and say 'Have you got room in those for the outdated 70s sexism?'

😂😂😂

Aldi, queue , bliss !.

Sainburys automated check-out, you don't have to Q or speak to anybody, just blip and go.

Posted regularly on threads about men asking women to smile but always worth it.

It already has im looking at you

Someone literally shouted this at me from a building site when I was on my way to register my Dad's death!

The teacher on the gates used to say this to me at least once a week when I was walking between classes at school.
normally I was with friends and chatting so I never really got it, I didn't think I looked miserable.

I started off smiling at him and it got more and more sarky everytime he said it. It was so repetitive. I told him to fuck off once and got a detention but he never said it again.

Next time I might say, 'Tuck your gut in darlin'. No one wants to look at saggy bellies. Good boy. That's better. Nicer for everyone, isn't it?'

My MIL had literally just died, and I got into a taxi at the rank right outside the hospital! Taxi driver said this to me. I said it just has, and he pretended he didn't hear me.

im always amazed by the amount of people who say answer him back or come back with a rude reply as if this is going to solve anything.

What if he gets more aggressive or says something else etc, you dont know who your dealing with just ignore him.

Why do men and we shall be honest here, it's only ever men, say it if it means nothing?

I mean I think it's because they think its, witty/charming/I've never heard it before/pick your reason.
But what it says to me, is woman your time and attention should always be on looking pretty, and taking notice of me, so here I am telling you so you can do better.

The very first time it was said to me, I had just lost my mum, so he said smile love, and I burst into tears and said my mum just died. And I've used that line ever since to hopefully put a few men off saying it forever more.

I always respond to this with a blank look and "are you talking to me?" when they say yes I respond with a genuinely confused "Why??". They usually get the message.

This is great. I'm going to remember that.

I feel like I must be living in another dimension coming on mn sometimes. I’ve had this said to me loads by both men and women (I have resting bitch face and look permanently miserable), and I’ve said it to people myself. I guess it depends on the tone? I live in a really friendly area and I’ve used it when I’ve seen someone in the street looking upset, it’s a way of starting a dialogue with someone who looks like they may need to talk to someone. The response is either to give a quick smile and then ignore you (so basically leave me alone), or they talk to you if that’s what they want.

They say it because they want you to notice them, so best to pretend you haven't heard. But the stupidity of the taxi driver outside the hospital is beyond belief.

"Please explain what gives you the right to comment on my facial expression?"

Haha, my response is "my face, fuck off"... as a short, round, wild grey haired menopausal woman it surprises people and they generally shut up.

This happened to me, I answered with "are you joking?"

My response now is pinched from here. "Well I have a total stranger telling me what to do with my face, so I rather think it already has".

Or: "You do know that women are people too, and not just put on earth for men to look at, right?"

But what if it stops him harassing other women with it?

Generally a man who says something like that won't get aggressive if he doesn't like your response. He'll sulk off and say "I was only being nice/making conversation" or whatever

Have you thought of just saying
Are you alright?
It's a better conversation starter and can be hand waved away with a yes I'm fine if someone doesn't want to talk.

You've actually told a stranger who looks visibly upset to smile??
Bloody hell, how insensitive? Why should someone smile? Why is it important to look smiley and happy all the time.

If I was upset and a stranger told me to smile I'd think they were a bit of a knob tbh and I'd ignore them.

And I also live in a super friendly place but it's not acceptable to tell strangers what to do with their face.

But it's a ridiculous thing to say. You shouldn't tell people what to do with their face. And how on earth do you know they're not upset about something that has already happened?

not necessarily, things could escalate i wouldnt bother saying anything myself, if he says it too someone else let them deal with it. There are times when you dont need to say anything.

Have you thought of just saying
Are you alright?
It's a better conversation starter and can be hand waved away with a yes I'm fine if someone doesn't want to talk.

Exactly!! Telling someone to smile is so patronising.