6 weeks holiday

[BiscoffSundae]

Aibu to dread the summer holidays? I’m a single parent and oldest dd and ds both have asd I have no family help and ex is not in the picture so school is they only break I get , both of them haven’t managed to make any friends at school so they don’t meet up with anyone in the holidays meaning it’s left for me to entertain them during the whole 6 weeks, we don’t live on an estate so kids also don’t play out here so unless I’m taking them out daily they will be bored at home climbing the walls, going anywhere is expensive so there is the cost as well, I won’t get a single break at all in 6 weeks and I find them relentless and they just drag on so much having to constantly keep them entertained as they are getting older it’s harder to entertain them as they are getting too old for things like park/soft play

I was just having a moan about it on a single parents group thinking people would relate and got told I am lucky to get to spend 6 weeks at home with my kids as if I’m not with them every minute of the day unless they are at school 😕

Aibu to struggle with the 6 weeks holiday?

YANBU. As for a lot parents, school time is a bit of respite. Every parent needs a break. Don’t feel guilty, or be too hard on yourself.

Could you enquire with your local authority if there are any clubs that cater for ASD and SEN children throughout the holidays? If so, could be a great starting point for them to make friends if they’re struggling at school.

How old are they? There is an element that they need to entertain themselves with their own interests.

Those that work won't have a clue how hard it can be doing 6 weeks 24/7 but they may well have stress of organising and paying for childcare.

The older ones are 11 and 10 but I also have an 8 year old and 5 year old

Your kids can entertain themselves. You don't have to be some sort of personal clown. I will be working most of the holiday, from home, and mine will entertain themselves. No family help here. I'll take a few days off and we're going on holiday.

You also work, right? Surely that takes up some of your time.

Resenting your children is a horrible trait. It isn't their fault you're sad. They will learn how to be resourceful and imaginative by doing their own thing this summer, and you can focus on yourself and whatever it is you need to do to sort out that resentment.

I don’t resent my children wow there is no need for that where did I say I resent them? No I don’t work as I’m a carer.
when I say entertain them I don’t mean dancing around like a clown I mean taking them on days out as they get bored at home and end up arguing.

Well it's hard because you have 4 children, two with special needs! That would be a lot for anyone to manage, especially on their own.

Can you book them in for any holiday clubs to break up the week?

Reading my comment back it sounds like a dog, it was meant to be sympathetic. Sorry 🙈

dig*

Regret posting now never mind. I never said I resented my children and no I don’t work as my 2 oldest have sen but will be judged for that anyway, forget I posted, I should know what aibu is like.

Are there any low cost holiday clubs available? If your eldest 2 have SEN is there anything they could attend for some of the time there would only be the other 2 to occupy? Even the odd day here and there would give you a break, it sounds tough.

I have 4 DC and yep it is difficult and relentless add ASD and blimey hard work.

Even here people have had a sympathy fail.

No one sets out expecting to be a single parent of 4DC.

Does divide and conquer help at all with the squabbling? Can you pair them up with an older one helping/teaching the younger one something?

How does it work to get them to help with chores before going out - aka keeping them busy?

Have you read "siblings without rivalry"? I found that very helpful with understand the dynamics of what was going on and managing it better.

At those ages I’d go with one activity a day, and let them have screens/ play in the garden/ read / draw the rest of the time, or drag them out with me to do food shopping, post letters, walk dogs, whatever.
I have 4dc too with similar age gaps (but no SEN). Things that they’d look forward to that don’t cost include
paddling in a river
day at the beach
a walk and a picnic
sleeping in dens in the living room
camping out in the garden
water gun fights
football in the park
outdoor lido/ paddling pool
movie and popcorn in the lounge
toasting marshmallows and sitting round a fire pit one evening
making and tossing pancakes
skate board/ scooter park
bike ride
climbing trees in the park
table tennis in the park
library

I’d do one of these maybe 5 or 6 days a week, then once a week or two a bigger activity: trampoline park, climbing, swimming, petting zoo, cinema, bowling, cafe for ice cream/ waffles.

Round here there’re free sports camps for children on FSM too. Mine aren’t, but the activities they do look brilliant! Also, if you have any school mum’s phone numbers I’d invite someone over to play even if they aren’t “friends”. It takes the focus off you and keeps them entertained, plus it might help them strike up a friendship. My kids would all be very happy to be invited to a classmates house, even if they weren’t close friends normally! And you’ll probably get an invitation back in return

Do your kids have asd too? Would be useful if you could give some tips on how you’ve managed to get them to be resourceful and imaginative as my son also has asd and struggles to entertain himself

Totally understand how you feel. It's okay to find the holidays overwhelming and that doesn't mean you resent your children.

Do your older children get any funding for respite? Can you ask your council about having a RAS assessment done to assess their level of need. They may then be eligible for holiday clubs/enablers to take them out etc...

Has your 8 year old had a young carers assessment? Locally young carers, including those who need a break from their siblings with asd, get offered free trips in the holidays and funded places on holiday clubs.

Do you have the charity home start near you? If you contact them, they may be able to offer you some support as well.

I only have two ds, so not as hard to juggle as having four, but I still find it bloody hard. My eldest has asd as well. One thing I find that helps is to make a really big timetable for our kitchen wall, so they can see a breakdown of the holidays.

I try and have 1 trip out each week that costs money (but as cheap as possible), then a few free things- library days out/walks to a river etc... but I also timetable movies/den building/baking etc.... and it helps them yo see what is going on.

It's totally okay to have a pj day, where you build a blanket den in front of the t.v, make a load of popcorn and stick a few movies on, whilst you sneak off to the kitchen for coffee and cake and a few minutes peace.

YANBU, it's hard work.

My kids for some reason have EIGHT WEEKS this year. We're two down already and not doing bad. I do work part time and have changed my hours about so I only work mornings 4 days a week meaning we have the afternoons and one whole weekday together each week. Money is tight so I introduced 'time out Tuesdays' and 'fun Fridays' - yes they have to make their own arrangements in the days between if they are bored at home, but they are guaranteed two outings a week. Some are more costly (swimming/taboganning/cinema) and some are freebies, especially the Tuesdays as it's only an afternoon activity (botanic gardens/bike ride/geocaching). I think the planning has helped the kids to accept the days between. Best of luck OP

YANBU to struggle, indeed even if you were a two adult household.

I like this!!!!

OP it's hard. I'm alone and only have 1 child (who also has asd).

I agree with trying to get out everyday.

How about setting a chore or 2 each every morning and then head out after lunch?

What about a paddling pool?
Library reading challenge.
Charity shop for new board games.

Is there a Facebook group for ASD parents in your area? That could be a way to make some friends and find out about activities you may not have been aware of. I found one for our area via the website of one of the autism charities.

If the DC are on FSM the local council should have a holiday club offer with a meal. Check their website.

OP I hear you. And I only have two (1 ND) so big kudos to you!

Some things we find helpful -

The children know that they must do the following before ANY screens:
wash, dress, breakfast
tidy room and make bed.
Exercise - walk or park with dog ( and me) or dancing or whatever.
read something or listen to audio book
something arty or crafty - even if it’s just colouring a picture.
minimum 1 chore ( not including their own beds which is a given)
One game , usually uno.

They are each responsible for planning, shopping and cooking one meal a week - obvs with adult input and assistance. They love this!

All of these must be completed before screens. The children end up competing to see who can complete tasks quicker! After that, all bets are off and screens are fine.

Food - they are so much better if they eat healthily! Too much sugar results in being hyper followed by a meltdown. That may be just my kids though.

At the beginning of the summer, we sit together and list ideas and plans for the hols. Generally free or cheap - park, beach, woods (all with picnics), museums, library, movie day or night, swimming, outside fire etc etc. We usually holiday every other year, first time this year since 2019. No big treat days out if holidaying - maybe 1 or 2 if not.

The list gives them some ownership and they enjoy ticking them off.

I hope some of that’s useful.