To want the fairy tale?

[StressfulBedtimes]

I have a very solid life, long term relationship (15 years) 4 DC, mortgage, all that boring shite

However, up until maybe 6/7 years ago we were very on and off, and we both openly acknowledge that if it weren’t for the DC and having to see each other/be around each other during those breaks that we wouldn’t actually be together now
I have never been with anyone else since we met but he has been with lots of other women and had other girlfriends
Regardless now I’m happy, we’re the strongest we’ve ever been, and he gets me, even if it did take him a while
But I can’t help but think, will I regret this when I’m old?

I really want to be in a relationship where I feel like the person is just obsessed with me, can’t think about anyone else, wants me and only me, an all consuming love … and I’ve never really had that
Lots of people around me lately have died, some of them long term single women, and it makes me terrified that I’ll get to 80 and think ‘fuck, no one ever really loved me’

AIBU? Does that really exist? Am I comparing myself to a Disney fairytale and should I just be grateful for what I have?

I think you’ve set the thread in the wrong direction by using the term ‘obsessed with me’.
You don’t mean that of course…you meant someone who is blown away by and in love with you. Someone who thinks you’re just wonderful and is glad of the opportunity to be with you. Someone who genuinely appreciates you.

I understand that.

That kind of obsessive love can be really off-putting actually. I think its normal for more intense feelings to lessen over time. I love DH but our relationship is definitely less intense nowadays

This.

OP, there is a reason why the fairytale always ends with the couple getting together, and doesn't go on to show what happens after that. It's because real life, normal life where you have to get up and go to work and take care of your kids, doesn't usually make a very interesting story.

You don't want a fairytale, you want stability and commitment and contentment with a man who makes you feel like you are the only one for him. Unfortunately you've spent 15 years (and had four kids) with a man who hasn't treated you very well, and if I'm not misunderstanding your OP, you aren't even married to. If you say you want a fairytale, I'm guessing you'd probably like to be married too.

Only you can decide whether you actually want to stay with this man or end your relationship in the hope that you one day find something better. With four kids, your priority should really be them, and so if you do end your relationship I think you probably need to be ready to spend some time being single and just focusing on providing stability for your kids, not going on Tinder the first chance you get. Also, assuming you're not married or otherwise well off, you'd need to think about how you will support yourself and your kids financially if you do split up with your partner.

On the other hand, I do think life is too short to spend with someone who doesn't love and value you the way you deserve to be loved and valued. And as long as you're with someone who doesn't, you have very little chance of meeting someone else who might.

It exists, but you can’t live your whole life that way. It’s exhausting and the term ‘all consuming’ is accurate because it will consume you.

You could throw away your current life to chase it, but only you know whether you would end up regretting it in the end.

This. Obsessed was definitely the wrong word, I mean exactly this.

And of course I know in the fairy tale a woman with 4 kids would never be the one who gets chosen, I just am worried I’ll die never having felt like someone really really loved me.
And that just honestly makes me feel so fucking sad.

Everyone, or 99.9% of people, die knowing that though. Its just how things are.

I think the only time someone really really loves us, is our mother when we are young babies. That's it. After a few years that's gone and no one ever will again.