To feel sad that his ex messaged him

[Lightningboltpink]

Bit of a long story… I am currently in the process of selling my house to move in with my DP. It’s such an exciting time for us, the beginning of a new chapter.

Tonight I went to see my DP and the first thing he told me is that his ex messaged him last night. It completely knocked the stuffing out of me. This is a woman he was with for around 2 years and the split about 4 years ago. From what he tells me she was emotionally abusive towards him and when he left the relationship she didn’t take it well. This led to her harassing him, creating fake social media profiles so that she could message him abuse or sometimes messages that she missed him etc. This all happened before we met.

We have been together for coming up to two years and now randomly out of the blue she messages him from another fake profile. She sent him a video of her on a night out with her friends. He said it made him feel sick hearing from her and brought back all the horrible feelings she made him feel previously.

He deleted the messages and blocked her without replying. I told him I’m glad he told me and I’m obviously not annoyed at him.

AIBU for feeling sad that someone from his past can still affect his emotions in such a way, that she has cropped up at what is such a happy time for us and that she is clearly still thinking about him?

Feel free to knock some sense in to me!

She’s an ex and he’s obviously not interested. He hasn’t tried to hide it and dealt with it appropriately before telling you. I wouldn’t think you had anything to worry about.

He sounds like the relationship with her was traumatic for him. Trauma can last for years. He might struggle for a long time with it. It is sad, yes.

Why do you care that she's thinking about him, though? What does it matter to you what she thinks about?

I think I just feel very protective of him, I don’t like the thought of someone still having the power to make him feel anxious etc. I don’t want us both to feel like we are just waiting for the next fake profile as it really knocked
him for six (that’s why I care that she’s still thinking about him).

He definitely dealt with the situation in the best way anyway. I’m just not sure why it made me feel the way it did!

I Understand your perspectives, I think if an ex messaged me, I'd be puzzled but depends on what is said.

I think you need to look at it that it didn't affect him in any way other than to make him feel glad he is in a better place with his current relationship

I know where you’re coming from @Lightningboltpink My husband’s ex-wife still sends him nasty messages from time to time and we’ve been together 7 years! They split up 9 years ago FFS. The woman is obsessed. It upsets me when he gets upset if she says he can’t see the kids for example. She tries to use them as a weapon but I just do my best to reassure him.