To think my sister has warped my lone parent struggles into me having PND

[Benedictarnold]

I’ve brought my toddler up alone since birth. I’ve been on benefits so stayed at home (don’t shoot me). The only break I got was when the 15 hrs kicked in at 2.5.

My married sister has a child 1 year older. She has a lot of support from her husbands side and her child has been in f/t nursery since 9 months while she worked.

For 2.5 years I vented to her, thinking she understood the tiredness, the frustration etc because she was a mother too. Only to find out she’s been talking behind my back to my mother, saying I have PND. I don’t have PND. I love my child, love a lot of parenting but ffs if you can’t vent to your own sister about your screaming toddler, then who can you vent to? It’s just left me feeling really angry and disgusted. It’s not like I said anything horrendous. Only that I was tired of 24/7 baby/toddler care. I don’t want to speak to her atm.

I can understand your perspectives and frustrations, this is why I talk to the kettle so to speak, or mumsnetters under an assumed identity.

All the best and positivity op

Has she offered any practical support or just declared you have PND and left you to it?

No practical support whatsoever from her or anyone. I wanted emotional support. I don’t have many friends, and I thought she was commiserating with me. Nope. Just talking behind my back all this time.

I understand. I work part-time and Im much more patient and emotionally resilient in dealing with my toddler in the evening after my work days - even if I’m tired (bad work days aside). In the days I’m off work and I look after him all by myself, I’m borderline having a breakdown by bedtime, I’m so emotionally knackered. I couldn’t imagine doing it full time by myself. I don’t think she understand because she went back to work during the cute baby stage and has to deal with it on the weekend, and some women (not all) resent having to go back to work at that age and look back on it with rose spectacles. I think a big part of it is also being a single parent vs having two responsible adults available to the child. My dp is useless, but even I’m resigned to say it’s easier to have him there than no one else at all.

FYI that’s not to say that working is the easy route, I often wish I could quit my job because the logistics of working and raising a child is so hard- however, being a SAHM is never really recognised for how taxing it really is!

Yanbu. It's just being an exhausted lone parent. Not PND.
Your sister doesn't understand how gruelling it is.

Oh no being a working mother isn’t easy at all. But I wouldn’t diagnose her with depression if she complained about her job to me. That’s all. Thanks for the understanding. I wish my sister would get it