This isn’t just banter!?

[AssemblySquare]

Two of my colleagues don’t get on at all - long history behind it all. They are both more senior than me, but same level as each other. She manages a few big contracts, his are smaller but overall they have similar roles. In a meeting they had an exchange of views and he called her a silly bitch!!

I’m appalled! Others - including the CEO - are saying it’s just his humour, but there was nothing humorous about it! AIBU?

YNBU
A lot of the time what people call banter is better described as bullying.

A lot of banter is bullying, yes.

Not acceptable - are the others male including CEO. How did the "bitch" respond?

YANBU. My workplace wouldn't consider misogynistic name calling "banter", in fact he'd be lucky to keep his job.

CEO is a woman, and organisation is reasonably mixed in terms of gender

I think it is quite a divisive word, in so much as many people don't find it a particularly bad word, whilst others are horrified by it. I genuinely have never irl come across anybody particularly offended by it, and I hear very many women use it probably far more than men. I think it would be classed as banter where I work.

If they got on, agreed this kind of language was OK, did it in private and there was no imbalance of power, I would just about think it was vaguely OK.

In public, they don't get on, and he's called her a misogynistic swear word? Hard no from me.

And banter is code for being an arsehole but no one is allowed to complain. It's Schrodingers arsehole. See if anyone is offended and if they are, it's banter. Magical.

Schrodingers arsehole. Brilliant 😂

Banter is supposed to playful and lighthearted. Said in a heated exchange, where he disagreed with her it was clearly said as an insult. Spilled coffee in the kitchen and a close relationship “oh you silly bitch” and you’re both ok speaking to each other like that, fine .

It’s also massively unprofessional he had to resort to name calling to put her in her place after he couldn’t think of an appropriate argument / debate, but I’m not sure what would be done if the CEO doesn’t care. Sounds shit all round.

Did she find it funny? The fellas I work with are like that but it's all in jest and we all get on well. Depends how it's said and how it's taken in my opinion.

Reminds me of when Dermot o Leary called Alison Hammond a bi*ch live on air on This Morning this week! Did anyone see it? She didn't look impressed!

Do they actually get on or not?

Because if they don't get on then I think it's totally unacceptable.

If they actually do the "don't get on" as a banter/in joke between them then I would feel they ought to keep it out of the meetings, as it's clearly making others uncomfortable, but it's not as bad.

I had a similar situation years back on a forum. Me and another lady, both got on very well but had done things that have a bit of a jokey rivalry. (think like football teams). And we did sometimes tease each other a bit. Along the lines of "What do you expect from a Chelsea supporter?" It was fully mutual, and entirely jokey with no hard feelings at any point, and sometimes others joined in.
Then we got someone new joined, not from UK, who decided to tell us off and "that we really should learn to get on". I don't think they even got it when we, and others, explained, but we messaged each other, checked that neither of us was genuinely upset, and after that kept it off the board.