To expect better behaviour from my toddler

[mummynow31]

Not sure he's still a toddler but DS has just turned 3 last month
&
OMG!! What is this?! I thought age two was hard! He seems to have a regression in his behaviour.. he has been sooo good for a few months and now it's all a sh*t show

He's hitting his 6mo brother all time time, even asks me for permission to push him! When I say no he says ok and still runs over within seconds to push him

If anything doesn't go his way .. he would scream sooo loudly that people are stopping whatever they're doing to watch us. I try and stay calm and talk at a normal volume but that's pointless because he can't hear me. In reality all I want to do is shout back as loudly and ask him to stop 🤪

He's stopped sharing with anyone. Constant tantrums over anything. Got him the wrong colour of a cup today and he threw his water at me and started laughing. I had to pretend I was upset and cry and he didn't give a monkey

He now bites, scratches, punches and so on. I neeeeeed a break! Is this kid normal? Am I expecting too much?
We always try and explain why he shouldn't behave in such manner and if he hits his brother we take his favourite toy away until he calms down and apologises. We have also had to remove the baby and say baby can't be around you because you are not kind. Why is he like this? Every other 3yo seem better behaved to me. I really feel like I'm failing parenthood

Sorry for any spelling mistakes I'm trying to get baby to sleep as I'm typing

I'd try and avoid labelling him as 'not kind'. Label the behaviour 'hitting is not kind'

I'd say it's having a 6mo sibling rather than being a 3yo. It's probably dawned on him that the baby is here to stay! AND it's getting cuter and moving and taking mummys attention away.

I'd try and do some one on one time if you can, maybe do some role play with toys about being gentle etc.

It's probably to do with having a new sibling and reality has dawned. He'll adjust, but some one to one when possible might be a start.

They don’t call it threenager for no reason

baby can't be around you because you are not kind.

Blimey!

Try and age appropriate version of, "your brother would love to be with you. It's sad he can't because of the hitting." It's the behaviour, not the child. Natural, immediate, empathetic, firm consequences. Boringly enforced for as long as it takes (seemingly forever).

Well, his behaviour is very normal, and the way you're responding to it is pretty much the opposite to what you should be doing.

Name the feeling, hold the boundary, comfort, reinforce, redirect.

Stop taking things from him. Stop trying to guilt him by crying. Stop telling him that he isn't kind and implying that he doesn't deserve company. Would you be better behaved if you were treated like that?

Classic attention seeking, he's feeling threatened by the baby and the fact that he has to share your attention and affection. I'd try the love bombing method with him.

Threenagers.
possibly jealous of baby.
Distraction, praising good behavior, firm and consistent consequences.
remember he has very little reasoning abilities (he is too young) and little impulse control.
it does get better

Have you given him any 1 to 1 time since baby came, if you take him off for a day just on his own with no baby you could see a very different kid. They're tiny people, they dont understand what the baby is suddenly doing in their place. Your child is looking for a reaction and attention from you, it doesnt matter if the attention is positive or negative, once you're giving him attention.

Juggling it all is really hard, aside from watching behaviour around the baby, don't react to your DS. Get him to help with baby stuff and when baby does something interesting ask your DS did he teach the baby that cos you saw him do it once etc. It's really hard to stay calm and ignore but it has helped us over the years.

Thank you everyone.

You're right he has not had 1-1 time. My youngest had a crazy start in life so we're just about getting into a settled family life.

Baby is off to my parents for the day tomorrow and we will take DS1 out for the day

Btw, no judgement on no 1-1, it's learning and adjusting. Have a great day tomorrow, it'll do you good to have some time back without distraction and reset your relationship xxx

Baby is off to my parents for the day tomorrow and we will take DS1 out for the day

Lovely!

All the best and positivity op

I’d come down quite hard on him hurting the baby. That’s very different to him screaming over the wrong colour cup. Going forward any hurting of the baby would result in him being picked up and carried away for some quiet time in his room.

Get the book 1,2,3 magic by Dr Thomas Phelan

I bought it when my two were 2 and 5, the youngest was constantly hitting his older sister, and it was a life saver.

Tantrums are normal- I don’t think this is though ‘He now bites, scratches, punches and so on’. If he’s doing this regularly you need to tackle this as it’s not ok. The biting in particular is quite nasty. Does he go to nursery?

Been there. My lovely two year old turned into a nightmare three year old almost overnight, tantrums, not sleeping, windy. It was hell and I only have one child to contend with! She did just change again at about 3 and a half. I tried all sorts but in the end I think she just grew out of it. She's (mostly!) A delight now. I think grit your teeth and take heart in the fact it won't last for ever!