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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Violation of privacy?

2 replies

LunaC · 22/07/2022 17:08

Hi All

I'm new here so forgive me if this is not really the place for this... I'm in such turmoil I just didn't know where else to turn. Thanks in advance for taking the time to consider my predicament and for any advice you can offer me.

This is my story:

About 5 years ago I escaped from a 12 year abusive relationship with narcissist /sociopath. The abuse was so severe that he regularly threatened to kill me and even strangled me until I lost consciousness and almost died.

I returned to my home town with severe PTSD and (I'm ashamed to say) as a way of self medicating started drinking very heavily.

I got into such a terrible state that while I was at my sister's home I called an ambulance hoping to go to hospital and get help.

While I was waiting for the ambulance I was laying on the floor on a makeshift bed in a semi-conscious state, not looking my best as you can well imagine.

Anyway, I recently discovered that at this point my mother took a photo of me while I was unaware and sent it to one of her friends saying that I was "waiting for an ambulance" her friend replied along the lines of "do you think it's worth it?" my mother didn't respond to this message.

I've never had a good relationship with my mother; she was very neglectful of me as a child and she was not supportive of me while I was going through this breakdown in fact she made it clear that she "couldn't cope" with the situation and wanted nothing to do with me while I was going through it. I understand that sometimes you have to protect yourself and your mental health although I was in no way abusive or horrible to the people around me, just I was drinking a lot and not coping well at all.

I feel that there is a lot of hypocrisy in play here as my mother drinks 1 1/2 to 2 a bottle of wine every night and hides it from her partner and the rest of the family.

I no longer drink but I do still suffer from severe PTSD, depression and anxiety.

So now I just feel so completely violated that she would take photo of me at my lowest point and send it to one of her friends; someone who is not a kind person and who is actually (in my opinion) really quite a mean and horrible person.

I have not spoken to my mother since I found out what she did and I really don't think I ever want to set eyes on her again. I just find her actions sickening. Even though it's been over a week since we last spoke she hasn't reached out to me and is ignoring me back. She has no idea that I know what she did; our communication skills are both very poor and we never talk out our issues.

My question is am I overreacting? Should I just carry on as if nothing happened? I don't even know how I could confront her about her actions as we just never talk about anything. I don't know what to say to my sister and other family members about why I'm avoiding my mother. I'm considering leaving the country and cutting all ties with my family.

I have no children or other family members other than my 1/2 sister and her grandmother. I already cut my father out of my life due to his abusive behaviour.

Any advice you can give me will be very much appreciated as I'm completely lost as to what to do. I don't know how to cope with what I feel is such a huge betrayal of my privacy and trust.

Thanks again for taking the time to read this.

Kind regards
LunaC

OP posts:
Valeriekat · 22/07/2022 18:12

Poor you, you were utterly violated at your most vulnerable by someone who should have been looking after you. Your mother was awful.
You should tell your sister what happened though if you have a good relationship with her.

StripeyDeckchair · 22/07/2022 18:25

That is an awful thing to do to you.
You need to focus on your recovery and rebuilding your life. If that doesn't include your mother, for the reasons you stated, that is fine.

Strength and supportive vibes for you.

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