Returned to work after being off for mental health, AIBU to ask for your advice please?

[itwillbeokk]

I've posted on here in the past but have name changed so some of you may recognise me from previous threads. I found the advice from Mumsnet so helpful and am so grateful. I've now returned to work on reduced hours and so far it's going ok but there's been a few things coming up and I just wondered if I could just kind of unload here and see if anyone has any advice or words of wisdom.

I work from home and have been finding it difficult to concentrate. I just sit and stare at my work until it's approaching the deadline and then I rush to finish it all. It's like I need the adrenaline of an impending deadline to motivate me. I'm on light duties at the moment so nothing is urgent and I'm struggling to motivate myself.

I've also been struggling with general working from home things. I worry about going to the loo or making a coffee in case someone from work phones me and I miss their call, or if my Teams status goes to 'away'. Part of my return to work involves having regular breaks away from my computer, so I don't know why that anxiety is there for that. I stress myself out for no reason about it, for example in the morning I panic if I've not had time to make a drink and go to the loo before I log in as that means I'll have to do them on work's time. My work is very, very good at encouraging people to take breaks, they are incredibly easygoing and nobody checks up on us. We work via billable hours so we're trusted to just make sure at the end of the week we've worked all our hours, people go the gym etc in the workday so I don't know why I get anxious about it still.

I also get nervous before meetings and struggle to do my work when I know I have a meeting coming up. I get nervous in meetings and am overly conscious of my posture and what I'm saying. My mind also goes blank and I struggle to think on my feet, so if I'm asked if I have any questions I always say no, then once the meeting is over I realise there's lots of things I needed to have asked. I also worry about background noise in case it comes across as unprofessional (e.g. my dog barking).

As part of my return, I have to make a document that details signs that my mental health is slipping, so that me and/or my line manager can kind of notice them and intervene before it gets worse. Obviously this feels incredibly personal and vulnerable, but I understand why it's important. I'm just wondering how personal I should be, usually I'd be distant and 'professional' but obviously this situation is different. My signs are things like crying all the time, struggling to sleep at night, etc. I just wanted to check if it's appropriate to be including things like that or should it be written in a more distant, professional tone?

I think if you feel safe, you should be as personal as you want to be. That will be most helpful to you.

Sorry you are going through this. I am the same as you, I sit and stare at my screen for hours and days, and then finally do some work when I feel in danger of a a telling off from boss.

How did you get diagnosed?

Would you find it easier to focus if you can go into the office (if that’s an option)?

i think with the signs of slipping I personally would try and focus on things that would be evident at work, so irritability if you’re not sleeping for example. BUT there’s not really a wrong answer and the more honest you are the more likely it is that they’ll spot the signs. i agree it feels very vulnerable and personal but it sounds like you have a decent, supportive employer so hopefully it will help them help you 💐

I've struggled recently with work and I understand that complete feeling of inertia. I've had lots going on personally over the last 3 years and it has hugely taken its toll. I had to give up a role I was doing well at as everything got too much. I have been off and come back to lots of process changes and it has hugely affected my self confidence.
Your work sounds supportive which is good. I'd say be as honest as you feel you can. I'd also try and remind yourself it's ok to make a drink or take a break. I didn't read what your actual role is, so may have missed that but I think you said you are on a phased return so make sure you are making full use of all the benefits that brings.

I got diagnosed by my GP with anxiety and depression. I just feel like a bit of an outsider at work, it's a really laid back company and everyone is so chatty and social and I feel like I don't fit in. My anxiety is so high that I struggle to relax and speak with others

Contact your GP and ask to be put on the list for counselling. In some areas you can self refer. Always seek support and help and don’t struggle with your MH alone

Ok I will do, I think that could be helpful. I can also access a few sessions of counselling through my employer so I think that could help too

It is going to take a bit of time (been there). Some practical strategies that I found helpful involved structuring my working 'day'. I was on a phased return so shorter days amd lighter workload. Some practical strategies that I found helpful involved structuring my working 'day' hour by hour

• try setting a regular time for breaks mid morning/lunchtime and mid afternoon. I agreed this with my manager and put them on my calendar. Helped with fear of people thinking I was slacking and/or missing a call.
• try scheduling tasks in timed slots, so mini deadlines over the day.
• talk to your manager if you are struggling, it is not a weakness to recognise when you need support.

Good luck OP and take care.

OP if you're worried about people thinking you're slacking, even though you said it's pretty chilled, how about, for yourself only, noting down what you've worked. So 9-11 working at desk on XYZ project, 11-11:10 break, 11:10-1:00 working on ABC... simply so you know in your own mind that if anyone ever asks, you can evidence what you've worked? Might that help?

I'd get back into the office ASAP. The blur between home and work isn't healthy, so you're sat there waiting for messages but not being productive. X

Have a look at Access to Work mental health service. You can self refer and advocacy with employers is available so even if your manager is really good they can support you with engaging with them

It doesn't sound like working from home is working for you, is there the option to work from the office?