To send toddlers to nursery when I don't work?

[SleepingStandingUp]

I had planned on sending DTwins to nursery when they turn 3, for half days at DSs school. The opportunity has come up to send them for 30. And possibly 32.5.

If I send for 30 it's just the free hours, plus packed lunch. They'll finish 30 minutes before DBro.
If I send for 32.5 they'll all finish together but it will cost me £120 a TERM for both kids to cover the extra half an hour a day.

But here's the catch. I don't work. We qualify for the 30 hours as I'm a carer for DS who's at school. I could use the time to study and do more housework etc. But I wouldn't look for work.

Is it wrong to send them? I feel ike they'll be easier to take out as they get older so will I regret having no free time together? But otoh I'm conscious their speech is behind and they'll be nurserying with kids who've been in since 2 and kids who are in full time

If I worked it would be different but I'd use the vtiek for my OU degree primarily

Why do you say you don’t work? You’re a carer. That’s work, and bloody hard work I imagine.

I know you meant paid employment - I’m not trying to be an arse. But language matters and you shouldn’t devalue what you do by saying you ‘don’t work’.

And you’re eligible for 30 free hours for a reason. Because the state recognises how hard you work.

So ditch the guilt and send them. It’ll be good for them and good for you.

I don't work and I sent my twins to our local playgroup three mornings a week as soon as I could after they turned 2 - the entry age. They hadn't done much socialising up to that point thanks to Covid and I knew it would be good for them. They absolutely love it and have thrived. And it has made a world of difference to my mental health. It's not easy being home alone with two small people all the time. I use the time to do housework and to have a little bit of me time - go for a solo walk, do a hobby or take a bath. It's well worth it, and once the free hours kick in it is basically free, so it's a no-brainer. Their dad occasionally takes the morning off when they're in playgroup and we go out for brunch and some rare couple time!

Do it.

I'm a teacher and only ever used term time childcare. So every single holiday I looked after the kids myself without respite and no family nearby to help out. I loved being with them but I'd have been less run ragged if I'd had a break too.

It's probably part of the reason why I find myself burnt out now they are 6 & 8! I also set a precedent that all holidays are spent with doing everything; a precedent that my husband and kids benefit from but not myself in the slightest.

So yes, do it and don't even think about feeling guilty. I wish I'd done the same xxx

I agree send them! You don't need to use the full 30 hours - DS4 has done 24 hrs at preschool this academic year.

God yes. Self indulgent err no!

I did. I didn’t work and I sent my children to nursery when I got the free hours.

It was good for their socialisation and it gave me some free time.

Thanks everyone, I was expecting more people to say half day was fine but full day would be too much when they've always been home with me

There I absolutely NOTHING wrong with having time for yourself to meet a friend for coffee, watch Netflix or even have a nap!
I hate that women are made to feel like they should either be attached to their children or doing housework etc etc.
You are a human being and we need "us" time as well as family time.

Send them and enjoy the peace!! X

100% send them
My 5 went to nursery from about 9 months old and I didn't work, nor was I a carer.
I was a far better parent for having time away from them.

Goodness me , accept it!!! If I were you I’d DEFINITELY be finding the £120 extra term to collect them all together. Don’t let guilt make u ask for reduced hours etc, take them all!!! Days are long with kids and you have Additional needs in your home so defo take it, study , test- catch up on housework so your much happier parent when collection time comes!!!TAKE THE HOURS WITH OPEN ARMs!!!

I'd do it but hopefully you can choose when to pick up and drop off so you can do shorter days if needed.

It's a good idea as school won't b as much as a shock. My DS went a bit more feral and language went a bit backwards after doing more nursery - he wasn't one to one with a grown up anymore, but he's adjusted and has developed a bit further now in social skills / confidence.

DS does three days, but I drop him off later and pick him up sooner - I think that's a good balance for us.

It is not selfish or self indulgent. You'll be a better mum when you are with your three young children if you don't have to study when you should be sleeping.

I am a mum of four kids under 11, including twins (eldest two). In your position I would put the twins in for 32.5 hours (to make collection easier - half an hour to kill in the summer is fine, but half an hour when it is nearly dark and freezing is a totally different half hour), and focus on yourself and your studies for a while. If you manage to get on top of the house/you/your studies in a few terms, then review it and drop to 15 hours when they're older.

My advice is to take the break while it's offered. You have no idea what might be round the corner to mean you have less option for some you/study time, and the relentlessness of raising kids (particularly twins) takes its toll. Take the break while it's available.

I'd definitely send them. You don't really need a reason, but if you did, studying for a degree is a pretty good one.

The only reason it feels selfish is because you have had to think of yourself last to cops with twins and being a carer.
I would pay the extra. Infact in dd3 last term of school I paid for her to do breakfast club for half an hour just to avoid the school gate crush!

Dont feel guilty, you deserve a break. I have 3 year old twins who attend nursery 3 days I'm in work. Come September they get their 30 free hours I will be putting them in an extra day. I wont be going back to work an extra day until a month later but I'm going to enjoy having that extra day to myself for a month cause 3 year olds are hard bloody work, especially 2 of them.

I also think their speech will come on loads once they start. It massively helped my girl twin develop her speech.

Nursery is good socialisation for kids, it helps teach them how to share, play with others etc. And prepares them for school.

Don't feel guilty

God I need a nap 😔 I've just managed 10 minutes on the floor in the teddies 😂

@FunDragon im not caring for him between those hours tho

@Musomama1 i can't flex the hours too much as DS is in too, and he's 8.45-3.15 so it's sensibly half or whole, but maybe I can get a mix of those

Heck, no, YANBU. Twins and caring for DS? Some time to study is the least you deserve. You can only do everything for so long. Take advantage of what’s offered, in whichever way suits you best. You’re not being selfish or lazy.

I would send them. If you find it is too much you could drop a day at some point. I expect you are right and it will help speech.

I would pay the £120 for the convenience of not having the twins stand around waiting for older sibling, that is for their benefit as much as yours.

I'd do 4 full days and a day off completely so you can collect at the same time as their db without paying extra. Then you can do something nice with just the toddlers when older kids are in school.

Because its school nursery I'm not sure if they'll be flexible like this but I will def ask. I'd have to make sure we don't miss forest school day as it's the best day tho 😂

Re the money, actually when I work out what I spend on play group, treats out etc I'd be better off on £120 a term! Packed lunch only tho, I can't afford school lunches 🙄

If it's possible it would be good to have them home without their older sibling. It might be fun for you too.

They are home without their older sibling. Every day from 9-3