Am I a bad mum?

[newmum795]

My baby is a week old and I'm finding it so much harder than I thought I would. She refuses to fall asleep at night and I spend the whole night rocking her to sleep for the millionth time or trying to figure out what reason she's crying. It got to 6am this morning and she was still awake and wanted feeding (I'm breastfeeding) for about the 7th time. My nipples were sore, I was falling asleep and in that moment I just broke down and handed the baby to my mum (who is currently staying with me as partner had to deal with a family matter yesterday) and said I can't do this anymore. My mum ended up giving her a bottle of formula while I slept. I woke up 2 hours later in floods of tears feeling like I abandoned my baby when she just wanted me to comfort/feed her. I feel so terrible. Am I a bad mum?

You are doing really well and if your mum is there then use her support. This bit is really hard, but you will get through it. If you need to then bottle feed, so many of us have and it is fine. Look after yourself.

You don’t have to be young and inexperienced (aren’t all FTMs inexperienced?) to be knackered after having a baby. How patronising. I was older and had looked after newborns before and when my baby was 7 days old I didn’t cope nearly half as well as the OP is!

Of course you're not a bad mum!

If anything I'd say you're a great mum by giving yourself a rest! Happy baby needs a happy (and well) mum!

Those first few weeks are HARD. My baby is 13 weeks and has been sleeping great (1 feed a night) since about 6 weeks, but before that I remember being up til at least 4am feeding every hour. Breastfed as well.

Your baby is so little, and doesn't know night and day yet. She will be feeding so much to go through a growth spurt. It gets better! Hang in there with the breastfeeding if you want, but also if you need to switch that's perfectly okay, you need to do what's best for you and your baby. And your baby needs a healthy happy you more than they need breast milk.

Don't put it extra pressure on yourself, those early weeks the aim is just to survive, it's a huge adjustment for you and the baby. You're getting to know each other.

You got this mama! Xx

You are absolutely not a bad Mum.

Becoming a Mum is a huge thing to get use to. Your hormones will be all over the place just now as well, and newborns require a lot of attention. It's a lot and I honestly think every new Mum has had at least one moment of 'I can't do this' - I know I did! I had multiple moments of that and was in a complete haze when my first was a newborn. So, your not alone! It's a tough time, but you will get though it.

You've probably been told this, but in case not, Lanolin nipple cream is a life saver. My midwife told me to lather it on after every feed, even if I did think I needed it and it made such a difference.

Again, you are absolutely not a bad Mum! Give yourself time to adapt. You've got this 💐

Grandma to the rescue
Give yourself a break OP. You're doing fine, and the whole newborn experience is always massively surreal at first. It gets better!
Oh, and congrats

You are not a bad mum, you are an exhausted overwhelmed woman who gave birth for the first time a week ago. Contrary to what we are led to believe it doesn't all just come naturally, you can't just power throught like a robot and you need support, so take it gladly. Your feet ideally don't touch the floor for another couple of weeks. Let go of all your expectations and just get through this new baby stage in the most comfortable and restful way you can, and your baby will be absolutely FINE. Rest, as much as you can. Set yourself up on the sofa with snacks and water and a remote and a book and just stay there. All day. Let the help happen and accept all you can get.

Thank you everyone.

You’re a pro-active, conscientious, caring mummy and big congratulations to
you.

You got your mum in to support you - fantastic! Much better than trying to be independent and struggling.

You handed your little girl to her when you needed a break - perfect! Your DD had food, warmth and security, her Grandmother had snuggles and you had the tine-out you needed - absolutely ideal.

You have done exactly the right thing, such a star, be proud of yourself.

It's just one week.... it's a tough tough time, and breastfeeding is hard. I couldn't make it work with DD, I did with DS after 3 weeks of agony and I would stress that with feeding, you must do whatever allows you to be the best mum and that can include bottle feeding if it comes to that, though see no reason it should necessarily, but please know it is fine. I am sick and tired of mums being made to feel they have to grovel to the world if they go to bottle feeding when they wanted to breastfeed; the best feeding is feeding, not punishing yourself because you feel that's what expected of you. Sorry, you probably didn't need that rant.

But it's great your mum is on hand - as others have said, use it. The first 12 weeks are chaos, honestly do whatever it takes to get through them, if it means co-sleeping (safely), handing baby to someone to bottle feed, whatever - you can't 'create bad habits' or 'rods for your own back' with newborns. If they are all over the place, it's because they're a newborn and some find it easier to adjust to life outside the womb than others and it's Not. Your. Fault.

Your baby needs you to be good enough, and unless you don't care about whether you're good enough (and you clearly do) you will be. That is all you need to be.