Tips on getting 5yo to sleep alone?

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To get 5yo DD to go to sleep I get into her bed with her until she nods off. She then sleeps until around midnight and then she wakes up crying & shouting for me. It’s become habit that I end up getting into her bed with her and we both fall asleep until morning. It’s only a single bed though so not comfortable, and obviously just a bad habit that we need to get out of!
This has been going on for around a year, she slept fine on her own before (it all started when we went on holiday and she was scared of sleeping in her room alone so I went in with her, and then it continued once we got home).
If I don’t go in to her when she shouts for me she cries and screams and no one gets any sleep.
Any tips on how to rectify this? Thank you.

Following as I'm in the same shitty boat with my 3 year old. I imagine the key is how they get to sleep in the first place but I find the thought of embarking on a whole screaming match at bedtime for hours to 'reset' him is both upsetting and tiring after a long days work.

@CallmeMrsPricklepants I feel your pain! I agree, it’s probably not a good idea for me to get into bed with DD to get her to sleep in the first place, as I’m sure that sets the precedence for her that I’m going to be in her room when she wakes up (& I’m not). But I’m the same, I can’t face the screaming match either and I’m keen for her to go to sleep and get a good night’s sleep ready for school the next day.
I should have nipped it in the bud ages ago/never started doing this, but hindsight is a wonderful thing! Plus I’m the kind of person who really needs my sleep, so anything for a peaceful night!

Having coslept with all of mine since birth, I haven’t really seen a link between how they get to sleep and what happens in the night - all of mine (ages 3, 6 and 8) like to have me cuddle them to sleep but they also can all get to sleep without it and without any drama. The 6 and 8 year old sleep in their own beds all night (and have had sleepovers etc away from me no problem). The 3yo almost always comes through.

I guess because I chose this path I set things up to be as comfy as possible. DH and I have a super king that can easily accommodate a wandering child or two. The 3yo and 6yo share a double bed (their choice) that can accommodate me or DH at bedtime.

What about putting a mattress on DD’s floor so you can sleep comfortably in her room? Over time you could move the mattress further and further away from her bed.

When I was ‘weaning’ the kids off needing to fall asleep with me, I used audiobooks - we would cuddle and listen to the first 5 minutes together then I would creep out and promise that if they stayed in bed I would come back and give them a kiss every 5 minutes. That worked really well.

What has also worked well is saying something like ‘it’s time for you to go to bed now, but you’ll hear me putting away the laundry/doing the washing up’ etc so although I’ve gone, they can hear me pottering about elsewhere on the house. I remember finding that very comforting as a child.

i would probably do a gradual withdrawal. Start out next to the bed. Next night still in the room but slightly away from the bed. Next night in the doorway, then in the hallway.

she’s old enough for you to tell her what’s going to happen and to explain why it’s happening. Maybe take her on a shopping trip to buy a new cuddly toy to get her on board before you start?

I would then reward each night she manages to sleep without needing you in bed.

Good luck! If it helps, my 7 yr old son falls asleep on his own, but comes into our bed if he wakes up and we’ve still not managed to stop it!

Following with interest as I'm in the same damned boat at the moment with DS who is nearly 6!

Some great advice thank you. She’s always full of promise throughout the day bless her, saying she’ll sleep on her own and doesn’t need mummy in bed with her - but it all goes out of the window in the night! I always praise her and tell her she’s slept all by herself like a big girl up until shouting for me, and she likes that but she just can’t follow it through.
I’ll try and think of a good bribe/incentive and see how that goes. I really want to crack it through the summer holidays whilst we don’t have to worry about school the next day. We’re going on holiday in a few weeks though so I feel any progress we make could be set back if she’s scared to sleep on her own there! 😣

I would put her in bed with you instead. Until they can understand you are in another room and not just gone forever they won't settle alone. If you want her to stop crying for you you have to let her cry until she realises you're not going to come and exhausts herself to sleep. After a few nights she'll give up and just sob quietly until sleep. You just have to be persistent and not give in to the cries.

Mine has been through phases like this. What has worked best for me is being there when he goes to sleep but not snuggled up in bed. So I sit on a chair next to the bed and read on my phone or whatever.

He didn’t like it at first and took ages to fall asleep but eventually was fine with it. I now sit near a cot in the same room with his younger sibling and he goes to sleep fine.

I don’t mind sitting with them for a while as it’s a
chance to relax for 20 mins! They find it reassuring but at the same time aren’t falling asleep with me in bed and getting a shock when they wake up and I’m not there.

You have my sympathy, DS didn't sleep through reliably until 4.5 and has only in the last few weeks started moving towards going to sleep by himself. What solved the night waking for us was a weighted blanket, I think the weight of the blanket replicated the weight of my arm over him, so fooled his half asleep brain into thinking I was still there. We only used it for a few months, but it seemed to reset his waking pattern.

In the last couple of months we have swapped from me reading a story then light off and go to sleep to listening to an audio book in the dark together, and he falls asleep while listening. Once he got use to that change he was OK with listening by himself for a bit while I go do X/Y, and I've started stretching out the time I leave him. He's fallen asleep by the time I go back a few times now, so I'm just gradually trying to make this the norm. (If you try this see if your library offer audio books, we go through a lot)

ogradywellbeing.com/services/child-sleep/

We tried this last night and it worked! DD did really well, she went to sleep on her own without me and she only woke once in the night and then went straight back to bed by herself. First night in a year where I’ve not been in her bed at all!!

That’s horrible and it’s not necessary. A gradual retreat at the child’s pace with her collaboration is much better for everyone.

OP as a pp said you can slowly withdraw in a way that is still a bit comforting to her, so just going in at midnight when she wakes to reassure her and sitting in the doorway until she settles again, then after a few nights tell her you’re just in the next room etc. A star chart might help too if she gets something special after a week of sleeping in her bed alone.