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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do all 4 year olds …

12 replies

Plopplopboogey · 21/07/2022 23:03

… spend quite a lot of time each day moping about, staring into space, sulking, whining or complaining ?

Or is it just mine?

My sweet sunny boy is becoming like this. He is quite hard to be around at the moment because it seems like he’s hardly ever happy. I just want reassurance that it’s normal. I have suffered severe depression since I was about 11 (but I think I’ve hidden it quite well from the kids) and I’m scared he will be the same.

OP posts:
Kite22 · 22/07/2022 00:38

Not in my experience.

Is he at Nursery ? School? Broken up already ? Bored ?

How are his days structured?

yellowtwo · 22/07/2022 00:46

My 5 year old DD is doing this, a friend of hers does the same,and a few other Mums have said the same about their kids too. I think it's a stage.
If your DS watches TV , or tablet, try limit it, it effects some kids more that others.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 22/07/2022 00:52

Whining and complaining - a few short times per day, usually if DD (just turned 5) is hungry or too warm. We try to encourage her to use her “normal voice” though. Seems typical enough among her friends. Her teacher mentioned she can be a bit of a whiner, but not all the time (thank heavens!) and not to a concerning degree… just something to keep discouraging.

The rest of it - moping, staring into space, sulking… my DD hasn’t done much of that at all.

Has anyone flagged any concerns to you? Is there a child psychologist or child mental health nurse you could speak to? Where I live (in Canada) I was able to speak to a mental health nurse just over the phone about my DD’s school anxiety and how to help her / what to watch out for. I found it helpful and comforting. Our school board also has a dedicated child psychologist who runs a Q&A session for parents every few months. If you could find something like that, it could also set your mind at rest.

scrivette · 22/07/2022 00:55

DS1 used to do this, he would get his blanket and sit down and cuddle it and stare into space for a while.

Original poster
Plopplopboogey · 22/07/2022 01:03

We’re also in Canada but in Quebec. I don’t know if it’s because he isn’t completely fluent in French yet (he was born here but we speak English at home). I don’t think it’s something that others would notice, just me.

OP posts:
Happymum12345 · 22/07/2022 01:22

It sounds fairly normal to me. Every child is so different. Are they occupied? Is this just when they need stimulating/entertaining?

Original poster
Plopplopboogey · 22/07/2022 01:36

Sorry I only just saw the other replies. He goes to daycare, they always say he was fine without going into any detail, but he comes home quite subdued, perhaps from not napping.

He is allowed to watch TV for 20 mins a day but doesn’t always want to.

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 22/07/2022 01:55

Plopplopboogey · 22/07/2022 01:36

Sorry I only just saw the other replies. He goes to daycare, they always say he was fine without going into any detail, but he comes home quite subdued, perhaps from not napping.

He is allowed to watch TV for 20 mins a day but doesn’t always want to.

Is the nursery/daycare solely in French? Is it new?

DSS (5) started French school this year and was very moody/mopey for the first six months. I think he found the not understanding all day really hard and just needed to recharge when he wasn't there. It's now been 10 months and he's quite confident and sunny.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/07/2022 01:58

Mine was a cheery sort. Her cousin is a miserable boy. Children are different.

However, if he is only like this after daycare, I'd be a little concerned.

Original poster
Plopplopboogey · 22/07/2022 03:14

He’s been there nearly a year. It’s not just after daycare. He’s happy sometimes but often serious and moody like a teenager.

Is it more common in boys? My daughter is like pure sunshine.

OP posts:
UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 22/07/2022 20:07

Plopplopboogey · 22/07/2022 01:03

We’re also in Canada but in Quebec. I don’t know if it’s because he isn’t completely fluent in French yet (he was born here but we speak English at home). I don’t think it’s something that others would notice, just me.

There’s a great app called Dialogue that is covered by OHIP in Ontario but also I think is covered (partially or in full?) in Quebec. That’s how I was able to access a mental health nurse same day to talk about my concerns about DD’s school anxiety and see “what is normal”. You could give it a try!

You may be on to something with your DS being immersed in a new language, even a year on. We’re the opposite from you - we live in Ontario but speak French at home. My DD goes to a French school. Now that she’s starting activities like soccer and swimming in English, she gets shy/upset/grumpy when she’s having to think so much harder. My DH (who is British) has started speaking English with her at home and she HATES it. On a good day, she’ll reply with one word answers (in French she’s really chatty) but on bad days she’ll full on start ignoring him or even whining and crying. This has been going on for 18 months. She’s in for a nasty shock when we go to see DH’s family in the UK this summer. 😬 I’m hoping she’ll grow out of this as her English skills improve. We’re trying to read more English books at home and let her watch some English TV shows now.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/07/2022 20:10

Plopplopboogey · 22/07/2022 03:14

He’s been there nearly a year. It’s not just after daycare. He’s happy sometimes but often serious and moody like a teenager.

Is it more common in boys? My daughter is like pure sunshine.

I don't think so. I know miserable girls with happy brothers as well.

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