To get pregnant with a new job?

[Anonymous2023]

Hi all,

I'm miserable in my current job, but for personal reasons (that for the sake of maintaining anonymity I can't share), I can't leave it until next year - 2023. I'm stressing though because it's the year I've always thought - and would be well timed if I wasn't leaving my job - that I might try and get pregnant with my husband. I'm at 'an age' now and we're settled and I know there is never a good time in life to try, so just feel that next year is as good as any. I also don't want to leave it too late, as I really want the choice to have two or three children - and even if I don't decide to, I want it to be through choice; not because my choice was taken away from me as I left it too late.

Obviously I know there is an arrogance here that I may just fall pregnant - and actually in reality it might take a year or two anyway - but assuming I do, I feel like I should stay in my job for the maternity leave. I also hear colleagues bitching about people who 'take a role and then immediately leave to have a baby'. I know their comments shouldn't bother me; but they do.

So I'm torn in that either:
I try and get a new job and push back pregnancy until I'm settled and have proven myself in a new company
OR
I stay in my current job and try to fall pregnant and go off with maternity leave, and then just come back after this and try to find a job I enjoy more
OR find a new job and just fall pregnant and deal with the consequences.

The second option makes my soul die a little, as my job is so physically and mentally exhausting and I just don't want to be a mum feeling like this before a baby even comes. However the other two make me worry they're the wrong decisions too.

I hope this is OK to post. I just would like to hear from people about their thoughts on people who get a new job in a new company, and go off shortly after for a baby? AIBU if I do this? What are the rules on this - socially, statutory and legally?

Thank you so much for your help and advice! First time posting so please be kind!

I'm not sure why your post attracted a biscuit from someone else, it's a sensible thing to think through!

Firstly OP, how old are you, this is the big factor in what you decide to do. If time really is of the essence then that should decide things.

However, other things to consider - Also, is industry buoyant, the job market in your area thriving? If you were to start job hunting, would it likely be a long slog to find something suitable or would it potentially happen fast? If you moved role in the next year you would possibly only need to put TTC on hold for 18 months - 2 years or so to secure a post, pass probation (and depending on the company) secure the full maternity package.

FWIW, I was in a stable job I liked, but had been in it for years and topped out progression wise in that organisation - I was ready to move but decided to stay for the security etc but it took 18 months to conceive, so by the time I went on Mat leave over two more years had passed! When I went back, it was part time and turned out to be career suicide and I ended up leaving to be a SAHM with the view to a tot career change. In hindsight, I think I should have taken a risk and gone for new job first, waited a little longer to try and conceive to guarantee I had the career I wanted ready to return to. But of course I may have felt differently if I'd got pregnant very quickly, especially in a new role. I was 30 when I started TTC for info, and nearly 33 when baby arrived.

Some things to consider...if you got pregnant now and stayed at your current company, what does your maternity policy say about how long you need to return to work without having to pay your maternity pay back? If you found a new job whilst you were pregnant/not yet pregnant, how long would you need to have been in the new role before qualifying for maternity leave?
I know someone who found out she was pregnant between accepting a new job and starting it, it was all fine in terms of leave and they were fine with her, however she only had a few months experience before going off on maternity and felt like she was 'starting again' when she came back- also found it more difficult to drop down to less hours for childcare purposes. Another friend left her stressful job where she was also struggling to conceive for a less stressful one and fell pregnant straight away.

I just would like to hear from people about their thoughts on people who get a new job in a new company, and go off shortly after for a baby?

It's happened a few times. My reaction? Mild surprise, some wondering about cover during their leave, mild disappointment that we thought we were fully staffed and now we're not again, concern that they would find it difficult to return... But those are just brief passing thoughts, I can't say I get that excited. It's not my life.

The legal position you can take from a trusted source like Acas and Citizens Advice, not randomers online.

Pp mentioned being in your new post long enough to qualify for their enhanced maternity package - I think that's about 5 years at my current employer! But on a sliding scale. So don't assume other employers will have the same policies as your existing one.

Whatever path you take I do think you could concern how you're framing things. Most of your worries and dad emotions seem to be driven by your negative choice of framing circumstances rather than any objective reality. Ultimately you will make things work for you, however the picture looks - so no point stressing about hypothetical hypotheticals.

however she only had a few months experience before going off on maternity and felt like she was 'starting again' when she came back

Yes this is what I've seen women in that situation struggle with. Not just in terms of practical workplace procedures etc but in terms of not having established a network of relationships to return to - coming back from any long term absence (sickness, maternity, etc) is much easier when you have a pre-existing network/relationships.

Does your current company offer enhanced maternity pay?

Would an option be to start TTC now, so (this is assuming you fall pregnant quickly) you go off on maternity early 2023 and then just not return to your current job? Find a new role at the of your mat leave?

I was in the same position and I’ve taken a new job - just waiting to secure enhanced mat leave and if all goes to plan I’ll have been there 18 months by the time I would go mat leave.

I have no regrets - I was so so stressed and unhappy in my old job i really think it would have made TTC harder.

Im much happier now, and even if new job get annoyed, there’s not much they can do!

Life's too short to stay in a job you hate! Like you said you could get pregnant the first cycle or take 2 years or maybe not at all. There's too many variables with getting pregnant, I'd start looking for a job when you can and try and save while you're at your old job if possible to put you in the best position should you get pregnant quickly.

I wouldn't worry about what people think, we had someone go on maternity leave 4 months after starting, we were shocked but she's been back 3 years now and no one even remembers

I remember accepting my first post and we didn't use any protection around this time, but had no intention of trying for a baby either. Just left it to fate really. I would have been only three months into my post when I found out I was pregnant. I really enjoyed my maternity leave and then handed in my notice when I decided I didn't want to return. You are within your rights to do this.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thank you soo much for all of your comments - I really appreciate you all being so nice! I had no idea what that biscuit comment even was so I didn't take it personally but did google it after it was mentioned and I'm not sure why it was posted either!

I am definitely a massive overthinker and a 'future planner'. I think it's my way of feeling in control with a bit of anxiety added in there.

I currently am a medic in the NHS and just can't do it anymore. But the maternity leave is certainly there. But working shifts, on calls and weekends with stressful and awful scenarios has made me just need to leave. Particularly post COVID. I certainly do feel I have some PTSD from the past few years and am working through that - but it's taking a toll on me now in very subtle ways (i.e. hating my job, dreading it and just feeling like I want to run away - even if the threat isn't there).

I really do appreciate your stories - it's making me feel able to consider it from both sides and just think about options. It's also just so good to hear how other people have either experienced similar situations, or have seen the same in their friends and colleagues. So thank you so much - it's been on my mind a lot recently so I just thought I'd ask this community. I am grateful to you all.

Tbh OP for purely selfish reasons I'd stay in your current job and start trying. What are the maternity conditions like at your current place?

Remember that in taking a new job you won't be able to find out what the maternity set-up looks like until you have already accepted the job because you obviously can't really ask at interview stage - I have had jobs where it's 90% pay for 6 weeks only then statutory, or just only statutory, which I couldn't have managed on. You could be walking into something like that.

In my current role, I needed to work there for a year to qualify for their enhanced maternity package which allows full pay for 18 weeks....you may join a company where a year's service could be a condition for you too. Also if you've been at your current job for more than 2 years you will have greater employment protection.

I am in a similar boat - I am not really satisfied in my job and would love to move on, but I had to consider the pay and leave if we wanted a baby. I am worried that after the baby comes (I am pregnant now) I will be trapped by the hours and flexibility as I wfh 100% of the time, but just going to see how it goes.

If you get a new job in the NHS irrelevant of which trust you work for you would still be entitled to the same maternity package and if you got pregnant now and left on return if your new job was within the NHS you wouldn't have to pay anything back.

Unless I'm over simplifying things- depending on where you are re training exams etc I'd just go for it now and look for another job in the NHS whilst on Mat leave

Ah, cross-posted with you OP. Obviously your job is unique, mine is an office role so not as much to consider for me.

One thing to consider as well is whether you'd be moved into a non-medic role were you to announce a pregnancy? Which could make it easier for you and allow you to keep your pay and leave benefits.

@GlitteryGreen it may not work every time, but for me once I had a job offer I asked for confirmation of the ‘benefits package’ and they sent it all through including the maternity policy.

it might not work everytime but if if it’s halfway decent they usually want to promote it!

This is good!
I always feel that it's so unfair to women that this information isn't provided up front - as you say, as part of the benefits package overview - and I think many would feel more comfortable to move jobs if this information was freely available.

I wish you all the best.

If you are thinking of leaving NHS for private sector (any industry), definitely keep in mind the maternity leave pay tends to be less generous than public sector. As pp have suggested you might have better options to change role but stay in NHS and continuing service rather than resetting to zero etc.

Also, don't forget to make space for some brighter scenarios in your future planning not just the bleak anxious ones. It's easy to overlook the hopeful possibilities when we feel beaten down (I know I do).

Try now.

I’ve made personal sacrifices for senior roles before that I won’t go into here but if I had my time again I would choose VERY differently. Stay in your job, try and if it happens, taken the maternity benefits. It’s not our fault pregnancy is womens work.

Do you know what you want to do instead? Would you benefit from further studying qualifications to get a different job.

what's your current maternity package like?

if it's good, I think I'd just push on through, but start trying to conceive now, especially if there no or a shirt return to work obligation.

or look at a transfer to another job where you get to keep your 'length of service' & resulting benefits.

I do think it's a bit shitty to start a new job when you know you're already pregnant or trying to be, as it's very unsettling for the new company who recruited because the needed a new staff member, not a temp. But you have to do what's best for you, no none else will!!

I'm sorry you feel you need to leave your job, I can't imagine what you've been through, but I wish we (the govt) coukd/would pay you more/give you leave/provide counselling/better hours, whatever it would take to make you want?to stay!

Generally speaking NHS maternity package is really good in comparison to a lot of other employers. I could only dream of the maternity deal my sil got when on maternity leave as a nurse. I would take advantage of that. But it’s you that has to go to work and be unhappy.

Start trying now. Also look at your trusts mental health scheme - lots of trusts have implemented. Might also worth apply for flexible working - reducing hours, taking year off, term time leave etc