I’m afraid…

[Nc830]

“I’m afraid”

AIBU to find this phrase is condescending / rude
a local business used it when someone asked on a Q&A if they do shipping or if it’s just collection only and they said “we are collection only, I’m afraid.” Ok maybe not the best example but still. If your college said it you would you find it patronising?

No. It's jusst when you don't want to apologise for something you actually don't need to apologise, but still want to say something so people don't think you don't give AF

"we don't, I am sorry" too apologetic
"We don't, I am afraid" nicely meh

How is it patronising? Or rude? It’s simply a way of apologising they don’t provide the service you want. What else would you want them to say? I’m sure people would complain about them being too blunt and rude if they didn’t offer an apology.

Er, no. I wouldn't find it remotely patronising. Sounds normal to me.

I can't see how it would be patronising in its own right - may be the preceding sentence could be patronising.

I think @Bubblebubblebah has described its usage perfectly.

Why college specifically? You used a business as an example not a school?

I've used it at work. I use it when something is company policy/we don't stock it/insert out-of-our-control-and-not-our-fault thing here. For example: "I'm afraid we don't sell Stella Artois". I don't have to apologise as it's not the fault of the business but it's added on to sound sympathetic.

To me, saying "I'm sorry" sounds like you've made a mistake, so I wouldn't say it unless that was the case.

That all sounded better in my head but not sure it makes sense now

@POTC I’m afraid I meant to say colleague, not college

Ah, I thought you were going to say it was somehow incorrect so an education establishment should know better 🤣

It’s just a polite way of telling you they can’t do something - I’d rather someone said ‘no we don’t, I’m afraid” than just “no we don’t”.

I honestly can’t think why you’d consider it condescending or rude.

Why do you find it patronising?

I remember one stinging example:
”It’s up to you I’m afraid”
but ‘I’m afraid he’s gone’ and other examples don’t usually heat my blood.

I used this phrase much less often after a customer who did not speak much English thought I was literally afraid of them. Made me think!

It normally just means "I appreciate you're not going to like this answer".