To highlight this family to lifeguard?

[Ihatemyroad]

Currently at a holiday park caravan site in the UK.

Just been in the indoor swimming pool. Family arrive with two children aged around 18 months and 3. Little boy was about 3, mum trying to get him in to the water and he’s crying, clinging to the side and screaming. I thought maybe he was having a tantrum. Little boy continued to cry, looked terrified and was clinging to the side. Over the next 20 minutes I saw mum pull his hands off the side repeatedly whilst he was hysterical, splash water in his face as he cried, shout up close in his face, drag him in his rubber ring further in to the pool whilst he screamed, shook and was hysterical, tell him he’s ruined their fucking swim. They were already in the main pool even though there was a lovely little paddling pool for toddlers next to it. Everyone was watching and no one said anything.

I got out and spoke to the lifeguard who said he couldn’t get involved because he was in a rubber ring and they weren’t leaving him on his own so it’s just questionable parenting. I asked for the Manager and asked him to keep an eye on them because it was child cruelty and really horrible to watch.

i was tempted to speak to the couple and tell them the little boy would be better off in the paddling pool but I think I would’ve got told where to go.

Would you have done the same?

It must have been uncomfortable to watch but the lifeguard isn’t there to offer parenting coaching.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. It's terrible parenting though.

I wouldn't expect a lifeguard (probably young) to get involved in telling them off for shit parenting. you know they'd have a go at him, call to speak to his manager and then email the holiday company if he interfered outside of his job description. It would be risking his job.

But I would have said something. I have before. I really don't care if some stranger hates me at the end of the day. They're not someone I know or care about and if they're that shit with their kids then I don't exactly need their good opinion. I would have said something about how upset he was and pointed out the children's pool. Or offered to have him in the children's pool with my kids.

I'd have splashed the parent full in the face

Maybe she just wanted him to enjoy it and learn to swim. Perhaps she was at the end of her tether as kid had been having meltdowns all day and wanted to make an effort to conquer his fear of water or something....? Idk.... you don't the full story and lifeguard is there to ensure safety not to police shouty parents.

It's not the lifeguards job. I don't really see why you were looking for other adults to say something while you were scared to say something yourself. I'm assuming that you're an adult yourself? Why did you feel the need to find another adult?

YABU - if you were unwilling to confront them, you have no right to expect others to do it on your behalf. The lifeguard is there to stop people drowning, if the parents are being as attentive to their child as you describe then it's beyond their remit.

weatebob I wish I’d said something to the parents. I’m annoyed I didn’t. I also keep thinking if that’s their parenting skills in public how is that little boy treated at home.

YANBU to flag it to the lifeguard and the manager in case the behaviour escalates or becomes more unsafe, it puts them on the resort's radar. I don't think you saying anything to the parents will help at all.

I'm surprised they tolerated a parent forcing a child into the water but if that's their policy you won't change it.

It's so difficult isn't it.
Not the lifeguards job or the resorts but it's so hard to stand by and do nothing.

I hate stuff like this. I don't know if I could help myself say something when she swore at him tbh.
I'm always worried they take it out on the kids afterwards if they have been shamed in public

I'm fairly sure a lifeguard didn't need you to point out a child who had been screaming hysterically for 20 minutes. They'd probably already noticed.

Also unfair to expect a lifeguard or manager to do something when you did fuck all yourself

I didn’t do fuck all thank you araiwa I tried to do what I thought was best. I’m pretty sick I would’ve been told to fuck off by this mum! I was hoping the lifeguard/manager might have been able to say they had to take the child in to the padding pool!

Yeah I’m not sure what you expected the lifeguard to do. People act like staff have authority… they don’t these days.

misssunshine It really was difficult. I didn’t get the impression the parents would welcome my parenting advice. I really hoped the lifeguard would be able to tell them the little boy was so distressed it was ‘safer’ to take him in to the paddling pool.

I didn’t realise lifeguards don’t have the authority to ask parents to leave the pool.

Poor kid.
But the lifeguards job is to help people in difficulties and not get involved with situations like this because while he's having the almost inevitable argument with the shit mother he's not doing his actual job and putting others at risk.

What so it's the 3 year lid's fault that the mother can't parent? Right ...

So abusive behaviour is ok if you’re tired or fed up? And you’d be fine with someone shouting and swearing and throwing water on you as long as they ‘wanted you to have a good time’?

I'd be surprised if the lifeguard couldn't escalate it to management and get the family from hell banned from the pool for the week.

Yerroblemom1923 - obviously shouting and splashing people is the best way to encourage and motivate them. I'll have to try it in future, thanks.

It's abusive and many will excuse it. There isn't much you can do though. The lifeguard could ask her to stop swearing, or ask if there is a problem but even that would be difficult. Crap parenting - imagine what occurs when home in private with this family! Poor child.

Mum swearing at kid in pool, AIBU to report this family post. Sounds like my DN lol! no that would shock and upset me, despite the very wrong move I made with DH.