To ask if secondary school children mostly make friends with other kids with same academic ability

[julianbarratt]

do secondary school children typically form friendship groups with kids in similar sets, or with similar academic ability?

Yes and no.

So yes they form friendships with similar academic abilities and in the same sets, they spend a fair bit of time together so not surprising,

But no, it isn’t exclusive, they usually have friends from other shared interests - sport, drama, guides, art, tutor group etc…which has a wider range of characteristics.

(both from parent and teacher point of view)

I think yes and no too.
Being in the same classes is a good way to get to know someone but not all classes have sets and there's sometimes other reasons like you're in the same group of kids that walk to and from school the same way that helps friendships.

Broadly speaking, I think they do.

In a mixed ability school, lots will have friends across the ability range, but often their good friends or those that endure are from a similar ability. It’s not so much due to setting and spending more time with those kids, because most secondaries do little setting these days and especially lower down the school.

If the question is about whether bright children can become distracted by the more disruptive….I think they certainly can. And the disruptive can be amongst all abilities. Prevailing culture is important too. In some schools it’s cool to be clever and in others it’s definitely not. One thing I’ve noticed is that if you get a critical mass of clever and focused kids, they feed off each other and sour each other on and motivate each other. This can happen through more setting higher up the school or just through friendship groups.

sort of
My observation is that its not always about ability but attitude.
DD is very academic but her friends that aren't as academic are not the kids who mess around and disrupt classes.
There is also the issues of sets, they are more likely to hang around with kids in their own classes

Not really. Or, at least, only because they end up being in the sane sets as them, rather than because they are naturally drawn to their intellectual equals. I think having a similar social background can also be a factor.

Yes, mostly, in my experience. Three kids in secondary school, I'd say 90% of the friends they've made are in their sets. Their school sets everyone for everything from Y7 though (so you spend all your time from Y7-Y9 in lessons with the same group of people of similar ability), I'd guess it may be different if you have some mixed ability classes.

Depends on the kids. I really didn't as a kid. Teen mostly but not exclusively. Depends on the school subject and how they are set.

I think it varies. DS1 has struggled to make lasting friends at all. A lot of his friends are from other schools actually. DS2 however is very bright and in top 5 for most subjects. He has a tight knit group of 3 other friends who are also at top end of class. They have similar attitudes and interests which I think is why. Also whilst they are from a mix of backgrounds none of them are from a typical white British background which I think gives them a little more in common.

Same academic ability, same interests. DS is now a parent but has the same tight group of friends he made at secondary school. I once asked him how they all found each other. Simple - they wanted to work hard, played sport and music and they didn’t want to take drugs.

I think it depends. DS has friends at secondary that he's known since reception who are a range of academic abilities. Newer friends are potentially more from the same sets, but not all of them, because he's made friends with some of his old friend's new friends who are in different sets (if that makes sense). But his school is pretty small and also fairly friendly so there aren't that many tribes (obviously some!).

It’s not so different from any friendship group really. When you’re a new parent, many of your friends are people at the same stage. Same with primary school or work friends. It’s a question of gravitating towards people with similar interests and attitudes.

They mainly end up with kids in the same sets. DS was good friends at primary school with a lad who was in bottom sets for everything at secondary. They were in the same football team for 10 years. The lad ended up in a trade and has been working since leaving at 16 with no qualifications. At 21 he is still a lovely lad. DS best mates are the ones he met at air cadets. They chose that hobby. My fave was hearing them say how great all the girl cadets were as they liked planes. They were and still are his tribe.