Who's unreasonable?

[ItsABitMeh]

If you signed your children up to hobbies they wanted and asked to attend but some of it fell on their dads time would you expect him to take them?

Their dad constantly kicks up a fuss about this and says it messes with their time together and they shouldn't have been signed up without his agreement if he's expected to take them.

They want to go and it's not far from his home. I end up having to come and get them from his, take them and then drop them back off otherwise they end up not going.

YANBU - he should take them because they want to go and they are his kids.

YABU - he doesn't need to do anything on his time and they should only ever do hobbies you can facilitate on your time?

We have 50:50 btw so it's difficult to only ever do anything when they are here.

If you have them 50:50 why on earth does he think they should only go in your time?

they shouldn't have been signed up without his agreement if he's expected to take them.

Well I agree with this much, if you co parent then you'd need to chat to him about any clubs or classes you sign them up for. That's reasonable.

At the end of the day the children's needs come first but I'm on the fence about this really.

Is it a case of the odd hour here and there that he can easily do? Or are you filling up dc's time with loads of classes and clubs that make life very stressful to deliver them to?

Your op is clearly worded so that everybody will agree that he is unreasonable but I co parent and my dc's (non working) dad has a habit of signing him up for stuff that constantly has me running around stressed, cancelling plans or asking to leave work early on my days. So it can be frustrating and difficult when somebody organises your own time for you without talking through what's reasonable. Communication is key here.

How much time does it take? Decisions that affect both of you need to be agreed by both of you. I wouldn't be happy if my ex decided to sign ds up for something then told me I had to take him. I'd expect to be involved in the discussion.

You should have discussed it

Then you are both on board as it affects both your times . However if dad wants to say no it's up to him to explain why they cannot do it- and usually any parent would try to make something work at this point!

However the bottom line is that DCs want to do it and if they can, then both parents ought support this

Dad should be taking them in his time. Not you running around. Don't let this be a precedent. Stop and all sit down together to work this out.

You might find DCs decide not to go to dads 50:50 anymore if he's going to put his needs above theirs and never let them join any clubs as he won't facilitate this on his contact time at all. My DCs kicked up such a fuss, about their dad on EOW not bothering to take them to clubs (that he agreed to but didn't pay for!)

Even at 8 yo my DS told his dad he wasn't going to his anymore if he didn't take him to football club training on sat morning and the occasional match on Sunday as the coach said he would be benched if he kept not turning up.