To feel like I should just quit my job

[majormumma]

Went back to work when DC 2 was 10 months. 3 days per week in an office job. DC and I have had every illness under the sun and time off from work. Starting to resent the guilt that I feel constantly taking sick days to look after DC.
enjoy my job and money is ok, I take home enough to buy the kids clothes/ take them out and some money for socialising myself. DH said I should leave so I can be around for DC more. DC who I’ve recently left to return to work screams every time they’re left with childminder which breaks my heart although is fine once in. I have so much drive to continue working but I just feel like I’m falling out of love with the corporate world I’m in. I don’t have anything lined up. Has anyone quit and started up their own business from home and made it work with two DC? Or have you regretted leaving? What are you doing now? A family member is a VA and seems to be doing great but said it’s pretty swamped since covid.

My husband quit his job as an accountant to look after our son and start his own business.

He earns what he did in a month, in a week now.

It hasn't been easy, and we are 6 years down the line, but it was the best thing he's ever done.

Dont quit. You will just end up bored lonely and trust me slowly but surely everything will become your job.

Why can't he pick up if he's home by four?

Why isn't he sharing sick days?

He thinks he's supporting little wifey in earning some pocket money. He doesn't take your job seriously. He wants the benefits it provides until its an inconvenience to him.

He made the baby too. He needs to help out. You've made enough sacrifices Already

I felt like you do about 6 months ago. Endless childcare issues, children ill, stressful workload. It seemed never ending and on some days the idea of being fired seemed really appealing. We did get through it and are in a pretty good routine now.

I agree with PP that your DH needs make sure you can retain and increase your ability to earn an income and have a career (if that's what you want). If you were self employed, wouldn't you build in some flexibility even if you were the higher earner? I'd bet a lot of money you would.

None of what you are saying make sense. This will pass. How will quiting help. Why do you feel the guilt? If your company hasn't said anything, do you in actually like your job? Move jobs if you don't. It would be very silly to give up a good job to try and do something at home if you haven't started it already and it's running we really well/already making money and that's the only time you would then give up a job with income. As others have said you you would still need childcare then anyway so that doesn't address your core issues. nothing you've said addresses your Core issues and that's what I don't understand.

He should do pickups. For sure.

To be fair in his defence if he’s home at 4 he does usually do pick ups.
I guess quitting feels like it would help right now because I feel really guilty that I’ve had about 5 sick days in 3 months and when you’re part time even just one sick day in a week has a huge impact. I don’t have a job share so if I don’t work my to do list piles up and I’m constantly texting my boss with one thing after the other. DH has taken sick days but his argument continues to be that he doesn’t get paid. Which if he’s that worried about money begs the question why he’s asked me to quit my job but hey

A part time job with a supportive boss in an area of work you enjoy is a huge amount to step away from with no guarantee you could re-negotiate that package if you left. This stage is really hard, but it really does pass, they do build immunity and the gaps between illnesses get bigger.
it sounds like your husband is fairly rigid in what he is prepared to do so I would focus on getting childcare set up so it works for you, and get him to book leave to cover any weeks that are especially demanding workwise for you where you really need to be there. Irritating he’s not prepared to share/put himself out more, but don’t let that stop you focusing on your own career/financial stability.

and I think my husband does genuinely believe that my work isn’t anywhere near as important as his

This is highly relevant and more reason to stay working. Remember you are also paying into a pension and this is vital, especially if he is self employed.

I would add it up for him: what say 5 days of lost pay Vs your entire salary stacks up to.

Your DH isn’t being supportive enough. He just wants the family set-up to work for him. It doesn’t sound like much of a partnership.

@TwilightSkies i think you’ve probably said what I’ve been thinking for a long time, it doesn’t feel like I’m in a partnership at all.

DH knows I’m stressed with juggling everything and his suggestion was to quit, just that. He said I should get an evening job to fit around family life and if I earned more he’d do that. Think he forgets I put my career on hold having children

Of course he suggested that! It means he wouldn't have to step up and actually be a parent.

With a husband like the one you describe, there is absolutely no way that I would be giving up my financial independence, frankly. On the contrary, I'd be increasing my hours as it's clear that he doesn't respect you or see you as an equal.

Maybe you wouldn't be so stressed if he helped with the juggling 🤷🏼‍♀️

Your job sounds great. Your husband does not.
Sorry if that’s brutal.
I totally 100% get it. When the man of the family has a hero complex with work, it’s so bloody difficult to stand your ground and refuse to be the default parent, housekeeper and family personal assistant. It feels easier to give in.

DO NOT DO IT!
Young kids get ill and parents of young kids need time off. It’s a fact and I can promise you that it will get better very soon. It’s just a really hard phase, but a phase nonetheless.
From today, you need to take equal sick days. You have 2 days a week when you do not work, so those don’t count in the shared sick days. For the 3 days you work, you have to keep track on your calendar and make absolutely sure that it’s a fair split between the two of you.
His argument is that he don’t get paid. Your argument is that you have a long term relationship with an excellent employer and that cannot be jeopardised without risking the loss of your income. Equally important.

Completely agree.

He doesn't even seem to have much respect for you - telling you to jack your job in so you can focus on servicing him and making his life easier. That's upsetting to read. If anyone should feel guilty here, it's only him.

Your guilt is misplaced and partnership issues aside, I think you would feel a lot better if you could learn to reframe things at work to focus on the positives instead of beating yourself up for things that not even your employer thinks is necessary to beat you up over!

The way we think affects the way we feel and behave which then feeds the feelings.

You've created a "guilt" narrative which then makes you feel ashamed and overwhelmed which makes you want to resign - which would then reinforce those beliefs and make your life harder.

Yes, it's not ideal to have had a run of sick days, but you have a supportive employer that's caring about you and happy with you. Which is brilliant and something to take comfort from, not resign over.

If he's back by 4 could you do longer days when DC isn't ill to make up for missing days to look after him? Can you WFH in the evenings? The constant bugs will abate, the first year at nursery is always horrendous.