To think my life is a mess?

[Leyla89]

I don't know what to do anymore and I'm so confused.

I'm 32. I've been with my DH since I was 17 (briefly split a few years in for a few months).

I just feel like the spark has gone and I want something different, new, and exciting. Does that make me a bad person? I do love him and the last thing I want to do is hurt him (which this would) but I just feel like I've lost myself. We feel like friends or flatmates.

I wfh (self employed) and have hardly any friends. I had 2 miscarriages within the last year. I don't have any hobbies anymore and I'm drinking way too much alcohol (almost every day...)

I want to change my life but I just feel like I've lost all my confidence and have no idea where to start. I have no one I can confide in.

If your friend was in this situation what advice would you give?

I'd advise my friend to talk to their husband first - cards on the table. See what they think about the current situation and what you can both do to get out of the rut.

I’ve been with my DH since I was 20, for over 20 years. My advice is to not take out on the relationship what needs fixing elsewhere. Of course the relationship may not be right for you but I would look at the lack of hobbies, making friends etc first. If you work on these and he is unsupportive or it it still doesn’t feel right then you will know for sure that you need to move on.

And I’m sorry about the miscarriages 💐

If you were my friend the first thing I’d say is quit the booze because it’s not helping and is definitely hurting. Then look into therapy about your miscarriages - they take so much out of you and you’re grieving. And talk to your husband. Talk, talk, talk. You’ve both been through a lot and owe it to each other to be open, honest, and compassionate.

Number 1- stop drinking. Alcohol is a depressant and won't help. Try and do some form of exercise. Just getting out for a walk will help you think about things better. Talk to your DH and tell him how you feel.