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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Question about funeral timings

45 replies

Amibeingplayed · 20/07/2022 21:38

If someone died on Monday, is there any chance their funeral could be taking place this Friday? This seems extraordinarily quick? I’m not sure if I’m missing some information so would appreciate any insight from the MN hive mind……

OP posts:
evilharpy · 20/07/2022 21:39

Are they in Ireland by any chance? That would be very normal in NI.

Original poster
Amibeingplayed · 20/07/2022 21:39

No, in England

OP posts:
piglet81 · 20/07/2022 21:40

Some religions have funerals very soon after a death - within a day or two.

HTH1 · 20/07/2022 21:41

I think it would normally be more like 2 weeks.

PurBal · 20/07/2022 21:43

Unusual but not impossible. It usually takes longer to sort logistics though.

Original poster
Amibeingplayed · 20/07/2022 21:43

@HTH1 thats what I thought.

Funeral Christian / civil so not aware of any religious reason it will be rushed through

Just feel as if I’m not in possession of the full facts

OP posts:
Moon22 · 20/07/2022 21:48

Definitely possible. What has you questioning it? Funerals are generally public information so I'm sure you could find out?
It does depend on area/religion etc, but very plausible.- especially if they had a plot to be buried in beforehand- then you just need the death cert and someone to do the funeral.
Some religions even do it the very same day!

Technosaurus · 20/07/2022 21:49

I'm in the funeral industry - as Purbal says, unlikely but not impossible.

Depends on various factors: no coroner involvement; funeral director workload; and mainly availability at the crematorium - some are busier than others due to location - one near me is fully booked up for 5 weeks, another one you could get a slot tomorrow probably.

Also looking at an extreme level of logistical coordination for things like the celebrant, flowers, guests, wake etc. But it is theoretically possible.

I'd also advise that Friday funerals are usually quite "in demand" and a lot of crematoriums run shorter days on Fridays so they can get all the bodies cremated before they go home for the weekend.

picklemewalnuts · 20/07/2022 21:51

The delay is often the crematorium. If the family have a personal connection with a churchyard and minister, it can be done very quickly.

Especially when it's not unexpected- arrangements can be made ahead of time, and swung into action when needed.

Apart from the crem, it's all the decisions that tend to slow things down.

FarmerRefuted · 20/07/2022 21:51

Depends whether you get lucky in terms of available slots and how soon the body is released to the undertaker. Family member died last year on a Wednesday and funeral was the following Tuesday, they died in hospital and it was an expected death so that sped the paperwork process up a bit.

AmbushedByCake1 · 20/07/2022 21:52

Seems enormously unlikely. I'm in England and last two non denominational funerals I've been to have been a month later.

Technosaurus · 20/07/2022 21:52

Should add that I was once relatively recently (last 6 months) personally involved in turning one around in 4 days.

Gentleman died on the Sunday, funeral was arranged for the Wednesday because one of his daughters lived abroad, had flown back to be with him for his final few weeks and had the flight booked home for Thursday.

The family had to take whatever slot they could get in whichever crematorium could squeeze them in, and didn't bother with things like flowers. But it can be done.

OldFashionedWoman · 20/07/2022 21:56

Curious as to why you feel concerned about this timing?

Is it an employee of yours?

Nat6999 · 20/07/2022 21:58

No chance, you will be lucky for it to be less than 3 weeks after the death.

SpringIntoChaos · 20/07/2022 21:58

My dad died late on a Sunday evening...his funeral was on Friday morning later that week. This was a little rushed, I know, but the reason was that I'd come over from another country and had to travel back on the Saturday after he died (military...had no option). So yes, there are reasons why it might need to happen quickly.

picklemewalnuts · 20/07/2022 22:00

Also, could be direct cremation, so the body might not be at the funeral and the crem slot doesn't matter.

If you explain more, OP, people can give better explanations.

Technosaurus · 20/07/2022 22:06

@picklemewalnuts Even with a direct cremation, the crem slot does matter. Most places only offer 2 unattended slots per day.

Despite the fact there's no bells and whistles for the funeral itself, the bodies will still take 90 mins to burn just like everyone else so take up the same amount of "capacity" in the furnace...

If anything you'd likely wait longer for a direct cremation as their availability is more limited, although it doesn't really matter because there's nothing else to coordinate.

Technosaurus · 20/07/2022 22:09

OP, as others have said, with a bit more info we'd be happy to assist?

Is it a cremation, burial, memorial service in a pub etc?

nokitchen · 20/07/2022 22:10

We have sorted two direct cremations in the past two years. One was 3 weeks, one was six weeks.

FluffyFluffyClouds · 20/07/2022 22:11

Funeral, or "direct cremation/burial"? The latter can be arranged quite quickly, but even so, I thought I was doing well to arrange Mum's burial for 6 days after she died.

I know certain religions / cultures normally hold funerals quickly but I think they have some sort of special channels to arrange them.

Was the deceased's death expected? I suppose the arrangements could have started when it was clear there was no more hope; I know that's not terribly common, but it happens (I was getting preliminary quotes from undertakers before Mum died and she passed away earlier than expected).

Dad's funeral was just over a week from when he died unexpectedly - but that was when Boris and co were partying in peak lockdown, so it was very minimalist.

Normally these days funerals seem to be maybe 10 days or 2 weeks or more after the death - not sure why TBH.

I did know someone whose estranged brother contacted the undertaker and changed the date of their Dad's funeral (luckily this was discovered quickly and the date changed back). So if you think someone is playing silly buggers, you're not the first to have suffered...

duggeeallday · 20/07/2022 22:13

Seems unlikely in England to be honest. Bit outing but my grandad died 3 weeks ago and his funeral isn't till next Tuesday but i know we've had a bit of a delay there because we are having a church service and a cremation service in a seperate location so dates had to match, funeral directors did tell us 3 weeks is about average at the moment though.

LIZS · 20/07/2022 22:13

3-4 weeks seems normal atm. If death was unexpected it might be delayed by coroner.

Ontomatopea · 20/07/2022 22:16

Which element of it do you think might not be true, the death or the funeral?

CoolAir · 20/07/2022 22:20

I think that's an unlikely timescale OP. In England a week would even be considered pretty short
Unless it's for specific religious or cultural reasons, but I think that's usually funeral within 48 hours so that wouldn't be right here either

BerylBird · 20/07/2022 22:24

Most Christian or humanist funerals I've been to recently (a few, unfortunately) have been at least 4 weeks after the death. Bit grisly when you think about it. But Muslim & Jewish funerals tend to take place much more quickly, a matter of days.