to wonder why I have never been asked on a date?

NameChanger567 · 2022-07-20T19:37:45+00:00

Just that really. I have NC as this is kind of embarrassing. I have never once been asked on a date by a guy in real life. I don't really understand why. Does anyone know someone else who has never been asked on a date or who could have an explanation for it?

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/07/2022 20:44

How old are you?Do you socialise and meet single men, is there ample opportunity. Are you shy or anxious at social interaction
Most date requests are usually work, studying, friendship groups or out socialising

when did you last encounter single men?how was it?

WaahWaahWaah · 20/07/2022 20:45

How many people have you asked out on a date?

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/07/2022 20:48

Asking people out on dates strikes me as a bit American filmy. Mostly British people engineer opportunities to get a bit tipsy and snog. Or online dating.

That's been my MO.

WTF475878237NC · 20/07/2022 20:51

Mostly British people engineer opportunities to get a bit tipsy and snog.

^ More Bridget Jones or Notting Hill than an American comedy then 😀

I think this signifies you don't put yourself out there enough to have conversations that could lead to being asked out. But you can do the asking too!

Original poster

NameChanger567 · 20/07/2022 20:58

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/07/2022 20:44

How old are you?Do you socialise and meet single men, is there ample opportunity. Are you shy or anxious at social interaction
Most date requests are usually work, studying, friendship groups or out socialising

when did you last encounter single men?how was it?

I am 25. I often socialise with single men. I am very quiet, and I sometimes don't know what to say to people. Sometimes I can be anxious about social interaction.

OP posts:

Original poster

NameChanger567 · 20/07/2022 21:00

WaahWaahWaah · 20/07/2022 20:45

How many people have you asked out on a date?

I have never asked a guy out in real life. I think if a man is interested enough, he will ask me out.

OP posts:

CandyLeBonBon · 20/07/2022 21:01

I have never asked a guy out in real life. I think if a man is interested enough, he will ask me out.

Then perhaps you should expand your horizons @NameChanger567? Who knows where it might lead!

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/07/2022 21:01

Thanks for answering, ok so on balance would or be better to meet through mutual friends or a shared interest so that will mean some common topics to discuss. You’re not the only shy girl and you’ll not be the last, people can and do meet partners but I acknowledge social awkwardness will make it feel more ouch and difficult

FreudayNight · 20/07/2022 21:03

But if you don’t give him the opportunity to find out if he is interested that’s going to be difficult.

very quiet = very closed and guarded = unlikely to be giving off positive signals.

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/07/2022 21:03

Look there are ways to ask a man out, doesn’t have to be blunt yiu want to go out?
it can be more subtle..there’s a good exhibition on/that new movie looks ok/ Have hears the xyz is a good venue for food…would you like to go

dun1urkin · 20/07/2022 21:07

I’m a bit confused about your two references to ‘in real life’. Does that mean you are connecting with men online but it’s not translating into face to face interactions?

Goodnewsday · 20/07/2022 21:07

I don’t think guys offer dates very often and in my experience it was always my suggestion. Usually they’ve tried to say I was just to come to theirs instead 🙄
until 5 years ago I’d never had a boyfriend. I’m not the most forward person so although I’d had things with people in the past it had never come to anything because I always just sort of let it pass by and never took the reins and made it go anywhere. I’m now getting married this month, to my first and only ever boyfriend!

If you start speaking to someone you like just try to take charge, I think so many guys like that without even realising.

Kite22 · 20/07/2022 21:07

I am very quiet, and I sometimes don't know what to say to people. Sometimes I can be anxious about social interaction.

Well, that is not going to make you seem appealing particularly, to lots of people.
Have you ever asked anyone out ?
If you are 'often socialising with single men' , then what are you doing...as in, what form does this socialising take ? Are these people you know (your colleagues or people from a hobby or sport?).
Perhaps work on thinking about how you can be more chatty. As chatty comes across as friendly. Not saying anything can often come across as miserable.

onelittlefrog · 20/07/2022 21:10

NameChanger567 · 20/07/2022 21:00

I have never asked a guy out in real life. I think if a man is interested enough, he will ask me out.

Show quote history

Maybe he’s thinking if you’re interested enough you’ll ask him out?
It’s not the 1950’s - you are also allowed to make the first move.

Original poster

NameChanger567 · 20/07/2022 21:12

dun1urkin · 20/07/2022 21:07

I’m a bit confused about your two references to ‘in real life’. Does that mean you are connecting with men online but it’s not translating into face to face interactions?

I tried online dating for a few months, but I tried to initiate all of the dates. I found it easier to do that online than in real life. Usually the men I asked on dates online have been wishy washy about meeting, cancelled on the day of the date, or kept saying they wanted to meet for a date but were really busy and the actual date never happened

OP posts:

Original poster

NameChanger567 · 20/07/2022 21:17

Goodnewsday · 20/07/2022 21:07

I don’t think guys offer dates very often and in my experience it was always my suggestion. Usually they’ve tried to say I was just to come to theirs instead 🙄
until 5 years ago I’d never had a boyfriend. I’m not the most forward person so although I’d had things with people in the past it had never come to anything because I always just sort of let it pass by and never took the reins and made it go anywhere. I’m now getting married this month, to my first and only ever boyfriend!

If you start speaking to someone you like just try to take charge, I think so many guys like that without even realising.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I never realised that guys don't offer dates often. I thought that guys asked women out all the time

OP posts:

Original poster

NameChanger567 · 20/07/2022 21:29

Kite22 · 20/07/2022 21:07

I am very quiet, and I sometimes don't know what to say to people. Sometimes I can be anxious about social interaction.

Well, that is not going to make you seem appealing particularly, to lots of people.
Have you ever asked anyone out ?
If you are 'often socialising with single men' , then what are you doing...as in, what form does this socialising take ? Are these people you know (your colleagues or people from a hobby or sport?).
Perhaps work on thinking about how you can be more chatty. As chatty comes across as friendly. Not saying anything can often come across as miserable.

@Kite22 I am studying and they are people I meet at university. I have tried to chat to people but I don't always find it easy

OP posts:

drlel · 20/07/2022 21:35

I never realised that guys don't offer dates often. I thought that guys asked women out all the time

I'm 40(ish) and divorced. Before I met my exH (about 15 years ago) I think it was more common for men to ask women out in real life. Back then I used to get asked on dates by people I met in pubs, at work, at hobbies etc.

Now with old and social media my experience is it is very rare for a man to ask a woman out irl. I did consider if that could be age related but after I split from exH I used old on & off for 5 years and got plenty of attention/offers online and irl. I think old fashioned romance is dying out!!

drlel · 20/07/2022 21:37

Also, when men do ask women out irl it's usually after a bit of encouragement or flirting. They don't like risking a knock back in case it dents their egos....think they need to know they have a decent chance before putting themselves out there.

Maybe if you're quiet and find it a bit awkward, they're not getting interested vibes?

dun1urkin · 20/07/2022 21:40

’I thought that guys asked women out all the time’

I'm not sure this is the case. I remember when I was a teenager , being excited about ‘starting dating’ and ‘being asked on dates’.

The reality was that this simply never happened to me, nor to any of my friends that I am aware of. From what I recall, it was a concept I picked up from tv, and Sweet Valley High books (anyone else remember those? What utter shite)

However, I have had relationships, and am
married. Somehow managed them all without ever being asked out. It’s something I often see on threads like this, but maybe concentrate on having a good time, studying, hobbies/interests/sports whatever and it might help you feel a bit more confident??

dun1urkin · 20/07/2022 21:43

Ha! Cross posted with drlel

Me and my mates never got asked out because all the blokes were busy asking her out instead 😁

drlel · 20/07/2022 21:49

@dun1urkin ha, our experiences are probably quite similar now that you've explained it better than me. Back in the day me & my friends always just ended up "seeing someone" but I don't actually remember specifically being asked out on a date. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure how it happened.

In comparison, I've not dated anyone in my 30s that I didn't meet online. It's like nobody has shown any interest IRL whereas in the past they must have (however it actually came about).

I've actually been out socialising and noticed groups of men and women sitting separately swiping through apps looking to meet someone. The irony 😂

bloodyunicorns · 20/07/2022 22:10

If you're at uni, how about joining a club? Sports club, language, whatever you like the sound of? A way to expand your social horizons and look good on your cv!

How are you with women? Do you have a network of friends? Can any of them introduce you to a man they think you'd like?

Being quiet is not necessarily a bad thing btw. I'd much rather that than someone who doesn't stop talking.

Expectingfirstbaby · 20/07/2022 22:30

I think most people online date so maybe the dynamic of irl dating has changed. I was really shy but after a few years online dating I just sort of figured out how to talk to brand new people and wasn't daunted by it all. Keep online dating, and meanwhile just have fun irl. Don't put any pressure on to find someone or get someone to ask you out. It'll happen.