To worry that my cousin is harming her DS?

[okonthebox]

My cousin's son is friendly with my son and they are a similar age, both late teens/early 20's. Cousin's son told my DS that he is not allowed a Netflix account, he doesn't work and is at uni but apparently his parents will not allow him to have Netflix account as they see the moony he has as their own due to him living free of charge at home.

Also he has told my son that his parents have before got angry that he ordered a just eat takeaway without telling them, they say he is wasting money that could have gone to better use.

AIBU to worry for my cousin's son as I can't imagine living in that household would be much fun or a happy experience from the look of it?

Harming?

It kind of depends on the context, maybe with the Netflix thing they are making a point that if he wants luxuries like that he needs to get a part time job as many students do? It does sound like they are being strict but I wonder if it's a reaction to him being irresponsible with money in the past?

He's old enough to be at uni. If they're bankrolling him it's not unreasonable for them to specify that the money can only be used for essentials, although I do agree the level of surveillance seems extreme. Equally, if he wants Netflix and takeaways all he has to do is get a job and open up a new back account so they can't monitor his spending with his wages

Maybe they are tight, maybe they are watching every penny. If he wants takeaways and Netflix he can get a job and pay himself.

I'm not sure no netflix would meet the threshold for neglect!!!

Harming in what way?

He's not forced to live there, he's a grown adult. And it is their money.

If he doesnt like the rules or their restrictions or their instructions under their roof (whether we think they're reasonable or not) he can make a choice to stay or go.

He's hardly being harmed. He might not like it but he isnt being kept prisoner there or beaten.

Cousin's son is also autistic

The reason he has not got a job is because he has quite severe social anxiety, replying to an email from a university lecturer requires him to unwind for the rest of the day to avoid getting overstimulated.

But he still doesnt need netflix. There are lots of free to view channels

Does he attend a uni while living at home? If he has his own bank account they cannot control his spending. Are you sure you have the story straight, not just an interpretation of? How do you thinking it is harming him?

Admit it Op, you just don't like your cousin!

Ok, well he's going to need to either work to overcome that as best he can to enable him to work for money or accept the limitations which come with using someone elses money.
Many people with autism need support with their MH as well, its a common comorbidity with anxiety, is he on medication?

This sounds off. Does he get student finance? He should have some degree of financial autonomy at 20, even if he pays a hefty amount over in board and lodgings because that is what is required to run the household.

So he’s a grown man with no job, still living at home, and presumably being bank rolled through uni by his parents? Of course it’s not abusive! I’d have loved my parents to be able to do that for me, and I’ve been taking on extra night shifts for the last 3 years so I can do this for mine. They clearly pay every penny of his living expenses, of course they have a say if he’s pissing money up the wall on subscriptions and takeaways. What’s the ultimate goal here of him going to uni if he can’t mentally cope with a single email a day. Is he ever going to move out/get a job?

I wouldn't say harming but they your cousin does sound a bit of a bore. I'm the flip side maybe Netflix is over stimulating for DS and they are being cruel to be kind

I have an autistic daughter who lived with me for the first year of university. I'd have banned subscriptions and been cross about takeaways too. The reason she was living at home was to gentle ease her into independent living. If I'd say back and let her crack on she'd be bankrupt in the first month, having spend her entire grant on pokemon cards and takeaway KFC. Some autistic young people still need a very firm guiding hand when it comes to spending.