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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

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10 replies

undecided112 · 20/07/2022 11:24

I have a 11 month old who is quite hard work, however money means that despite DP working full time I now work 2 evenings a week.

On my way to work last night I had a van approach me. They shouted 'get in and let's f*ck'. I said no and kept walking. The van didn't leave me alone and kept shouting 'come on' until a man walked past and noticed. I was clearly shaken up and just went to work and got on with my shift. I called DP and he seemed very concerned and wanted me to report this as I got a picture of the van.

The baby had obviously been difficult and was fighting sleep- and DP (who has previously made me leave work early as he couldn't handle the baby) is texting me none stop saying he's being a nightmare and he's losing his mind and how long am I going to be.

I walked out of work straight to the taxi rank and there was no taxi, as I was scared from the earlier incident I asked him since the baby was awake and normally falls asleep in the pram can he walk down to me. (It's a 30 minute walk, about 10:30pm so it was pitch black). He snapped at me and said 'no I've been out twice today'. And then ignored me. Didn't once text me the whole way home even though I was completely petrified after my encounter earlier on.

I want to feel protected. There's no way I'd ever let someone feel scared if I could do anything to help them. This has really really got to me and he's shown little remorse. We haven't spoken all day whereas he normally texts me saying love you when he gets to work. Wwyd? AIBU to consider leaving?

OP posts:
GirlInACountrySong · 20/07/2022 11:26

Is he like that usually?

AryaStarkWolf · 20/07/2022 11:28

It sounds like you both are really struggling to cope atm. I understand why you're upset considering what happened to you on your way in to work (and you really should report it) The first year can be very tough when you have a baby though so I wouldn't necessarily throw in the towel on your relationship just yet. Tiredness can make people behave out of character (if this is out of character for him?)

Ontomatopea · 20/07/2022 11:29

It was really stupidly hot yesterday. But he could have offered to stay on the phone with you while you walked home.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 20/07/2022 11:30

He sounds like an ass.

girlmom21 · 20/07/2022 11:30

To leave your job or your relationship?

As an aside, did you get the reg of the van? If so please report it.

GreenManalishi · 20/07/2022 11:31

Im sorry, that sounds shit. It's fine to have been out of the house already today and to feel a bit frazzled because of one thing and another but for me, he should have put that to one side and grabbed his keys, popped the baby in the pram and come to meet you, like any good mate or family member would in that situation. You werent being needy, don't let him pass this off as a you problem.

Original poster
undecided112 · 20/07/2022 11:44

He finds it difficult being alone with the baby. I'm yet to ever go out or do anything other than work as I know he just can't cope. He gets too stressed and doesn't understand that babies can be fussy sometimes.

I'd always thought he'd look out for me though- and despite how stressed he was, I'd have thought he wouldn't let me walk home alone for 30 mins in the dark whilst scared without even a text to see if I'm okay. But he did.

OP posts:
sleepymum50 · 20/07/2022 11:46

I think it’s really valid for you to be scared at walking alone at night. He actually knows you have already been abused. I was actually grabbed by a man when walking late at night as a teenager. I managed to bite his hand and scream, he walked off calling me a fucking bitch as if I had done something wrong.

Suggestions: call the police and report the van. Police involvement may make him see your concerns are valid.
look up and send him statistics of crime/assault/etc on lone women.
Book a taxi to get home, so this doesn’t happen again. Difficult if the cost of a taxi outweighs your salary.

I agree that perhaps the combination of the baby and the hot weather may have caused him to be unreasonable, but you need to have a chat about this.

when my DD was first living with her boyfriend at uni, he had a job in a bar. She had a car and drove (he didn’t) she would nearly always go and pick him up from work often after midnight/1am.

Your Dp should not let you walk home alone if you are scared.

AryaStarkWolf · 20/07/2022 12:01

undecided112 · 20/07/2022 11:44

He finds it difficult being alone with the baby. I'm yet to ever go out or do anything other than work as I know he just can't cope. He gets too stressed and doesn't understand that babies can be fussy sometimes.

I'd always thought he'd look out for me though- and despite how stressed he was, I'd have thought he wouldn't let me walk home alone for 30 mins in the dark whilst scared without even a text to see if I'm okay. But he did.

Yes it was really uncaring of him to let you do that when you were scared after what happened earlier that's absolutely valid and you are not unreasonable for feeling that way and you should say all that to him again.

Him not being able to cope with the baby sounds like a massive cop out imo and this is a huge issue (maybe a bigger issue than letting you walk home alone actually) 11 months and never giving you a break (and work isn't a break) is not on and that needs addressing and should have been addressed before the baby is almost 1 year old

Fairislefandango · 20/07/2022 12:14

He sounds pathetic and selfish. Why on earth can't he pull himself together and look after his own baby for a few hours fgs?

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