All through my childhood and up until my 40s - so about 5 years ago - I spent every holiday at a little seaside resort where we had a holiday home that had been in the family for generations.
The holiday home was a place that felt more like home to me than any other place before or since. Full of history from the wall in the hallway recording my then my kids heights to the funny old fashioned knick knacks.
When my granny died it was passed to my mum with whom I have been NC for years. She is a spiteful, angry, hate filled person and my life has been measurably better since cutting her off as she has only ever been unkind and nasty to me. She was abusive to me in many ways throughout my life and I wish I had done it sooner.
The understanding from my granny was that my mum would caretake the house for future generations as she had done when it was passed down from my great granny. My mum has a lot of money - her own successful business and home and a holiday home of her own.
Shed never shared my love for this place but I was still really shocked when she sold it and presented it to us as a done deal. She used the money to buy another holiday house. I’m pretty sure knowing her as I do that this was a punishment for going NC as she knew how much it would hurt.
I was pretty devastated for a long time as were DH and kids. Completely accept that it was her house to do with as she wished but it was still heartbreaking. A lot of this is bound up with sadness for my great gran and granny who were both amazing and who I miss very much.
Anyway we haven’t been back to the seaside resort since. I can’t quite face walking past the house and not being able to go in and neither can the kids, now teenagers.
We have been offered the opportunity of an Airbnb nearby and the chance to do a day trip. I feel a lot less sad about this place than I did when the house was sold but wonder if it’s a. best left in the past as a lovely memory as going back will be upsetting or b. good to go back and make new memories.
Any similar experiences would be helpful to hear.
NB am aware this is a first world problem but I have had to work quite hard on
ly mental health after NC with mother and I don’t want to undo it all by visiting somewhere where I have lovely memories but which still causes me pain to think of. I don’t want to undo all of that. But I hate the thought of never returning. Also don’t want to upset kids but they have said like me they are torn as they miss the place but dread seeing the house.