XP sees dds 4 days a month properly and 2 nights every week for 2 hours. AIBU to expect....

[charliecat]

him to stick to those dates and not try and wiggle with them to suit when its cheapest to fly to go and get his leg over?

Ah well... on the one hand, you are seeing his lifestyle as cheap and shallow, and thinking that he ought to be prioritising your child; which is fair enough.

On the other hand, sometimes plans have to change for unforeseen reasons. It's wise to be willing to accommodate some occasional changes, as you may need same some time.

On the other hand, you know better than me whether he is really interested in seeing his children.

On the other hand, he and again, I do not know him, he could start messing you around over dates more and more frequently, leaving you uncertain when if ever he is going to be available.

Honestly I could do with a little more information before answering.

This is pencilling in his weekends so I know what weekends I leave MY HOUSE(for the weekend) so he can see them here. Because he has nowhere else to have them. And previously ringing 30 mins before hes due to be here to say that hes actually going elsewhere and will be late.

I just think if I only say my kids properly 4 days a month they would be golden days and noone and nothing would get in the way TBH.
And there are 2 other weekends to it in other stuff. And I dont ring the school with excuses...I just turn up on time....
me? never!

You can't run your life around tentative penciled-in arrangements. You don't have to accept that. If he is an unreliable shit, I would suggest not budging an inch on arrangements until he can demonstrate some commitment to them and his children. I would also recommend (based on watching the effects on my two sisters' children) not telling them he's coming until you're totally certain. Obviously this only works if they're little.

I never say hes coming. Just in case.

Verbally im getting all this "I want to see my children" (er,I know, and Ive never said you couldnt) "and its killing me not being with them "(er, you didnt used to mind coming in and shouting at them though did you? when id been with them all day and hadnt) and then when it actually comes down to TIME and EFFORT and dont even mention money....he backtracks, wiggles, squirms and makes me sick.
I personally dont think im being unreasonable thinking that once you have agreed to every second weekend that it cant be set in concrete, or else I will never know whats happening. I can set my life round it(and school runs, and netball games, and swimming lesssons etc). Why cant he?

because you're not a twat charliecat

and you actually give a huge fuck about them

Thank You. You are very right. And I tryed to explain this tonight. But when you are talking to a twat its hard
Laughing and crying here. GOD.

Don't bother talking to him about this, it will just be soooooooo frustrating.

use email/get solicitors involved if you have to but bear in mind you can't make him do anything which is really sad for your daughters and really shitty for you.

Ah he knows I cant make him do anything too. He swans off as and when he pleases and Im just meant to be grateful that ??????????? Oh i dont know.

He's a prick. If you can't get him to agree to anything, tell him you can sort it through the family courts in black and white. The cost should deter him if nothing else. The family court that my sister's case come up in (also in Kent- just glanced at your profile) has been wonderful.

great advice duchesse.

I would stop talking to him entirely cos it sounds like it just ends up in a fight where you have to be grateful to him for anything bastard. It's just so utterly unfair that you're sat their crying tonight when you're not even in a relationship any more

He agrees............and then 30 mins before its time to turn up he wangles. Its infuriating. Face to Face talking about this he shrugs. Says "I know" etc.
He wants them 1 week in Summer. I have agreed to trial run for 3-4 days at Easter.
(The kids are 7 and 9)
When I wouldnt nod to Yes for a week with him he said Fuck the Weekends(that we had just pencilled in and as soon as we had he said they werent in concrete and would change according to flight prices).
Oh I really wish he would vanish.

How horrible for you to be tied to such a complete knobjockey. You've had some great advice here.

Still, having nosed ove to your profile, you have (had?) gorgeous ratties!