feeling like a hotel!

[caterpillar90]

We live in the South. I won't say where as potentially outing. DH grew up in the North of England and all of his family are still there. His school friends are all scattered across the country.

This summer I feel like we may as well start advertising as a hotel. This weekend we are entertaining one of his old school friends, his wife and their 3 kids. SIL and BIL keep messaging asking to come and stay. SIL wants to come for a week so her and DN can have a week by the seaside.

DH works ridiculously long hours. Every time somebody comes to visit, it is me that is running around sorting the shopping and doing all of the cleaning. I also HATE HATE other people using my bathroom and I am fed up with the endless stream of guests.

I know I sound anti-social, but DH and I rarely get much time together. He has a lads weekend booked with all of his school friends in August and then we re going up to see all of his family for a week next month.

Last Christmas and the one before we spent with his family (the 2020 one was a 24 hour visit). This year I just want Christmas in our home and for DS to wake up Christmas morning in his own bed. I want to do our own traditions etc. I told MIL that they - MIL / SIL / BIL - expect every Christmas to be like it was in 1995 and I also have family. Last night we had a phone call to say that they are now looking at flights to come down for Christmas. It's not just MIL and FIL. It's the whole blooming entourage as well - SIL and DN and BIL. DH thinks I am being unreasonable as he doesn't see his family, except for a handful of times a year. We've just had a week's holiday and MIL came.

AIBU to just want to close our doors and say we're not taking any bookings!!!!

I hear you! If dh wants Christmas I’d suggest either before or after. Preferably before as it’s over with and you get to relax. It’s hard when you have such different views on people staying. I’d make it clear that if you have visitors then he had to take time off and truly help… give him a list to start with (you shouldn’t have to but if he’s not used to it then best be prepared and he’s responsible for everything on the list) . Where does your family fit in with all this?

Yanbu. Lucky dh and I hate hosting of this sort so we only do this once in a blue moon, once a year if ever. You need to put your foot down, he's inviting people while he works that's not on.

You’re not being unreasonable
I imagine this is how my aunt felt when she moved to NY and everyone wanted to come over to visit - a constant flow of guests…

You are within your rights to say no and you should sit with OH and tell him you want more chilled family weekends together. Perhaps another reason it’s frustrating you so much, it seems overwhelming especially when a lot of your family time gets taken up seeing people

In regards to Christmas you are not being unreasonable to want your own time with DS and OH and to make your own traditions! Personally I loved growing up having my grandparents around on Christmas Day but I don’t see why you couldn’t just have this year to yourself or do Christmas mornings alone and then see everyone else in afternoon

It seems like you and OH have very different views and a compromise needs to be made his end

Is sil's house nice? You go stay there and have a break. Dh can entertain his family when he gets back from work...

Absolutely NU at all!! I don't mind guests every now and then, but a weekend is enough.

But how you go about refusing them without a family fall out, I have no idea.

Tell DH that his friends and relatives don't come to stay unless he takes time off to do all the preparations and hosting.

Then if people still come, go away yourself either to stay with friends or relatives or a 'work trip' and leave him to it.

He'll be far less keen to do the fun bit of after work socialising when all the preparations haven't magically happened while he was conveniently at work.

If you've sat down and explained this all to DH and he's still expecting you to do all the work what can you do? How about telling him that the very next visit will involve you booking yourself into a hotel or B+B at least an hour away and leaving him to it?

We have a similar situation and we now have a blanket rule at Christmas that it’s just me, DH and our DC on Christmas morning, in our own home. We see family after that.

When people want to visit and we don’t want them to, we either say we have plans or invent work we have going on in the house and suggest we meet elsewhere.

It is hard to juggle without offending people so I empathise!

That sounds very hard work. For Christmas day, for a few years we had a rota - one year my side, one year DH's (we obviously saw the other side over the 2 weeks, just not on the day). Could you have a discussion with your DH that you alternate who gets to plan Christmas, it's just not fair if he gets to plan all of them? If he wants a big family Christmas, unless his family is religious, there is absolutely no reason it has to happen on a fixed date rather than say a week later.

Simple tell them all
how it is and you want it to be just you guys this year- no more visitors

You must host a quality hotel experience, maybe it's time to knock a few stars off! 😂We have similar with DP family, and I go hands off and do my own thing and join in with what I feel like, there is no pressure and he sorts it all. I'd tell DH that if he invites people to stay, he's responsible for making beds up, plus stripping and washing, food shopping and for any cooking, plus any clear up, and just don't do it. Agree when you invite people, your friends and family, that you'll do the same. That should knock the shine of the experience for the host and for the guests!

Tell them they are welcome to visit but no over night stays at your house as its just to much for you,be very firm

Why should the op have to leave her own home just to facilitate visitors, surely just tell the visitors to book there own hotel.I think the family and friends are users and extremely unfair to the op.I think its up to the op to be unavailable without falling out with anyone.All that extra work and shopping is just silly

I think you're right.
Op on a more serious note I think you tell DH that you always thought that marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. You have just as much right to decide how you both spend your time and how your home is used as he does.
He and his family have had their "turn". You are going to politely but firmly contact the lot of them now and tell them that, much as you love their company, you would like to have a quiet summer as a family. You are also going to have a small family Christmas with just the 3 of you. You will definitely be inviting them to visit again at some point, but this year you would like a bit of a change.