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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends friend

5 replies

Tiredg · 19/07/2022 02:15

Hello

my flatmate (a close friend) has a good friend with whom I will admit I am not the number one fan of. If anything I think it is a personality clash with her.

we live close to them, her friend doesn’t work or study (no kids etc) and her fiancé pays for everything.

In contrast we both work and study. Whilst this is not the issue the friend is incredibly judgemental if our house isn’t as tidy as hers is, does tiredg (me) not tidy etc etc.

My friend has been friends with her since childhood and is kind of stuck with her, yet does consider her a good friend which I am trying to respect. I suppose her friend ignoring her for weeks and using her shouldn’t be my concern.

The friend regularly comes round and overstays her welcome - staying for days and days (once 7 days) when both of us are working, my friend feels unable to get rid of her when she overstays. The friend has a dog and cat which she expects my friend to watch very often. Me and my flatmate have a hamster which although not the same can’t be left unattended for long periods

the friend is politically opposite to me (and to my friend). She complains about people who don’t work (ironic), people on benefits, hates the nhs with a passion (I work for the nhs), is an anti vaxxer ( I worked a pandemic), is anti choice - thinks abortions allow women to use them as contraception ( I am very pro choice). I am unable to discuss these topics as it gets too heated and she considers herself an expert from her Facebook research. She is also incredibly anti diet - I am eating healthy cutting out binge eating and have lost 2 stone, the friend considers me to be anorexic. (I am not - still a good bit overweight).

I seem to be having extreme anxiety about the friend which I can’t shift and whilst I know it’s probably me being unreasonable idk what to do.

obviously my friend can be friends with whoever she wants but the overstaying welcome, being ?deliberately pedantic / contrary and seeing her using my friend is getting to me. How do I reconcile with this? any advice appreciated.

I probably am being unreasonable but wish to be advised on it. Thanks

OP posts:
NotSoSlimShady8 · 19/07/2022 02:36

I couldn’t be arsed with that 😩 if you feel comfortable enough to do so .. I would speak to your friend on her own and explain that it’s your home too and you no longer want the girl coming round as she is making you anxious because of X Y and Z and can she meet her out / at her friends lovely tidy home instead 🙃 . Everyone’s happy . Even if it makes things awkward it won’t matter cos you don’t like her anyway and won’t have to see her again

you don’t have to get on with everybody but you shouldn’t have to put up with them in your own home 💁‍♀️

Tiredg · 19/07/2022 02:39

@NotSoSlimShady8
thanks. Me and my friend are incredibly open but this is the one sticking point tbh

OP posts:
lisavanderpumpscloset · 19/07/2022 02:41

I'd be looking at getting my own place tbh

Tiredg · 19/07/2022 02:43

@lisavanderpumpscloset
thanks. That’s not financially viable at present but I should be able to afford to buy in 6-12 months

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 19/07/2022 02:46

well, I think shared homes need rules and a limit on guests staying a week should be one of them? It doesn't matter if the visitors feels pushed out.

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