To think nobody actually cares?

[kitchenboard]

I've spent my whole life worrying, catastrophising, anxious and overthinking. Anytime I thought someone didn't like me, or was ignoring me, it's usually cause they had their own stuff going on.

I'm coming to the conclusion nobody actually cares..

Yes, this is true. I was very anxious when younger and was always worrying about what people thought of me. Actually, no one was thinking about me. If it is any consolation, it gets better as you get older.

Correct. Most people are in their own bubble and worry about what’s going on their life. When I am being ridiculous and over the top I remind myself, I am
not that important. Other people have their own worries

Yep it’s true. When you first realise it can feel devastating, but then it becomes gloriously freeing!

Yep. On the whole people are too busy worrying about their own shit to give much thought to others. Maybe a passing thought here and there but as we see on this site, usually only in relation to what the other person's behaviour says about them. I realised this in my early 30s and it was hugely freeing. I've become much more forgiving of other people and myself and find it much easier to make friends now. I was a proper stress bunny in my 20s.

Yes.. when I think back to anytime I've asked if I made someone upset which is why they hadn't spoke to me or something, it's usually because they had something going on in their life.

Asked a few of my friends if it bothers them and they said no, they're busy with their own lives!

A lot of people these days are struggling because of the pandemic, cost of living and climate change. I know I am. Therefore if people ignore you, do consider if they are perhaps overwhelmed and have a lot on their plate.

People do care, but only you are responsible for your worrying, catastrophising, anxiety and overthinking.
It is a tough thing to hear, but friends and family are not free therapy. Most people do have their own stuff going on, and simply do not have the capacity or knowledge to deal with other peoples. That does not mean they do not care.

Sadly, this is true. I have a big, big worry at the moment and I have realised that my friends don't have the capacity to hear any more about it, so am going to therapy. I honestly would prefer to talk to someone who actually cares about me, but people have compassion fatigue...

You are the starting character in the story of your life. The protagonist, the one around whom every other action is framed.

In everyone else’s story you vary from being a love interest, down to a tiny bit-part player. To them you just don’t fill the screen, or in most cases matter much to the plot.

So yes, you are right. You don’t “not matter” as in no-one cares about you, but there decisions and actions will often be nothing to do with how they feel about you at all.

I think people genuinely care of there is an obvious emergency and you need immediate help but a lot of what we blow up as huge issues are really not that big a deal to other people.

I love this. Thank you! I'm just so sick of taking everything personally.

It's so liberating when you realise this.

Omg yes!!!! I had my epiphany when I was about 38 and it has been the most liberating thing ever.
I will worry about what my husband, parents, my sibling, and most of my wider family and close friends think... because I love and respect them. But not even to the same extent.
If I make a choice that's right for me and my little family, if someone doesn't like that then it's their problem.

Think of it this way.... you don't care about others outside of your circle, so why would they care about you??

It‘s why shyness and self-consciousnesses is, even if you don’t realise it or intend it to be, incredibly self-centred: the only person who is focussing on and thinking that much about you, is you. I really do feel sorry for people who spend most of their lives hiding away for fear that other people will notice them and judge them for whatever they’re doing.

I’m pretty sure I fuck up or do something idiotic when drunk or high more or less every single weekend. But it seems nobody really notices, because they aren’t focussing on me. They continue to love me and I get repeat invitations to come and drink and get high at their parties because I don’t make a big deal out of it all, and they haven’t realised it happens, so I’m just good value. The day that I realised this in my mid twenties really did set me free.

For me personally.. if someone doesn't reply to me. I think of everything bad I've ever said or done in my life and wonder if they know, or second guess my interactions 😭

This isn’t strange, it’s a normal way to feel.

As above, though, what looks huge to you is very likely to have been an offhand thing to someone else.