To ask you to give some hope to a newly single mum?

[RudeDogsDweeb]

I’m nearly 40 and newly single following my divorce. I have 3dc, primary age. One with additional needs. Shared custody, which I am finding hard but working on coming to terms with.

I am coming to terms with the fact my ex was in the end emotionally abusive (I think, I doubt myself a lot). I have a lot of healing to do and am not looking for another relationship any time soon.

What I would like though is some hope that maybe one day there will be love in my life again. Is anyone able to share any positive stories? I know I have a lot of baggage (and responsibilities) but I have a lot of love to give and it makes me so sad to think this is it for me.

Would really appreciate any support and stories of hope.

I don't know.
If it's any help I'm a bit ahead of you on the journey. Gone through the desperate for love stage, bridled at all the happily married people telling me I needed to learn to be happy on my own.
Disastrous OLD, taken advantage of and unsuitable guys. They reckon about 20 dates before you find a half decent one. Some terrible sex. Some quite good sex!
And then suddenly that feeling of I've got this. About 2 years in for me. Another relationship ends disastrously because you just think I can't be arsed to put up with this crap.
Suddenly more interested in my friends and my own time to do my interests. And time with the kids because contact has settled into a rhythm and it works.
Like you I'm still hoping that person is out there but I'm drifting down the river and just genuinely enjoying the view.

I was widowed abit younger than you and I had a teenager, Oh my goodness life was challenging like yours. I was a bit shell shocked and very worried about the future too. Funny thing is life always seems to have a way of sorting itself out especially when you least expect it. I promise you it does,we carry on day to day just putting one foot in front of the other and wondering hy mostly but we get through, Fast forward 14 years here I am with a lovely husband (most of the time!!) and a 10 yr old dd believe me I was looking for neither,,,mine came about totally by accident meeting him and finding love was the very last thing on my mind. I can smie again now as I loo back and see where life has taken me, You never know what is literally round the corner,don;t look is my advice if its meant to be it will find you, I wish you much over due happiness and I am sure it will come your way,It shocked the pants off me when it did come for me!!!!

My abusive husband left 11 years ago. My 4 children then were all at primary school. Family court was brutal but that aside we have done well. The shared parenting bit is horrible but you have your time and he has his. I educated the children about boundaries (never about their father directly) and worked on my own too. Practical things were tough but I managed.
now the children are between 16 and 20, all lovely independent human beings who absolutely understand who their father is. Some still see him on their own terms, some don't.
I am happy and healthy, I hve great kids and friendships. Personally I haven't looked for love or another relationship but I know I could and have froends who have and been wonderfully surprised at how great men can be...
There will be tough times but you will be fine, one day at a time. And as you rebuild yourself you will discover just how great you really are and how much you were robbed of yourself in that relationship.
Your children will also have struggles but they will be fine because you are able to properly support them. remember you can acknowledge the truth about their father without ever talking dirt on him.

The crying days will happen, but they will pass....just trust that better times are coming