What does complete burnout feel like?

[Sleepdeprived42long]

Just that really-what did complete burnout feel like for you and what did you do about it when you got to that point?

For background-been feeling like I’m in ‘fight mode’ constantly re my work (and I feel like that both when I’m at work and not there-can’t switch off!) for probably around a year now. My work think I’m coping but every day it gets a bit harder to pretend. I’m not sleeping properly, I’m irritable, my diet is awful and I’m finding it difficult to get joy from things.

In the past, having some holidays like a week or two off seemed to help reset things for a bit but the last couple of times that just hasn’t worked :( Not sure where to go from here. I don’t really want to leave-not just because the terms and conditions are good/flexible but I did used to enjoy the job and I know what I’m doing. The job itself won’t change and I’ve mentioned how I’m feeling to my manager who was sympathetic but cannot change or reduce my workload.

Total burnout for me was not being able to get out of bed and having intrusive bad thoughts. I felt numb. I couldn't turn on my work laptop. I had to have 2 months off work. I lost a lot of confidence.

I will never let myself get to that point again. I do work as fits into my working hours and I frequently don't do things in time if they've been assigned late ("I need this tomorrow morning" type requests). I'm quite senior in my role and I have actually been more successful and productive since I've adapted in this way.

Inability to sleep.
sitting at 2,3,4,5am mind going over and over and over things then having to be up at 6 for 12 hour shift.
Planning in my head what needs doing as priority constantly day and night and days off.

Tearful, anything and everything set me off.
Stomach churning constantly but then when I had certain thoughts, it got much worse.

Intrusive bad thoughts and flashbacks.

Dwelling on awful (horrific) things that happened at work.

Dreading going in, actually dreading the idea of going into work.

Feeling on edge anticipating the next trauma and horror, feeling like I just won’t cope with it.

Numb to everything. No happiness or joy in anything at all.

overeating.
Feeling no benefit from days off or annual leave.

I just stopped it all. Took about 2 months off sick. It stopped the noise in my head and calmed me right down.
Then got. New job. Turned out it was the same shit just somewhere else .So I left the NHS entirely.
Im like. New person now!

Hi OP. I'm sorry you've been feeling like this. If it's not burnout, it sounds like you're on your way there.

I recently had a few months off work (not stress related) and I found the return to work very difficult emotionally. Like you, I felt that I was stuck in fight or flight mode a lot of the time. One of the things I learned to deal with that is certain breathing exercises and also meditation. They might help you physiologically to move out of fight or flight.

Some of the breathing exercises were in for 4 seconds, out for 6; box breathing or square breathing; left nostril breathing. And the Insight Timer app has some really good guided meditations. I found that doing some of this after my work day, or first thing on a day off, helped me switch off a bit.

Obviously if your burnt out just some breathing isn't going to fundamentally change that. Is your work unreasonable? Or is it something else? I mean things like long term low self esteem issues, or something.

Similar to pp I found it impossible to feel positive about anything, I hardly slept, I never wanted to do anything with family at the weekends and resented anyone wanting my time or input on anything. I was on the verge of leaving my family because I felt everything had broken down.

The turning point was DH pointing out bluntly that it was hard enough to convince DS to spend time with me as it was so if I left it would be even harder, so how was that supposed to improve our relationship? DS was 8 at the time and it was like a light flicked on, and from that moment I resolved "no more."

Workload hasn't changed but I have. I do my hours with a bit extra for one-off situations. Lots of things are late or done not to the ideal standard. Our whole team is in the same boat, even our manager has said that we need to let things fail as it's the only way to make the GMs take notice.

Terms and conditions such as good holiday, pension, various perks can make you feel trapped in a job but they don't make up for feeling too tired to do anything or hating being around your loved ones.

Honestly what would you rather have right now if you had the chance: 35 days holiday (that you are too stressed and burnt out to enjoy) and your current workload or 20 days holiday in a job that you leave mostly on time and don't worry about until next morning?

Realistically your choice is pull back on work (because your manager obviously isn't interested in making that happen) and make it clear what can be achieved at that time you receive a task/query and push back on things you can't achieve every time OR look for another job.

You can't just plough on and hope that things improve.

I was surprised by the physical reaction of mental burnout. Being physically sick for no understandable medical reason every day.
Was signed off for 3 weeks and it stopped straight away.
A workplace will take what you are willing to give. If you stop then they they will be forced to allocate the workload to something more managable

Not sleeping, being sick for no reason, thinking that if I died I would be out of it, thinking that if I was really ill and could just be signed off sick I would be OK, being constantly anxious about the tiniest thing, not being able to switch off from work, one day I got into the car and started to drive and thinking that I could just drive and disappear ( I mean doing a Reggie Perrin). Just having no joy in anything. In the end, I took early retirement because the alternative was too awful to contemplate.

@JustMarriedBecca A workplace will take what you are willing to give. I needed to learn this 40 years ago

Why have you not mentioned this to your work manager? Ask for a chat. Just say, I look like I've been coping for the last x mths, but I've actually been really struggling.

This was me too but I tend to not eat much and berate myself for being out of shape so I wasn’t eating much and therefore constantly ill with bugs. I felt like I was drowning and like I had to get out. I used to drive along the motorway to work in the morning and think at least if I had a car accident I’d get some time away from I all.
Quit the job. It’s really really not worth it. I eventually quit and went elsewhere and I should’ve quit way before I did. X

Not caring at all. Thinking all of my patients would be better off dead. Rows with colleagues (ok one colleague). Exhausted, depressed. Ignoring ds. Working lots of extra hours. Going to bed in the small hours because going to bed meant the next day was coming and I couldn't face it, then waking early anyway. Suicidal. Unable to face any exercise or anything that made demands on me. Crying a lot.

I had some time off which was awful - felt terrible every day - and antidepressants. It's better but not perfect.

Throwing up in the morning before work. Heart palpitations. Head constantly buzzing.
Snapping point was when I couldn't find a clean fork and my knees went from under me and I spent probably the next hour on the kitchen floor in the foetal position sobbing.
Doctor signed me off with a prescription for citalopram and a new job.
I will never allow a job to do that to me again.

Sorry to hear so many of you have had similar and worse experiences to me! I do feel that I should just change my mindset towards work and care less about it (the comment from PP that ‘A workplace will take what you are willing to give’ is so true!) but I struggle to do that when I’m already feeling like I’m already feeling like my workload is slipping out of my control.

Sorry to hear that OP. I could have written it myself. I work in a senior high pressurised role and the last 12 months have been extremely busy. Plus Covid, now the economy, other issues are adding up. Many days I start at 6am and finish at 6-7pm. Work some weekend. I love my job but I feel constantly exhausted. I have been doing well and set very high standards for myself and my team but now I worry that I will start making mistakes given my mental and physical state. I think my line manager has noticed how busy I have been, and has suggested recently a few adjustments to improve my workload. I am trying to implement these now, and have 2 weeks off in August. If it doesn't help, and I don't feel better after the holiday, I am seriously considering asking my manager to allow me to take 1-2 months off early next year to re-charge. I have been with this company for over 10 years so I hope that they will consider it. I am still undecided as I am worried how this will be perceived by the senior management and I am feeling guilty to leave my team to deal with this very busy period, but I genuinely don't know how I will cope if this situation continues for much longer. And I don't want to end up hitting the wall as it sounds terrible as some PPs have described. I have also seen a close friend being off sick for 2 months due to work related stress which manifested itself in physical illness. Have you been at your company for long? Do they allow sabbaticals?

I’ve been there 15 years. They do ‘career breaks’ which I have considered but we would struggle for me to take time off unpaid. I also worry about how it would be perceived but I think there will come a time when I’m actually beyond caring about perception!