To not visit MIL…

[LostLeftShoe]

…every week?
I’m due back to work from maternity leave soon. While being off we’ve developed a routine of visiting MIL every Friday and having dinner there. We live 30 minutes away and she doesn’t drive. We live opposite ends of a big city so it’s crossing a motorway meaning at certain points of the day it’s a 30 minute drive but as soon as traffic gets busy at rush hour times it’s easy an hour.

Anyway now I’m due back to work I’ll have a lot less free time and I don’t really want to do this on a weekly basis anymore. However it’s clear MIL thinks it will be a long term arrangement and due to her not driving she doesn’t even consider her coming to us as an option. It cannot just be a short visit as due to the times whereby I wouldn’t even consider being stuck in slow moving traffic for an hour with DD in the car and I don’t want to lose one of our few days off together to it.
Would I be unreasonable to stop going every week? How often would be reasonable to visit? And I’m I being unreasonable in thinking there’s no reason why she can’t visit us?

I'm early 50s & feel like a 16 yo, albeit with a few autoimmune issues. My 85 yo neighbour thinks I'm wet as I moan a bit about arthritis. He's golfing for the next 3 days & regularly has boys trips to Spain.

If she starts being indulged now, you may have another 40+ years of running around after her.

Nip it in the bud. 😎

My MIL is similar, early 50s, still working but absolutely has a melt down if she doesn't see us each week - mainly us going to her! It's a nightmare. Stand firm OP, she can definitely pick up some slack now you're on your way back to work 😊

YANBU to not want to visit every week if it doesn't fit with your work schedule but YABU to say DH shouldn't be allowed to take DD to visit her every week if he wants to.

Exactly.
I don’t drive but would happily get two trains to see my grandchild. Tell her you will visit once a month and if she wants to come over once a month she would be very welcome. No reason at all why she can’t get a train.

Does MIL not work?
Early 50s usually still working unless health problems.
She doesn't sound very capable expecting you to do all the visiting.

No health reasons just lazy imo. I’ll be working 4 days a week mon-thurs. She doesn’t work either, again not heath related. I think I’ll cut it down to once every two weeks with the aim of reducing to once a month. It would be completely pointless suggesting she comes here, she’d genuinely look at me like I had two heads!

I think I’ll cut it down to once every two weeks with the aim of reducing to once a month. It would be completely pointless suggesting she comes here, she’d genuinely look at me like I had two heads!

Sounds like a good plan. If she wants to see her grandchild more often, she can reassess her attitude to trains!

Change it to Sunday lunch, once a month at yours and once a month at hers or central (if she’d rather pay a restaurant than cook).

Hi mil I am emailing you the train timetable as obviously from next week I won't be able to keep to our usual routine as lovely as it has been. Let us know which day you will be over so dh can be back on time that night.
Love op.

Meant to add her ds can offer a lift home if he feels happy to!

Start as you mean to go on. Of course she should make half the trips and at her young age there is no reason for her not to.

When she moans about not seeing DC every week that's when you say "you're welcome to come here" repeat every time.

You may end up finding a baby or toddler group to do on a Friday which will naturally end fortnightly visits or even just keeping on top of the housework tbh.

EARLY FIFTIES 🤯🤦‍♀️😂😂🤯

I’m early fifties!

Tell her to get a grip, honestly.

Once you're working 4 days a week, that day off with your DC will be very precious to you. How often does your DH think you need to visit his DM ?

I may be a bit jealous as I don't know how any early fifties person can afford to not work.

Pmsl at early 50s. All of my YOUNGER friends are mid 50s or younger. I don't know a single person who doesn't work. My youngest retired friend is 62 but most at that age are expecting to work another 5 years at least.

Your MIL lives a very narrow life for one so young, she should be encouraged to get out more.