Mum talks about depressing things

[Itsgettinghottttinhere]

First off, obviously love my mum to bits. She’s 69 and coming to stay tomorrow, with my dad, for two weeks.
She often talks about fairly depressing things and I end up either feeling a bit meh or a bit anxious.
For example, she often talks about when she dies-not wanting to be buried, plans etc..I accept she wants me to know and I do struggle with talking about death, but have listened now and don’t want to discuss again. She talked last time about how terrible U.K. was (I’m abroad now) and how no one will have anywhere to live soon, so many homeless, she worries for the future for my siblings etc. Even small things about saying I’ve had my dog for a while now (she’s 9) and how she’s getting on a bit and won’t be here forever (I know!!🥲)
She texted me the other day saying to watch Loose women as they were discussing the peri menopause, just to know about it in case I get symptoms (I’m 44 so fair enough) butttt, I don’t want to think/worry about it, it feels depressing to me, I just want to (try) to live in the now and enjoy it.
They also like to watch the evening news 6-7.30 every night…we don’t and I’m not interested as it’s depressing and makes me anxious. I often end up debating with them regarding politics etc and their views often disappoint me.
Anyone else’s parents like this??

If I say to my mum that I don’t want to talk about it (death etc) she says I have to toughen up and face it…I have, I just don’t want conversations about it 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈

To the people who think I’m being unreasonable, why 🤣

I do feel for you OP

But ... My mum was much worse than this. She's sadly dead now :( I would give anything to have her back and listen to the misery again.

Just enjoy having her with you, and try and let the content of what she actually says wash over you 💐

That sounds really annoying. I don’t think you’ll change someone who has a negative take on life. With the death talk I’d just repeat that you’ve definitely taken on board all her wishes and won’t forget. The other stuff maybe just tune out as noise? Cost of living/ nhs/ education yeah all very worrying, anyone for a G&T?

Good luck, two weeks is pretty long. Make sure you take plenty of time out.

I just say I don’t want to talk about whatever the depressing topic is. And I leave the room if my wishes are not respected. Maybe your mum can tell an empty room to toughen up!

It’s different if someone is anxious and needs to talk about something. I’m entirely willing to listen to genuine worries. But in general I don’t welcome anything gratuitously gloomy. The thing with your dog, for example: I would shut that down immediately.

I’ve had some significant mental health difficulties in the past, and now I prioritise my comfort over other people’s inclinations to moan about the state of the world just to make conversation.

She's old so it's expected. Maybe support her and be there for her. She's scared too so she's just telling you.

@OhGoodnessItsSoExhausting I’m so sorry 💐 totally understand what you’re saying…it’s just I guess I have the tendency to absorb worries/depressing things and become a bit anxious/down

@heartbroken22 I wouldn’t say she’s that old really tbh!

@heartbroken22 I'm very much there for her but also find it upsetting to talk about her passing with her. I’d like to just be able to enjoy the moments and years we have, whilst we have them 🙏

My mother is like this, it’s awful and I actually really dislike being around her because of it. When she brings up something miserable I just give a very noncommittal “uh huh” then change the subject or leave the room. If she does it constantly I’ll make fun of her about it a bit and she vaguely gets the message for an hour or so!

My in laws are like this. Always so negative and depressing. Even mundane chit chat is negative - I'll say isn't this lovely weather - they will say - it will be raining again next week.

I did start to make a joke of it and I think it may have registered a little but I think I may have offended them slightly - they made it obvious they thought I was being rude

I tried tuning it out and just saying hmm yeah

Now I just limit contact and try to keep busy so I don't have to chat much. I prepare meals for ages and keep busy with my kids and generally avoid too much conversation as I find it so depressing

They also talk a lot about death / the state of the country / have quite racist and old fashioned views. Occasionally I call them out but generally just tune out and ignore them- no real advice but I do feel for you

My mum is 83 and has been like this since widowhood a few years ago. I keep telling her to stop and she gets mournful. It’s not the death talk I mind. We are into the practicality of that so as long as she doesn’t go on, as long as it’s just a brief comment I don’t mind. But she can talk endlessly about depressing things in general. It is very hard and I’m glad I asked her to rein it in or it would be worse.

so I feel your pain.

Yes my mother is in her early 70s & has always been like this. She's never happier than when she's telling some very depressing story about illness, death, misery. She absolutely relishes it & it's very very hard going to be in her company.
She also sucks the joy out of all events- Christmas day etc she's lamenting that it's all over for another year before we've even had dinner.