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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Son refuses to see Father

14 replies

Sarah061991 · 16/07/2022 19:03

My son refuses point blank to see his father and extended family due to father's behaviour to him over the years. There is no court order although when younger there was a standard shared visitation schedule in place. Sons father is getting married again, a destination wedding at the end of this year; meaning to attend would likely be around 4 or 5 days minimum dependant on flight availability, son does not wish to attend and has made this clear, yet is being hassled by other family members about this; creating more strain on any future relationships with them. He is 15 and very clear on all of the toxicity he endured at the hands of his father over the years mainly due to alcohol addiction and does not wish to be coerced into ultimately a long weekend or week long trip with them. Thoughts please.

OP posts:
SausageinaBun · 16/07/2022 19:04

He's old enough to make that kind of decision, so you need to support him in it.

Murdoch1949 · 16/07/2022 19:21

Your son has every right to refuse to attend. He has been through a lot with his father and wants to protect himself. Family members should keep out of it. Can you intervene with them to explain your son's decision?They may not fully appreciate what he went through. Adults, your ex, cannot expect their past poor behaviours to be totally forgotten, there is frequently a price to pay.

Waterwater101 · 16/01/2023 11:38

He shouldn’t be made to attend. Encouraged, maybe but ultimately up to him.

HelpASisterOut999 · 16/01/2023 14:24

as the mother of children of an alcoholic father, don't make him go, he's old enough to decide how his relationship (or not) with his dad looks

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/01/2023 14:27

They cant force him on a plane.

ThreeLittleDots · 16/01/2023 14:32

Block them all. He's old enough to choose not to engage whatsoever.

ThreeLittleDots · 16/01/2023 14:33

And good for him for being so strong and single-minded.

DismantledKing · 16/01/2023 14:36

You need to support him here.

Daffodilis · 16/01/2023 14:48

I do not understand why you need others thoughts on this matter. Your sensible son does not want to be trapped in a situation with a parent he can't trust, support him, simple as that!

Butchyrestingface · 16/01/2023 14:51

Does the father pay maintenance? Are you afraid this will stop if son doesn't attend the wedding?

Not that it actually sounds from your post as if the father is hassling your son directly.

You'd still be U to force him to attend but I can understand the fear of maintenance being withheld for some mothers. Sad

slashlover · 16/01/2023 14:54

This was posted in July last year, the wedding will have already happened.

ZOMBIE!

Butchyrestingface · 16/01/2023 14:56

slashlover · 16/01/2023 14:54

This was posted in July last year, the wedding will have already happened.

ZOMBIE!

Oh FFS.

🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫

DismantledKing · 16/01/2023 15:22

slashlover · 16/01/2023 14:54

This was posted in July last year, the wedding will have already happened.

ZOMBIE!

Oh godddddd, I can’t believe I’ve been caught out here. I feel like a right plum.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/01/2023 15:34

@Waterwater101 orf with your head!

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