Second thread about this…

[NC12987]

Okay so just check the history if necessary but in short, ex got back in touch with me, everything was going fine, didn’t meet up with him (thank God), but on Thursday, decided he doesn’t want to talk to me any more because of potential “drama”.

Please bear in mind that when we were together all those years ago, I was young, emotional, somewhat possessive and just a downright damn fool.

Since he got back in touch (and obviously because I have matured over that period of time), I’ve been nothing but the complete opposite. Leaving him on read when I’m busy and just generally getting on with my life. Not “on his dick”, so to speak.

Truth be told? I don’t really like him as a person. He’s a narc, up himself, flies off the handle at the smallest thing and just generally an idiot in every respect of the word. But he is amazing in bed. So forgive me for sounding crude but, that’s all I actually really wanted from him.

Last but not least, when he first got in touch, he claimed that he loves me and always has over the past 6/7 years we’ve been out of touch. I don’t feel the same unfortunately. I care about him as a person, as in, if he met his end tomorrow, I would shed a tear.

But otherwise, I couldn’t care less.

So I suppose my question is, why am I so bothered about this? Is it because he ghosted me and not the other way round?

Any and all advice would be appreciated, no matter how harsh. Go for it! Crucify me! 😄

There are other people who are good in bed. Move on.

😂😂

Thank you, I appreciate this very blunt and straightforward response.

I guess as an outsider it is that straightforward to me. You only wanted good sex, have fun with someone else who you don't have a past with. Especially if he's been saying he loves you and stuff in the past. You don't need that.

You’re not being completely honest with yourself. You’re bothered because it’s not just the sex thing. You have an attachment to him which is unresolved. Maybe it is just you want him to want you because that feels good.

Plus simple power dynamics in action. If he rejects you, he has the power in the exchange. That irritates and engages your ego.

Best to ignore and move on!

Isn’t there a Relationships forum?!

All of this is 'drama.' honestly, just move on

Toxicity .

what is that phrase …something bonding ?

If you’ve really not got feelings for him, do you think he’s thinking ‘I could have her if I wanted’ and thats why you’re so bothered about it? That he got in fist and ended things?

This is what I was thinking.

You were using him for sex and enjoying the control that gave you because he's a narc and controlling.

Except now he's ghosted you you've lost that control.

You need to move on. Plenty of other people out there and you can have lots of short term dating relationships that come with great sex but don't come with the emotional baggage this one does.

I don’t understand what the AIBU is here. You don’t like him, you aren’t bothered about seeing him, why a second thread? Do you need a load of armchair psychologists to nod sagely and diagnose him as a narcissist so you can fulfil a morbid desire to talk about him?

My gosh, I sooo needed to hear this.

You’re absolutely right on some points.

I actually don’t have an attachment to him, it’s difficult to explain. It’s almost like, the way we left things years ago ie him giving me the brush off, I feel like I’m not willing to allow that to happen again, hence why I’ve behaved in the complete opposite fashion this time around.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that I want him to want me because that makes me feel good. Not even. It’s more perhaps that I want him to want me because he didn’t want me more than I wanted him back in the day. Does that make sense? I won’t lose sleep over him not wanting me more, but that’s the dynamics we’re talking about here.

Your last paragraph though? Spot on.

I need to just chill and give this some time to pass and revisit my thoughts at a later occasion.

Thanks so much for your response. It’s been extremely eye-opening and helpful x

Um, no I don’t, love. I made a second thread because I felt like it. If that bothers you, kindly mute the thread and go about your business. Have a lovely day.

Okay, gotta get ready to head to a BBQ now so I will definitely respond to everyone else once I’ve arrived. Thank you all 😊

Yes!

I will respond properly to you later but YES. I think that is definitely the case! x

I guess you have worked out that it’s him, not you. Sometimes it can be useful to meet up with an ex even if just to realise how messed up the relationship was!

Yes, there is. Except I chose to post in AIBU. If you have an issue with that, please, kindly report to MNHQ and I’m sure that they will be more than willing to assist you with this issue. Have a lovely day.

Mm exactly but I feel like this particular set of circumstances regarding the “ex” could result in a complete catastrophe. Last thing I need right now! 😄

Back later, MN’s! Have a great day and enjoy the sun! 🌞 x

Maybe grow up a bit?

Maybe don’t click on a thread and read through all the replies and then become clearly bothered and/or antagonised by your opinion of my level of maturity? Yeah? Sound like a good plan? Great. Got to fly now. Have a great day 😊

I hope you mean 'once I get back home later'.

Lol

Oh, I see. You only want people to reply who are prepared to indulge you in over-analysing a non-relationship with a twat.