Works night out - am I too sensitive?

[Funkyslippers]

Colleague who I would also class as a friend arranged an end of term night out this week. Can't remember the last time we all got together. I was really looking forward to it. Throughout the evening however I noticed she didn't really speak to me at all but she was fawning over everyone else, taking selfies with everyone except me etc and as she'd organised it she was the centre of attention so, much as I tried to have a chat to people, all the attention seemed to be on her and her flitting from one person to the next so I didn't really get to speak to anyone for very long. In the end I left early. Next day she's posted around 80 pics, I'm in 2 of the whole group shots, no others, and everyone is tagged except me. I actually felt invisible! I'm usually confident in most situations and usually get on really well with her and all my colleagues that I know. I confided in a work friend who didn't come on the night out but didn't name the person but my friend knew exactly who I was talking about if that makes sense. She said she could sense that she could be a real bitch.I won't see her now until we go back in 6 weeks. How can I move on? I realise this person isn't a friend after all and isn't worth my headspace but as all the others pretty much ignored me too I've been quite upset and it's really knocked my confidence. She's also been a bit unpleasant over the past few years to a couple of other colleagues past & present. Any advice would be great. Thanks

Why are people finding it so odd that someone would post 80+ pictures of a night out up on social media, maybe there were 80+ different individuals there, or maybe there were different group shots, decoratio/food shots etc, it's really not that odd 🤨 why didn't you just spend your evening talking to everyone else there instead of relying on having her attention????

I knew a woman who was deeply offended because a co-worker complemented her cardigan. There was a weird warped logic to the whole thing, but she took a dislike to this co-worker ever since.

So, even though your co-worker has taken a dislike to you for whatever random reason, I wouldn't let it bother you. Just continue to be polite and friendly and don't let it bother you. People are weird!

Also, it was compliment not complement, obviously. It's one of those days!

You’re in a snot with her because she got on with her night and enjoyed herself, and you expected her to be with you? This is someone you casually text from time to time and bump into when out?? You’re the one being unreasonable. You sound obsessed.

Because it was just a standard work night out not a wedding?

I think you are making far too much of this and being teenage (not messaging her but waiting to see if she messages you.)

When you are hosting you are busy, it’s normal not to talk to people much. She may well also be a cow but these are two separate things. If you don’t like her don’t hang out with her.

As for everyone else, I doubt anyone had long chats with anyone, so don’t go getting paranoid about that.

You are probably just tired, forget about it.

People are weird

You spent your night watching what she was doing, wanted long conversations with people who were there to have fun and was resentful because she didn't give you her time, on a busy works night out that she'd organised? It's you, not her. To then gossip about her to someone who can 'sense'! She's a bitch, you aren't a friend. Does the person who described her a bitch, based on her senses ever organise work nights out, or even attend? I think that your expectations are wrong.

I dont understand why her flitting from one person to another meant that you couldnt speak to anyone for very long?

I don't see that this person has done anything wrong from what you write here. She was hosting a party and spent the evening chatting to all the guests, of which there were many. It would have been stranger if she was hosting and spent a large part of her evening with just you.

Also, if I were you I would avoid people who "sense that" someone can be "a real bitch". It makes it sound like they are a gossip who likes to talk negatively about other people behind their backs.

How old is she like about 14???

You are not being too sensitive, IMO, but you are giving this person too much thought.
You've seen how she is. Be civil and professional at work. Don't associate with her out of work. If she messages, don't engage. Don't message her.

I have a friend like this at work. Thought we were close. She invited me out on a night out and ignored me all night then left me at end of night on my own while they all got lift home together. I don't bother now.

Well, she arranged the night out so of course she would be 'flitting about' and 'fawning over' people as she'd be in hosting mode and likewise their attention would be more focused on her than on you, unless you were making similar efforts to 'fawn'. Perhaps she felt less need to make an effort with you or perhaps she was just in the moment and you got missed, but you could have spoken to her rather than watching and disapproving. I know you're keen to read things into it and bitch about her, but it sounds like over-thinking to me, especially when it comes to counting how many photos you're in. Most people don't like arranging and being the lead on social events like this because it can be hard work and stressful keeping everyone happy and this shows why. You can always organise your own night out to show her how it's done.

She didn't organise a party! It was a works night out in a pub! She wasn't the host

It sounds like you spent the entire night watching her speaking to others and not doing the same yourself OP, which is a little unreasonable. She may have had your attention but not everyone else's. Just treat it as a colleague relationship rather than a friendship.

Having been on plenty of school staff nights out, nobody would consider the person who organised it 'the host' just because they booked the venue/co-ordinated timings etc. Yes, people might thank them for sorting things out, but they wouldn't make them the centre of attention, or consider it their 'do', unless they were retiring/leaving.

You said yourself as she'd organised it she was the centre of attention - so whether you call it hosting or not, what you're describing is someone who organised the night out and was at the heart of it, talking to everyone so either felt some responsibility to make sure people had fun or just enjoys that role. Not sure what's really wrong with it either way.

She's what I would class as a 'good time friend'. Let her organise things and go along if you fancy (and enjoy meeting/chatting to other people) but don't give her too much headspace or rely on her. Her lack of attention won't be anything you've done wrong so don't waste your time trying to figure it out.

I have one of these who I treat very lightly indeed. She's a social butterfly/has a pretty low attention span (and there's nothing wrong with that) so I'll only meet up with her 121 or when there are going to be others I know/get on with there too. She can be good fun and I enjoy watching her flit around but she isn't an important friend.

Are you SURE it was soley an end of term party for the team and not that you actually crash her birthday or other life celebration?

Usually an end of year party does not have a 'star' that people flock to regardless of who organised it (I worked in a university and have attended many and organised many and never seen that happen, however people with birthdays or life events coming up host parties before the break as no one will be around during).

80 pictures?! Ouch! That sounds like a person who's trying to project an image of, 'look at me, look at how popular I am'.

I'd defo be wary of someone like that!

I don't understand why her talking to lots of people means that you didn't speak to anyone for long? Sounds like there were loads of you there? Why are you so invested in the one colleague?

She posted 80 photos of a night out? Is she 15?
Yes you are being sensitive. She’s not your cup of tea, just a. Work colleague who sounds like she need me all that twaddle to feel she’s popular. Rise above it.