To get annoyed with my DH?

[Onlyrainbows]

Our almost 3yo hasn't been able to have a normal night time routine since we came back from holiday and he sleeps mostly with us. Last night, my DH unilaterally decided to just sleep train him and just let cry it out. Our toddler was obviously very distressed and was not the right approach. When he finally fell asleep, we were talking childcare in general. I've explained to him a million times how the 30hrs work when in a private nursery, he just never gets that they start going for 30 hours, it's just simply not how it works. Then we talked about how unfortunate it was that they couldn't have him for an extra hour at nursery when I had an important meeting, so and to find a way to work around it. He didn't really agree with my plan and said "it's not what he would do" but offered no solution. So I told him, "well if you find it so unacceptable, why don't you just leave work early?" He said he couldn't, etc .. Well I said it was exactly the same for my work. Anyways it was a complete downer to our evening and I'm still annoyed with him for this.

YANBU,. You did right thing telling him to leave work early. On’t make child work or drop offs/pick up your sole responsibility.

Start as you mean to go and make him share the load.

He sounds annoying but I don't know what you're talking about with the 30 hours? And equally if you were there when your husband decided to 'sleep train', surely you could have just gone up to the child if you disagreed?

I don't know what you mean really but would g have bothered me from what you're saying.

It's the 30 free childcare hours. Our boy will get them from January. (But my DH thought he'll start going to nursery for 30hrs rather than an adjusted discount). And no he wouldn't let me comfort our boy at first as his method wouldn't work .

If your toddler was left to cio, then you both decided to sleep train. Is your partner normally argumentative and disagree, without offering solutions? I've got a few friends whose ex's were the same. Or were you both tired and stressed?

So your toddler does say 40 hours, so your DH expected you to magically find a way to only make 30 hours work to save on childcare costs? He doesn't sound fully onboard with family life tbh.

What do you mean re nursery hours? It's 39 weeks at 30 hours or 51 weeks at 22.9 hours a week.

I also don't really understand what you mean that he wouldn't 'let' you comfort your son -Was he physcially stopping you?

Yes, we're getting the 51 weeks option, but he had no clue of how it worked. At the time I didn't want to have an argument about our toddler, which was pointless because I got annoyed and just got him out of his room in the end

What do you mean about the 30 hours?

Xposted. He sounds like a controlling arse quite frankly. I would question whether you want to be with this man at all.

I don't think he's controlling per se, I think he just had plans to listen to a new album and the toddler was not going to let us. (The irony is that he fell asleep in my arms within minutes). I can live with his unilateral attempts at sleep training, but I can't stand criticising how I look after our toddler when I also have to have a meeting and he offers zero help.

The only way my dh could stop be comforting my child would be to physically restrain at which point I’d call the police so I don’t understand how you couldn’t get to your dc?

if your husband is being physically abusive can you go and stay with family?

Obviously he didn't physically stopped me, he just didn't want me to go and comfort our son, and I originally didn't want to have an argument with him, which is ironic because I ended up getting annoyed with him regardless

Interesting you put your worry about what he’ll do above the needs of your dc

that doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship at all, at what point do you decide your dcs are more important than some vile man child?

I mean it was 5 mins max... Nobody was going to die, and the crying method has worked in the past, but he's clearly too old now