AIBU - to want my partner to compromise from time to time!!!!

[Expectationtoohigh]

I am a full time mum of four beautiful little ones all under three. I wouldn't change this for the world even though most days are more than hard their little faces make it all worth it.
My partner currently works a job that means he works away a lot of the time meaning I am on my own with the children 24/7, I don't drive so struggle to get out and about. My family are less than supportive and his family help some what. I have had 1 night away from my children in 2 and a half nearly 3 years.
When my partner is home he likes to have a drink which I don't mind in the slightest but when he is just drinking 10 cans and passing out I think is a bit too much. However, it is becoming too much as he now drinks all weekend he is home. I have asked for him to have one day of the weekend where he doesn't drink just so I can actually spend time with the man I love. But, I get told I am trying to change him, I am having a go at him, I am nagging him.
What he doesn't seem to get is the behaviour that also comes with him having a drink. He gets argumentative, he lies, he trashes my house in more ways than one when I spend all my time keeping it tidy and looking after our kids.
He also says that he pays the bills and we have everything we need but I feel that not everything revolves around money. What about the emotional needs of myself and my kids. I don't want my children growing up thinking oh daddy's drinking again.
I love to have a drink and will do on a weekend but is it wrong to ask him from time to time to have a weekend off?

Maybe you feel so bad without the tablets because you have what my medic friends refer to as SLS - "shit life syndrome". You have 4 tiny children and an alcoholic, non-supportive partner. I'm not surprised you feel depressed and stressed.

I'm sorry, but I agree with the others. Your DH sounds like an alcoholic. You may have less stress in your life if you ditch him.

So what does he actually add to your life, because at the moment it sounds just negatives.

what exactly do you love about him NOW? So many times on here I see this line as a reason not to leave an abusive, neglectful, lazy, selfish twat and it confounds me. He is not "great" with the kids if he is never there or mostly drunk and refuses to spend any decent quality time helping their mother manage the family home and duties. Playing piggy back round the garden is not a great dad. I know it is extremely daunting with very little family support and 4 very small kids but this is not a good situation for any of you. Get back on your meds, focus on getting well and emotionally stable and start quietly investigating your options re benefits and so on.

I posted at the same time as your second post. This appalling alcoholic is actively encouraging you to stop taking your antidepressants? Is there no low these cunts won’t sink to?

He needs help but he's not going to get it as he doesn't think he has a problem.

You'll probably have to leave him if you don't want to put up with it, but how are you going to manage 4 kids on your own, only two of which you'll get child support for, when you also don't work?

You're going to have to reach out to support systems in place to help get you and the kids away from him. Get yourself back on your meds, and seek help. There are some good groups, I just can't remember the name of them and hoping someone else does.

Single mum of four here. Leave him, it won't get better. The kids will see and hear things you will regret for the rest of your life. How long will it be till your sat in the hallway with a sore face, so desperately low truely believing there's no way out? Ok I'm projecting there but it's true.
Get rid of him, I have zero support absolutely no family no ties to the area I'm in, but I was always doing everything anyway so it's made no difference.
Get back to he gp get straight back on your meds, talk to your health visitor about what's going on and your plan to leave and see what support is available. Your luck here is, he's away most of the week so you've time to get plans in place without him actively knowing about it.
Don't get me wrong I am lonely but it's better than being sad
I do miss having someone around, but I did everything anyway
I used to say he's a good dad, but even the kids recognise he isn't
It's a big scary move but I promise you, you can do it and often you'll be surprised that once that negative emotional burden is lifted how much your mental health will improve even if life is more challenging.xx

Go to the doctor and get back on your meds.

Though I suspect you won't continue to need them if you get your partner out the picture.

He's a controlling, alcoholic wreck. Are you in love with who he is now, or who he once was/who you wish he was?

Please don't let your kids grow up thinking living like this is normal. They deserve better.

I thought maybe he got a little tipsy and obnoxious but he trashes your house?! Completely unacceptable! Awful for your children too. They must be very afraid to see a grown man trash their home. I'd want to leave him. You're practically a single parent anyway.

He doesn't break things in the house but I have him doing the most disgusting things like urinating in the kitchen, last night all over the radio and coffee machine. He's back on the drink again today despite talking this morning. I think I am left with no option anymore. I can't put my kids through. My 2 year old comforting me because I am crying in front of her. Makes me feel sick she is seeing me like this.

God, I don't know how you can put up with it. It must be easier when he's not there. The amount of money he must be spending on drink too. If he has that much spare them it could be used on paying for a cleaner or babysitting or a lovely holiday so that your life is easier. It's not though, is it? It's spent on alcohol which only benefits him and which massively negatively affects everyone else.

You poor woman.

OP, this is a truly dreadful environment for your children.

Your 2 year old witnessing your distress will change her forever.

She doesn't understand but will take on the stress of your distress.

You deserve better, so do they.

Get him and his filthy behaviour out.

Tell your GP/health visitor for support.

christ almighty. He urinated on the coffee machine and on the radio? Like that’s not even I thought the closet was the toilet type nonsense that teenagers get up to - that vile!! And deliberate.
To be so abusive is a clear demonstration that he doesn’t care about any of you. Don’t kid yourself OP. He is not a semi-decent father, let alone a good one

I would be kicking him out right now, today. That's appalling behaviour, which you do not deserve.

I agree, but maybe I'd give him one more day on the booze and video him doing that sort of thing. So that he can't deny it and say you're just making it up to have a go at him.

Disgusting. What is your situation? Can you make him leave? Do you have somewhere to go.?

We are in council housing which we have fought long and hard to get and it is a joint tenancy. I have given him the ultimatum of sorting it out, getting help and being an all round better person or I will go to the council have him removed and do this alone now. I have told him no more part time parenting. You want a drink you go out one night and you stay at your mums ( which is only down the road). Let them put up with you urinating everywhere then see if they say your entitled to a drink. He said he doesn't want to loose us so ball is in his court.

Tell him to piss off out of your life and not return until he has given up the drink, for good.

OP, contact the council and tell them how abusive he is being and get him off that tenancy.

This is not a man you should want around those children.

Only scum behaves like that.

Thank you all for taking time to read my problem and commenting. You have all reinforced what I know needs to be done. Back on meds from Monday and contacting the council to discuss my options